What would you guys do? Dating question...

In My Humble Opinion
1

As some of you may know, I have been divorced for just about a year and started to dab my foot back into the dating pool. I have gone on a number of dates, but for one reason or another they just didn’t seem to work out. There wasn’t that connection.

Though for the last week or so I have been talking to this guy Mitch* through email and phone. We decided that it where we were both comfortable with each other, that it would be okay to actually meet one another. He lives in the same town as my parents, so on Easter day I decided to meet up with him before having to go to my parents house. I figured this would be a good “out” if things were going south and I needed to get out of there.

I met Mitch in a public place and we hit it off really well. I feel that “click” that everyone talks about when they meet someone. We got along really well, laughing at each other as well as being sarcastic. It was a nice change and I felt really good about him. The one our meet up ended up being 5 hours and I was a tad late for Easter dinner. I was really excited about him. Sort of like a school girl and her first crush.

Fast forward to today (Monday). I am sitting at home watching a little TV, relaxing before it is time to head to bed. Around 10:30pm I get a call from a weird number on my cell phone. I figured what the hell and answered. It is the local emergency hospital. They tell me that Mitch was found unconscious in the old port (the local bar block in Maine) and that when they brought him to the hospital, they went through his wallet and found my number. Thus calling me. They asked if I would be able to come and pick him up and take him home. Not trying to be quick to judge and he seemed like an awesome guy the day before, I figured what the hell. I will just go get him, drop him off at his apartment and call it good. Probably something stupid, right?

I get there and as soon as he seems me, hes pissed off. Says that he never wanted them to call me and told me to leave. After talking to the secuirty guard posted outside his room door, I find out that he was combative with police officers and medics on scene and that the hospital needed 5 people to hold him down and hand cuff him to the bed until he sobered up. Yup, He was drunk. His face and hands looked horrible, but he played it off as some joke. That “why would his left hand be all scuffed up when he is right handed. Doesn’t make sense”. I made it VERY clear that I wasn’t impressed with him. That I was even there.

Turns out, after talking to him more while waiting for his discharge papers, that not only was he in jail for 5 months for oui (which I knew about) but that he doesn’t have a license (thankfully) and he won’t for another year. So he has been walking around all over hells and creation doing whatever it is that he does in his free time. He doesn’t work, but is trying to find some…

So here is my question (Yes I do have one), Do I still give this a go? I am very apprehensive about seeing him again, let alone dating him. He has made it VERY clear that he has feelings for me and that he would like to seem me again. That, what happened tonight, shouldn’t matter. It was just a “blip” in his life as a whole.

The issue I am having is the person I really liked on Sunday, is COMPLETELY different then one I saw tonight. It makes me second guess every feeling I had for him. Part of me is telling me this is a sign as to what is to come if I was to give him another shot. With the OUI, the bar fights, and whatever; this isn’t something I want in my life when I am trying to make a new beginning.

Though OTOH, I fear I am being to judgmental. I am not sure who is the real Mitch and I am not sure I want to stick around to find out.

What do you guys think?

2

Get out. Now. He is nothing but trouble.

3

Getting so drunk that you:

a) pass out
b) have violent altercations with police and medics
c) require hospitalization

is scary and pathetic.

Is OUI like DUI? If so, even worse. Sounds like he has a problem with alcohol - he lost his license and you’ve known him for a week and he’s gotten into a bar brawl. If the hospital had to call you I’m assuming he was out getting blotto alone, so either he has no friends or really poor judgement.

Fly! Fly away little butterfly!

4

What the hell is OUI?
Observing under the influence?

5

Oh wow. Run.

No matter how much you two clicked there is nothing that could justify you seeing him again after your second meeting IRL included a hospital, copious amounts of alcohol and the police.

Even if the drunk and belligerent guy you saw isn’t the “real Mitch”, he’s a part of the whole. Seeing that part of Mitch so early on in a relationship (or something that may be becoming a relationship) isn’t a very good sign.

6

A term I’ve never heard before, either, but according to acronymfinder.com:

7

Consider yourself lucky that you found out about his dark side so early on. Sometimes people are much better at hiding it until they’ve really got you hooked.
He obviously has a very severe problem with booze. I wouldn’t want to get involved in that myself. You haven’t been divorced that long. You can find someone else who’s fun to be with and isn’t a violent alcoholic.

8

Get ye gone! waves wand

9

Back away quickly and move on. Hopefully he won’t try to chase you.

10

He doesn’t sound like someone you should be getting involved with. RUN.

11

No.

And -

No.

Errr.

NO.

12

That part of you is very wise. You should listen to it.

13

Is being single really so bad that you need to consider getting involved with unemployed, intermittently violent drunks?

The mere fact that a woman he went on one date with was the only person they could find to pick his sorry ass up is pretty telling, isn’t it?

14

DianaG made a very good point. Ask yourself why yours was the only number they could find at the hospital. I’ve been lonely and desperate, but never so desperate that an unemployed man who had a violent temper when he got drunk, an arrest for oui, and so little sense he continued to get drunk would seem like a good bet to me.

As far as the click goes, remember all the stories you’ve read about women who get involved with violent, abusive men. A common thread seems to be how charming they are when they’re not being violent. There are a lot of charming jerks out there, and a lot of women who are stupid enough to date them. Please don’t become one of them.

15

You can fix his broken wing and then watch him fly into the sky…shitting on you as he leaves.

Run, don’t walk. Buh-bye!

16

What determines how good a relationship can be is not how well you “work” together when you’re both at your best, but rather how well you are together when at least one of you is at their worst.
You just got a sneak preview of that. Don’t stay for the full-length feature.

17

Serial killers can be really nice people too – when they’re not killing. cough cough

He was “pissed” that you showed up, becuase now you know what he does in his free time. I’m guessing this wasn’t the first occurance for him.

You mention he doesn’t have a license “thankfully” – but he will get one. Considering his proclivity to still go out in the old port and get blotto – I’d say it’s safe to assume he’s got more time coming to him in the pokey.

For the love of God, stay away from this man.

Please.

18

I see no good outcome in pursuing a relationship with this man. Run, don’t walk, and don’t look back. There are good men out there and he isn’t one.

19

Beyond the obvious–and very wise–points made by the prior Dopers…you should also realize that nobody says/does anything when they are drunk that they do not think/feel when they are sober. Alchohol is an amplifier; if somebody thinks it when they are sober they will scream it over a microphone if they are that drunk.

I may be wrong and I am not a psychologist or any kind of expert…but FWIW I have bartended for almost ten years and I have learned a few things along the way. One of which is that alchohol does not morph a person’s personality; the very idea is a cop-out. Alchohol removes social inhibitions; it can delete politeness, upbringing, and any kind of sensors you may have. It does not create personalities; it merely showcases them.

So as other wise people have said–I forget who said it first–when somebody shows you who they are, believe them.

20

[robot arms waving]
Caution BrknButterfly!!!
[/robot]
Run, don’t walk. He just saved you from wasting a couple of months of your time.