I agree with you, but my problem with the letter is the mixed message. If it’s going to be a “we’re not friends any more, and here’s why” letter, let it be that. If it’s going to be a “we lost contact, but let’s start up again” letter, it should be that. If I got this letter, I would be wondering about the intentions of the letter-writer (after I cooled down and was thinking rationally again) - what do you hope to accomplish by sending me this letter? You want to have coffee with me, after making me cry by insulting me out of the blue?
Indeed. It’s like a DPD letter.
I would send you a few carriage returns, first off; it’s not the printer that makes that awful letter so hard to read.
Then I’d burn your house down.
She was starting to feel like she was just a dumping ground for all of our issues and drama instead of a friend. It seemed like we were content to complain without trying to change things or move on or make things better. Instead of trying to explain this to us (and therefore potentially starting more drama), she just walked away.
I guess you missed this part of her post
Woosh.
(I’ve always wanted to say that!)
Ah, but I knew you were a civilised person who would see the joke. (I read your sensible rules.)
I agree that there are people who will explode when the truth is pointed out to them.
Was I the one wooshed? I’ve always been afraid to ask that.
Yeppers. You were wooshed. 
Your letter scares the hell out of me. I’ve drifted away from friends here and there and with a few of them I’m embarrassed at my behavior during our relationships. I sometimes think about extending an olive branch, as it were, but I’m fearful that their responses would be exactly like yours.
I tell myself that people are mostly concerned with themselves and their own behavior and that there would likely be an apologetic common ground. I tell myself this because I actually believe that people are likely to hold grudges and will refuse to let go of old problems, and that there’s no room for forgiveness or at least an acknowledgment of change. Your letter illustrates my fear perfectly.
If I received a letter like that I would hope I’d be able to dismiss it and the sender as a jerk and get over any guilt; really, though, I’d end up in a heap on the floor, hating myself all the more because people think who I used to be is who I am.
So that’s what I would think: that I am an asshole and even other assholes know it. I hope the recipient of your letter has better coping mechanisms, but I doubt it.
Maybe she’ll send us a thread in a few years condemning us but then letting us know how she’s doing.
Why are you using us as a dumping ground for your letter writing?
Perhaps, but don’t take it badly. Credit to you for being reasonable and taking the moral high ground. I tried that once, but I just got a nosebleed.
Ahhh, but until then we can take consolation in knowing that she will read this at least twice a week.
I wonder if the OP actually sent it.
Yup. At least it sounds like it from the OP.
Actually a crucial missing element is whether or not the "friend’ and the OPer had ever discussed these issues before the “break-up” so to speak. If it is totally out of the blue it is an incredibly mean spirited letter, IMO. But if it is basically rehashing of issues that had been brought up before than I see the letter as maybe being more like, “Look, do you remember why we don’t keep in touch. I appreiate your cards and if you’d like we can meet, but I need to know things won’t be like before.”
Perfect SNL sketch in there somewhere.
When I was 13 I made some net friends who were older than me, and did some stupid dramatic crap that lonely 13 year olds are apt to do. After that, I stopped talking to one of them in particular. Oddly enough, now I’ve started talking to her a bit in the comments of the blog of a mutual friend, and it hasn’t come up at all. Either she doesn’t realize I’m the same person (doubt it) or it just doesn’t matter to her anymore. I’m guessing it just doesn’t matter, because from what she says in her blog, she’s got a lot more important things to do than to remember a seven year old spat.
Wow, I am usually in favor of straightforward honesty but dam that was really rather thoughtless and self centered. You purged your feelings seemingly without any concern about hers, and then casually add, I’d like to be friends again.
I agree with other posters. If you sincerely wanted to be in touch and with her again and see how things are then just say that. If you get back together and things haven’t changed and she continues to whine and bitch about life, then it might be time to tell her the truth about why you haven’t been in touch.
I have a close friend who describes one of her friends in much the same way. She deals with it by limiting the time she’ll listen to complaints. If her friend gets out of hand with the complaining she just tells her “that’s all the complaining I’ll listen to today” and then they do something else. It’s worked for her and they maintain a friendship.
Nah. Sometimes you get expasperated, or you have strong feelings but you haven’t actually sorted them out yet. Writing that kind of a letter is good for helping you organize your thoughts and figure things out. Kind of like therapy, but cheaper.
But you don’t actually send it!!!
Sometimes it’s good to have that “dialog”, write it all out like you’re talking to the person. Helps you sort things out. I don’t think the OP is an asshole for putting those thoughts on paper, we all have our ugly thought usually borne out of frustration, but sending the letter is mean.