Yeah, but the full moon is weeks away.
[QUOTE=alice_in_wonderland]
Well, I hope the first step you take is appologizing to the poor woman you sent that horrible letter to, assuming that the “me” you don’t want to be is a “me” who would send such a rotten letter in the first place.
[/QUOTE]
Alice, keep it down! I think that could be taken as mmmeeeeaaaannnn. You don’t want the damn Pit Nannies in here calling this a pile on do you? 
I’m thinking a different way here. I’m thinking that unless Avarie537 really wants to rekindle this friendship she should just let it drop. What’s done is done and you can’t put the genie back in the bottle. How do you really apologize for that, especially when you meant what you said?
If she really does want to start the friendship up again, then, yes, major asskissing is in order.
Although, think hard about it. Adults don’t tend to change that much and someone like your former friend is probably much the same now as she was then. You are putting yourself back in a situation that made you upset enough to produce that letter, years after the fact. (This comes from someone who was saddled with a friend very much like her for a very long time. I tried and tried and could not shake her off until she ended up moving several states away.)
[QUOTE=shamrock227]
Alice, keep it down! I think that could be taken as mmmeeeeaaaannnn. You don’t want the damn Pit Nannies in here calling this a pile on do you?
[/QUOTE]
Yes, but don’t you know - I’m the Queen of Mean! 
I think it’s a great letter and you should definitely send it …
… if you never want to hear from this woman again. Lord knows, I’D have nothing to do with the author of such a bizarre screed.
Um, you’re still on the first page, aren’t you, Lizard? 
Avarie537, I have to say, I didn’t expect to see you back in this thread, much less to admit you deserved this pitting. Good luck changing; it’s a hard thing to do.
[QUOTE=Alan Smithee]
Um, you’re still on the first page, aren’t you, Lizard? 
[/QUOTE]
To be honest, I didn’t notice how long the thread was until AFTER I posted! :smack:
I’m going to express an extremely unpopular opinion here, Avarie537, and say that I really liked your letter.
I would have been grateful to receive a letter like that – if the accusations were true. I would’ve initially been hurt and/or pissed, probably, but at least you had told the truth about what the problems in our relationship were. If you didn’t, I never would’ve been able to fix them. This way, once the pain and anger subsided and I had some time to think about things, I might actually be able to do something about them and perhaps actually be a real friend to you… if I were still interested. And even if I weren’t, your honesty would’ve allowed me to honestly write back to you in return, and at that point we would simply break apart completely and not be a bother to each other.
You were brutally honest, and IMHO that’s worth more than any amount of niceness or friendliness.
I admired the way you were just upfront about everything instead of writing polite and nice bullshit. What good would it do either of you to maintain a pretend friendship rekindled solely by false kindness? IMO and IMO only, less-than-honest relationships are worthless.
I see that you accepted the criticism of your letter in post #111. I just have to say… maybe you don’t like yourself and maybe you do have things you need to change, but I still really admire the honesty you expressed.
Important Disclaimer: I have zero social skills and zero friends (things like this are probably part of the reason). I wanted to share my opinion with you, but in light of what others have said, you shouldn’t take heed of it if you actually value your social relationships.
Several people have suggested that Avarie might want to express those thoughts, just not in this initial letter. It’s the kind of thing that is better done after you’ve resumed contact, and then only if it seems relevant (for example, if she was no longer like that then there would be no need).
[QUOTE=Reply]
I’m going to express an extremely unpopular opinion here, Avarie537, and say that I really liked your letter.
I would have been grateful to receive a letter like that – if the accusations were true. I would’ve initially been hurt and/or pissed, probably, but at least you had told the truth about what the problems in our relationship were. If you didn’t, I never would’ve been able to fix them. This way, once the pain and anger subsided and I had some time to think about things, I might actually be able to do something about them and perhaps actually be a real friend to you… if I were still interested. And even if I weren’t, your honesty would’ve allowed me to honestly write back to you in return, and at that point we would simply break apart completely and not be a bother to each other.
You were brutally honest, and IMHO that’s worth more than any amount of niceness or friendliness.
I admired the way you were just upfront about everything instead of writing polite and nice bullshit. What good would it do either of you to maintain a pretend friendship rekindled solely by false kindness? IMO and IMO only, less-than-honest relationships are worthless.
