Get rid of him. He’s crazy and he’s dangerous and he’ll never love you like I do. In fact, why don’t you let me take care of this little problem for you? 
Aww so you will protect me, huh? :dubious:
I asked because I have a tendency of overreacting or being to judgmental.
Because he was a great guy on Sunday, I wasn’t sure if this was just some “bad day” or whatever. I don’t drink. I have a hard time telling when someone is drunk or not, nor do I know what the effects alcohol has on someone’s personality in the moment. I have never been drunk before, so I don’t know what parts I blow off or the part I should take seriously.
I would rather not be around people that drink because I don’t know what is truth and what isn’t when someone drinks. It makes me feel uncomfortable, but I deal with it because 1) I would rather be the DD, then to have anyone drive and 2) it seems like it is the norm. People drink. I am not the normal because I don’t drink. Or I hardly drink. I have one maybe every 6 months and out of that one drink I might drink 1/3 of it. I don’t feel any effects from it mentally. It does nothing to me but make my face unbelievably red.
So that is why I asked. I didn’t want to make a decision out of my own insecurities vs. what would be the right thing to do.
Make sense?
Yeah, but even if we leave out “intermittently violent drunk”, he should have lost you at “unemployed”.
Most of us who drink manage to enjoy our beverages of choice without getting violent. Saying he’s a bad person because he drinks would be judgmental. Saying he’s a bad person because he drinks and gets into bar fights that end with him restrained by five people in the hospital is common sense.
Even if it is judgmental to say someone is a bad person because they drink, I would say there’s an exception for dating. Saying you wouldn’t want to date someone isn’t the same as saying they’re a bad person. I wouldn’t want to date you even if I weren’t married, because you’re a woman and I’m not a lesbian. That doesn’t mean I think you’re a bad person, just that you’re not my type. People who drink may not be your type, and that would be OK.
I know the feeling. It’s good. But it doesn’t compensate for sometimes having to deal with a violent drunk, or for being with someone whose morals and values are very different from yours.
You will find someone else that you “click” with. Or you may find someone else that you don’t seem to click with right away, but you find yourself liking them better and better as time goes on. It’s not as if everybody has one predestined soul mate out there, and this guy is yours because you “clicked” with him.
If it had been a one-time drunk thing, I wouldn’t be so hasty to condemn it. Sometimes people party (how old is this guy?) and sometimes they get into trouble. But yeah, the unemployment, the OUI, and all of the other stuff add up to a bigger picture of trouble. The guy seriously does not have his life together. He might be a great date, but he would make a really bad partner.
Run. Run for your life.
Hmmm, a violent unemployed alchoholic drifter with a prison record? Sounds like a keeper to me.
Of course! My life was meaningless before I started stalking you!*
*Actual t-shirt.
Again, normally I would be agreeing with you. Except he had just moved back from Montana at the end of February. He use to build cell towers, but his boss, coworker and the co-workers girlfriend got into a car accident on xmas morning. Everyone died but the co-worker. Without the boss, he didn’t have a job so he moved back home.
Another thing I found out is that the co-worker was DUI as the other two were drunk. So the crash is DUI related. Mitch* is upset by there deaths, but I have no pitty or sorrowness (if that is even the right term or a term at all) for him. He is doing the exact thing that caused their deaths to begin with.
Though on a side note, I understand why some of you are sarcastic in regards to the question. I mean, hello!.. Duh… Common sense that the guy is a loser from the outside looking in… But look at it from my point of view (the question that is). He was this amazing man on Sunday. I am unfamiliar with the workings of drinking and what is actual truth when someone is intoxicated. Nor can I tell when someone is intoxicated.
Before creating this thread, I didn’t know that alcohol provides truth as to ones real personality. Maybe it is me being naive with the wool permanently stitched to my eyes and if so, then only experiencing life as it comes at me will teach the way of the world.
So, seriously, I’m sorry if it seems like I am the idiotic moron that should know better. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and generally when I get scared or uncomfortable around people, I run without even trying to work it out. Intoxicated people make me uncomfortable. Seeing him in that condition made me uncomfortable. Adding together that, again, I have no clue (or had no clue prior to this thread) how or why people make the choices they do when under the influence, I thought that perhaps I was over reacting. I see now I that wasn’t.
He’s 33.
Slow judgment is for those who in your opinion have shown a long history of stability and trustworthiness. If you hardly know the person, hell yes, rush to judgment. I don’t mean judging their worth as a person… nobody can presume to do that… but you can certainly feel justified in judging whether it’s smart for you to let them into your life.
You didn’t do anything wrong, and you handled the situation well (assuming that you follow through on the advice offered and aver from a relationship with a charming drunk). Stop beating yourself up for having a conflict between heart and head, and reward yourself for being smart enough to get an outside opinion. If that’s the worst dating mistake that you make, then you’re vastly smarter than the majority of people out there in the dating pool.
Stranger
I’m not a guy (sorry!), but sweetie, RUUUUUUN! Do not pass Go!, Do not Collect $200. This kind is nothing but trouble and dangerous to boot.
“Bring her about, Mr. Sulu. Scotty, how fast can you give her maximum warp??? Pull out the stops, Mr. Scott…”
Change any method he has of contacting you; email, phone numbers, whatever. Don’t visit any bar/restaurant that you talked about together. And when you are going to go visit your parents, visit your parents house only. Don’t stop on the way home until you’re two towns away minimum; not even for gas.
You can think that you’ve dodged a bullet, but remember:
Bullets don’t run after you in a crowded place months later yelling “Baby I’ve changed…Please come back…!”
I would argue that this isn’t always true. 
However, in this case, it very clearly is.
Heh. Yeah, well… if they’d gotten into that situation together, it might have been True Love.
BrknButterfly, I appreciate (and commend) the inclination not to rush to judgement. In theory, he could be a nice guy having a bad day, or, um… year. But regardless, as things are now, he is, at best, a fixer-upper. I’m guessing you’re in your late twenties (with apologies if I’m mistaken). Take some advice from an old woman. Spare yourself the fixer-uppers.
Did he tell you this? Has it been confirmed?
Woah – I think that’s a huge overreaction. The guy doesn’t have his life together. That doesn’t automatically make him a stalker. He’s still interested, she’s not. In 99% of cases, that’s the end of that. My bet is that he’ll get over it and move on. He might even get wise and make some necessary changes to his life.
My thought exactly. That story made my BS meter go off the charts.
This guy is bad news. End it and move on.
Here’s the link to the story.
http://news.mainetoday.com/updates/021287.html
He spoke of each and everyone of their names as well as had pictures of them on the towers. It’s legit. Why the paper left out that the driver was DUI is be on me. Up here the news media is normally all over it. Though if I remember correctly, when I was in law enforcement if it was a bad car accident they will do blood kits. The results probably weren’t avaible.
I know it still bothers him a great deal, as the two that died were still alive when the car caught fire. I confirmed that with an officer in the town. So I know he isn’t full of shit when it comes to the accident.