One of the greatest lessons of life is;
“When someone shows you who they really are, it’s your job to SEE !”
This person is a combative drunk.
Some people go around the track once, and get the lesson.
Some people have to go around the track a few more times before they get the lesson.
Which one are you?
Eh, You’re right for the most part but drunk or sober I think we’ve all been guilty of saying things we didn’t mean in times of extreme stress.
BUT, I don’t think that’s the case here. Stay away. Remember some of us guys are VERY good bullshitters. That click you two had was him being full of shit. Yes I know, he probably deserves an Oscar for his talents but it’s still BS.
I’d bet any amount of money that it’s not a “blip”, but instead is characteristic of episodes that will be repeated many times in his life. I hope the guy gets help and straightens his life out, but he’s not equipped for a relationship as he is.
Okay, that’s it. I quit.
Hello.
Are you serious? Be happy you found out now, rather than after you were actually in a relationship with him.
Here’s an argument that this isn’t a blip. If I somehow found myself in those circumstances, I’d be chastened and embarrassed, not angry.
Internet dating is hard, but it’s not that hard. Take this as a lesson that first impressions can be misleading – a lesson you learned the easy way.
Get out now. Nobody needs that.
Thank you guys for all your input. I came to you guys because I was fearing I was to quick to judge or being to judgment on someone I really hardly know…
As much as I have come to dislike oprah, she is right when she says there is that little voice in your head that warns you when something isn’t right. I wasn’t sure if I was just scared or if I was actually hearing my conscious berate me for even being there.
We were sitting on his couch last night after I dropped him off and I remember saying, "Dammit Mitch. I wish tonight never happened… " only to wake up with morning and reading your thoughts and opinions. You guys are right. I am glad they called me. I am glad I saw what I saw. I don’t need to waste anymore of my life with the wrong person.
The only thing I am worried about is him showing up at my work. How does he know? One of the security cards at the hospital last night, I worked with for 3 years while I was in law enforcement (dispatcher). He asked me where I was working now and without thinking about it I told him with Mitch* standing in the room.
Typically when a guy knows my father is a cop, it tends to help making relationships end smoothly. Or abruptly anyways. Though for some reason, I don’t think this one really cares and that scares me.
Thanks guys again. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being to judgmental or close minded about not wanting to stick around and help this guy.
Stick with him and you’ll be helping him. Often. If you think you can “fix” him, then you’ll get plenty of opportunities. And none of them will have good outcomes.
You are wise to keep your distance.
No.
While I agree with everything else said in this thread, I can’t agree with this. I don’t normally go around with the numbers of close friends and family members in my pocket. If I’m meeting someone new, however, I might have her number in my pocket. That would be the only contact info on my person.
Do not see this guy again. Take it from me, someone who met a guy like that at a wedding (no license, no future…-now he wasn’t a jail bird, at least not until he was thrown in jail for non payment of child support), who charmed me and who I thought I could “fix.”
If you continue to see this guy, you are asking for a world of hurt.
You would be an enabler. Please understand that it isn’t your job to fix anyone. Just yourself. And of course he has feelings for you, you are a stable kind person. He needs that, but rather than become that himself, he is trying to leech on to you.
I spent over five years of my life with someone like this. Take my advice, pass on this one.
Really? You wouldn’t have, say, your cell phone? Or a wallet, with some sort of identifying information? Don’t go gettin’ hit by any busses, hon.
All you guys are very right. I just have to figure out how to close the door without making him anymore agitated then he already is. He made it very clear when I dropped him off that he still wanted to see me again. Not just words but with his physically presense.
After everything that happened last night, I am VERY disappointent in myself for even thinking about giving him another shot. It’s like I want to be door mat or something.
Or maybe, perhaps, I am not ready to date after all.
Please. There are a number of reasons he could have put the number in his wallet. Number one being that not everybody has a cellphone.
Also, I know when I’m on a first date with someone my phone stays in my truck turned off. So if we’re some place other than my truck and you were to give me your number, I’d have to write it down and stick it in my pocket (or wallet).
I don’t think it’s weird that he had her number on him. I think it’s weird that he didn’t have sufficient identifying information on him for them to find *someone else * to call.
I haven’t left my house without an ID, a contact number, a debit card, and at least a $20 bill since I was fifteen. Maybe it’s the mom in me, but I like to be prepared. In unlikely event that I **do ** get hit by a bus, I don’t want to lay there for three days while they try to figure out who to call.
SHAKES nailed it. In fact, I don’t yet own a cell. (I may have to break down and join the 20th century one of these years.) I always have my driver’s license and a couple of credit cards, bank cards, things like that. If I’m on my way to or from work I’ll have my work ID with me. For some reason I still carry around a business card from an artist in Gloucester. I suppose emergency workers could call her. But there is not any way to know how to contact any family members. Most of my friends live pretty far away.
I suppose I could put Autolycus’s number on a slip of paper keep that in my pocket. Or bbs2k’s. Or, for that matter, yours. 
Don’t beat yourself up too much for this. It can feel very good–rewarding, empowering, sagacious–to help someone else in need, especially if you’ve just climbed out of a bit of despair yourself. The trick is divining between a good person who has a temporary problem and will, in time, reciprocate in kind, and a manipulative sociopath. That can be a very difficult thing to do, especially when you are emotionally invested in the situation There are plenty of people out there who are skilled in the art of manipulation, and it’s not as if you’re going to be able to avoid them completely, short of hieing yourself to an isolated mountain retreat.
But, for what it is worth, you did the right thing; you asked a group of people with no direct interest in the situation whether behavior that kicked up a flag was, in fact, suspect, and then you accepted the advice constructively, which is smarter than the vast majority of people manage most of the time. And while I’m kind of disappointed that no inveterate contrarian hasn’t offered up some bizarre reason why you should give the bloke in question another shot, I can’t with good conscience buck the trend; you are wise to make haste in distancing yourself from this situation; further contact should be met with a polite but firm negative, with hopefully no need to escalate from there.
As an aside, I agree completely with Audrey Levins; the best way to see someone’s true personality is to witness their intoxicated behavior. People who manage to reign in the crazy while sober will lose their inhibitions and let it all hang down after a few drinks. And it’s pretty rare that someone who is combative or so disfunctionally out-of-control as to pass out in the street is going to reform and become a good partner even if they do sober up. The other indicators–in this case, his unemployment, previous convictions, lack of humility about being found in this condition, and dearth of contrition for putting you into this situation–merely serve to reinforce what kind of person he really is.
Move on to more fertile pastures.
Stranger
And yet ‘Mitch’ gets more dates than me.
The benefits of being a skilled sociopath; you can “fake it” much more easily. Life ain’t fair.
I had a situation that was in some ways kind of similar about a year ago; a woman who claimed to be in an semi-abusive relationship with her live-in boyfriend. And I was dumb enough (and after a couple of years with no dates at all) to play the patsy. Fortunately, I was also smart enough to set up some reasonable initial boundaries, and curiously, when I offered to place her with a friend should she elect to leave, as opposed to taking her in myself, she responded not with gratitude but recrimination and manipulation. I turned out (of course) that my role was simply to act as bait, to get her boyfriend to fight over her, and in defusing the situation and no responding to threats or insults, I wasn’t of any value to her. A few incidents of harassment and minor vandalism later and I’m at least quit of that situation, if not exactly flush with dates, or indeed, much interest in trying to date. C’est la vie.
Stranger
I can’t believe you’d even need to ask.
As far as what to do about him if he still wants to see you? Just say you’re not interested. What, you really give a rip if you offend him? I’d say HE is the one that should be embarrassed by behavior, not you. I don’t think you need to explain anything.