I see that you accepted the criticism of your letter in post #111. I just have to say… maybe you don’t like yourself and maybe you do have things you need to change, but I still really admire the honesty you expressed.
Important Disclaimer: I have zero social skills and zero friends (things like this are probably part of the reason). I wanted to share my opinion with you, but in light of what others have said, you shouldn’t take heed of it if you actually value your social relationships.
[/QUOTE]
Honesty is an act of respect even when it hurts, but brutal honesty doesn’t have to be the first choice. Honesty can be tempered with tact and diplomacy. If that doesn’t work then maybe a more direct approach is called for
I’m a big supporter of being honest in relationships rather than being disingenuous and calling it consideration or politeness.
. I don’t condone unnecessary cruelty cloaked as brutal honesty.
I was going to send a similar letter to a friend of mine who just dumps her problems all over me when we would talk. I swear she sucks the life force right out of me. I would always feel down and crappy after talking to her.
I cut off communication with her right at the beginning if 2006. I feel bad about the total drop off, but it was for my own sanity. I wrote a letter just like the OPs (minus the family update type stuff), but I couldn’t bring myself to ever send it.
She still emails me, I don’t respond. I do read the emails because they are always the same “I don’t understand why you won’t contact me. What did I do wrong?..” That’s the point, you don’t get it. I had told her numerous times that I could not deal with her constant negativity [sigh]
[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
:eek:
If this thread and its links does not prove that we need a puking smiley-nothing will.
I am what is the word-incredulous? amazed? stunned?
The OP has (most likely) learned a salient lesson regarding cathartic letter writing. I cannot speak to the female superior+orgasm=fecal incontinence. In fact I cannot speak.
[/QUOTE]
You and me both :eek: ! My, as a new doper I think I’m scarred for life.
As far as the letter, I echo the previous thoughts here already.
[QUOTE=shamrock227]
If she really does want to start the friendship up again, then, yes, major asskissing is in order.
[/QUOTE]
Well, hopefully not after she’s just had an orgasm from sex in the female-superior position…
I must echo OneCentStamp: How could I not have known that that thread existed? What other treasures lurk in the bowels of the SDMB?
[QUOTE=Green Bean]
Well, hopefully not after she’s just had an orgasm from sex in the female-superior position…
I must echo OneCentStamp: How could I not have known that that thread existed? What other treasures lurk in the bowels of the SDMB?
[/QUOTE]
You’re evil
[QUOTE=Green Bean]
How could I not have known that that thread existed?
[/QUOTE]
When did you register? I think you’re a '99er, but if so, you must have skipped the thread when it was new, because it was locked after one reply. Once seen, never forgotten. The instant bigbabysweets said “drunken foursome,” my mind jumped immediately to the phrase, “next thing I know, there’s an extra hand down there,” which will never be erased from my memory.
Good grief, you’re quite a mess Av.
[QUOTE=Rilchiam]
When did you register? I think you’re a '99er, but if so, you must have skipped the thread when it was new, because it was locked after one reply. Once seen, never forgotten. The instant bigbabysweets said “drunken foursome,” my mind jumped immediately to the phrase, “next thing I know, there’s an extra hand down there,” which will never be erased from my memory.
[/QUOTE]
I never even heard of it. I gotta get out more. or maybe not.
[QUOTE=wring]
I never even heard of it. I gotta get out more. or maybe not.
[/QUOTE]
Me neither. It made me go :eek:
I think that in my entire time here, I’ve never seen worse oversharing. Ever. Amazing.
[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000]
**Rilchiam ** wins the prize for being the first to pick up the reference. Now where is Auto lurking? We need to show him that this is what we’re talking about when we warn him about posting ladlesque things. We have long memories here.
[/QUOTE]
Dude, that’s just not the same. That was between *Auto ** and his ladel.
- I know this is spelled incorrectly. I just decided to spell it this way because it was being spelled that was in that thread (and to reflect how traumatized it must have been in its travels).
FYI, I have received a response. It was an email, so I can give it to you word for word (names edited, of course):
I’m so happy I could cry! THIS is what I wanted to hear from her, and really hoped had happened for her own sake. I was ham-fisted in my typing and didn’t know if she even would respond. I don’t have time to compose the response I want to send before I go to work this morning, but you can believe I’ll be thinking about this one all day as well.
[QUOTE=Caridwen]
Perfect SNL sketch in there somewhere.
[/QUOTE]
Nah, it’s not long and unfunny enough.