What would you like God to say to you at the Pearly Gates?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I saw this question being asked on the show Inside the Actor’s Studio on Bravo. I like the question, and have come up with a few answers of my own.

For those of you unfamiliar with the show, the idea is this: you die and go to heaven. God is there at the entrance, waiting for you; what do you hope (S)He says to you?

Here are some of mine:

  1. “That wasn’t too bad. Now try again.”

  2. “Hey, Albert. Mark Twain’s over here – he’s been asking about you.”

  3. “None of my other humans have been as right about so much stuff as you have.”

2

“Oops! My mistake. You weren’t supposed to die for another twenty years. Because of the inconvenience, I’m sending you back . . . with super powers!”

3

“I’m your biggest fan!”

4

“C’mon in!”

5

“Come in.”

6

OK, that was a little weird.

You have a great mind, Ruby.

7

“Rand, you have done a great job, I tip my hat at you. Oh, just to let you know, {Insert Enemy’s Name Here} is being raped by the devil.”

(I saw it on an old episode of Saturday Night Live)

8

Great minds think alike Beagle!

9

“I forgive you”

10

"You’re lucky we have a nitwit quota to fill . . . "

11

“Guess what ‘Mr. I don’t believe in God?’ You got PUNK’D!”

12

" I told you it would be all right."

13

“You shall go back and eat two of every animal.”

:smiley:

14

“In heaven, there is no beer?? Who told you that?!”

15

“Of course, computer geeks date supermodels here. Why do you think we call it ‘heaven’?”

16

“Where’s Fred Phelps? Let’s just say we did it by the book.”

“You know, around here, we affectionately call Tuesdays, 'Let’s all gather in the town center and throw rotten food at Morton Downey Jr.‘s head as he screams and wails and gnashes his teeth at cruel, cruel fate day’”

17

“Welcome to Hell! … Just kiddin’”

“Here is your room key, three doors down and to the right. Marilyn Monroe will visit you shortly.”

18

“You’re dreaming!”

:smiley:

19

I’m an atheist, so keeping that in mind, what I’d like to see is a long pause. Then a surprised stare, and a little throat-clearing cough. Finally, the deity says “…I’m as surprised as you are.”

:smiley:

20

[AlbertRose:

[quote]
2) “Hey, Albert. Mark Twain’s over here – he’s been asking about you.”**

I just got chill bumps from reading your post. I am familiar with The Actors’ Studio and had thought about that question quite a bit. I determined a long time ago that what I would most like to hear is:

“You dad and Sam Clemens are over in the corner swapping stories. They’ve been waiting for you.”

Exiting, still with chill bumps…