Unlike family, we get to choose our friends. It sounds as though this person and you are not meant to be friends. The letter is unnecessarily cruel. If you mean what you wrote, I don’t see why you’d want to see her again, unless you’re truly desperate for friendship.
As for her changing, in my experience, that almost never happens to adults.
Guys, I don’t think you understand how sensitive a topic it is to try and reconnect with an old friend after one drunken night of having a foursome with another couple.
I’m actually feeling a little sorry for the OP. I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that she was attempting to clarify rather than crucify the recipient.
Something about the way she posted the letter here, looking for feedback, tells me that she knows something is off in the wording of her letter. I haven’t taken the time to read any of the OP’s prior posts, so I’m not sure what her personality is, but perhaps - crossing fingers and praying - she really didn’t mail the letter as she said she did and maybe too embarrassed by her blunder to come back to the thread?
OP - if you’ve really already sent the letter, I hope the reason you’re absent from this thread is because you’ve been busy making blueberry muffins FROM SCRATCH and are in route to this person’s home right now, hoping to either bribe the mailman to give you the letter OR to give to the recipient as a first step in your apology to her.
Please come back and tell me I’m close …
Hey, why are you being so rational here in the pit. It’s just not done, doncha know.
I’m convinced she didn’t really send the letter.
OMG. That was her. (Mods, I hope it’s okay to link that.)
Now, when I was reading the email, thinking that the OP was the recipient, my reaction to the first four paragraphs was, “What did you say in the card? And the voice message?”
Was it, “Hi, Merry Christmas! We’re living close, so give us a call!”?
Was it, “Hey, it’s been a while…I think we should talk”?
Was it, “I don’t understand why we don’t talk any more. Please tell me what’s wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?”
Because in the last example, I get just a glimpse of the OP’s side. If the ex-friend is, in fact, a professional victim, this may be an old pattern between her and the OP. Perhaps the ex-friend was in the habit of subconsciously asking to be punished, and the OP responded in the way she had in the past. Perhaps it’s not as odd as it seems that she would follow a verbal whoopin’ with an offer to make plans together. And perhaps it was only afterwards that she realized how unhealthy that pattern is for both of them, and that’s why she asked for opinions.
I’m not excusing the tone of the email, mind you. And I may be wrong after all. Just saying, that’s what I thought when I read it.
I gotta say. Your friend sounds like she’s better off without you anyways. Not only do you sound like a completely judgemental, snotty bitch, but…god damn…you post on a public message board you uncontrollably shit yourself when on you come on top in a foursome…and apparently think she’s the one with issues??
Wow, you sound like a prize. :dubious:
**Rilchiam ** wins the prize for being the first to pick up the reference. Now where is Auto lurking? We need to show him that this is what we’re talking about when we warn him about posting ladlesque things. We have long memories here.
I do think there is value in explaining to someone what’s bugging you, but as others have said, you need to do it at the time of the event and not years down the line - unless the event becomes an issue again. Since the OP had not received lots of dumping-on recently from this former friend, this does not seem to be the case.
For instance, my husband felt the same way about one of her sisters and her then-husband. He’d get phone calls frequently from one or the other. They’d have always been drinking, and the call was to complain about the other person to him, either “he’s so meeeeean!” or “your sister is blah blah blah…” He did take the calls for a while, and told each of them separately that they had to get the booze out of the house. Both told him, “I can’t do that.” So at one point he told them to never call him again just to complain about the other person, especially if drunk at the time, as he’s told them what they need to do and they refuse to act. It took a couple instances of hanging up the phone when the bitching started, but it worked, we got no more frequent complaint calls. My SIL divorced the guy and though I’m not sure she’s given up drinking, she certainly has appeared to have cut way back.
:eek:
Using my very best Gilda Radner SNL voice: nevermiiiiind
So I read this letter that Avarie wrote to her ex-friend, and I thought ‘that was fucking mean’, but then came this:
quote]Rilchaim said:
OMG. That was her. (Mods, I hope it’s okay to link that.)
[/quote]
And here I am reading that and thinking ‘things got weird a LONG time before you said that’.
But then I got to the equation.
Now I’m thinking, ‘OMG’ was totally appropriate, and that she wrote a really mean letter to someone. Was it the same chick from the other thread?
It’s like soap opera meets MUD. My brain is leaking out my ears.
OK, I’m back.
Long day at work yesterday followed by three hours of not being at home. Really!
There’s not enough hours in the day for me to respond to everyone’s replies, but let me say this: You made your point and got through to me. Honestly.
I spent all day yesterday feeling really bad about that letter and myself in general. I now realize that for a long time I’ve not been really fond of myself. So I stewed about it all day long. On the way home from my meeting last night, I just decided that if I was tired of being “me”, then I needed to change who “me” is. This isn’t exaclty a bolt out of the blue - I’ve been feeling like I needed to make some changes in my life for a couple of months now. And this seems to be the catalyst that I needed. So thanks for crapping on me! 
You can continue if you’d like, and I’ll read my subscription notice in the mornings to see what lovely things you have to add.
And no, this girl was in no way involved in the full moon/Friday the 13th thing. They moved back to her hometown and resisted all attempts at communication. AFAIK, they’re ardent swingers. Good God I can’t believe I typed the linked thread. Any hopes of getting that … thing … deleted??? And there was no pooping on my part - some drunken vomiting IIRC, but no pooping. That was a reference to things that had happened in the past, not that night.
Holy fucking hell, how have I missed that thread up until now?!? :eek:
Is it Peeps? If it’s Peeps, I will graciously decline. But thank you anyway!
I think that thread was allowed to stand for that purpose: an example of how far is too far.
:eek:
If this thread and its links does not prove that we need a puking smiley-nothing will.
I am what is the word-incredulous? amazed? stunned?
The OP has (most likely) learned a salient lesson regarding cathartic letter writing. I cannot speak to the female superior+orgasm=fecal incontinence. In fact I cannot speak.
A good way to start would be sending an abject apology to the recipient of the original letter. Seriously.
The puking smiley and the popcorn eating smiley.
This place really is worth the subscription fee. You don’t get stuff like that at your run of the mill forum. I swear some of these thread are like an unfolding soap opera. You never know what you’ll read in the morning.
Well, I hope the first step you take is appologizing to the poor woman you sent that horrible letter to, assuming that the “me” you don’t want to be is a “me” who would send such a rotten letter in the first place.
No, you sure don’t! The visual of the er, foursome and the subsequent um, results will stick in my head for some time to come. It’s the best birth control ever. <shudders>
Yes, and make it a real apology, no “I’m sorry you’re such a loser” or “I’m sorry but you really drove me to be mean and nasty.” Don’t offer any excuses, you really don’t have any.
Well Avarie537, I for one, would like to point out to you that it’s Friday the 13th today.