I’m an attractive lad, (;)), so why is it that no one ever says yes any more?
Is it possible to be too fucking friendly?
In fact, in the past year the only people to have asked ME out, have been two of my best (male) friends. And as much as i admire them, I do not want to have sex with them!
No, i am destined for a life of ‘But don’t you just wanna be friends?’.
[sub]To which i reply, why can’t we be friends who have sex?[/sub]
[sub]Feel free not to reply to this at will, i just needed to rant[/sub]
It ain’t just you, buddy. Over the past year, I’ve been shot down or otherwise rejected by 7 out of 7 girls that I would have liked to date.
Well, not so much shot down as just avoided. They just stop talking to me. Now, I have female friends who tell me I’m attractive (unfortunately, they either don’t want to date, or already are with someone else).
I’m not unattractive, but when a girl I’m interested in can’t even be bothered to say “no thanks”, it really makes me feel like shit.
Are you listening, ladies? Do us guys a favor, and at least tell us that we have no chance with you. And you know what, even if we have no chance to date you, some of us can actually be friends. Sometimes.
I’m a 27 year old woman. I’m no man’s idea of a Venus (we have to be honest about our limitations–I definitely look like I swam to shore from some tributary to Woody Allen’s gene pool, no matter what I do), but I’m not a hideously malformed crone, either. And, as far as I can tell, my personality isn’t too terrible. However, I have not had a date since June. That’s almost 8–count them, 8–months. No-one has shown even the slightest glimmer of romantic–or even just plain sexual–interest in me since then.
I’m not quite sure what’s happened to me in the last two or three years. I didn’t always have this difficulty.
–Scribble.
PS. Nothing reinforces this feeling of utter undesireability like hearing your piggish roommate and her almost simian boyfriend rutting (“ooooohh…Ooooohh…OOOOOHHHH!”) at 2 in the morning, while you haven’t had so much as a kiss in almost a year.
I can’t believe I just made a single sentence take up 5 whole lines. I think I definitely need some sleep.
I’m fairly attractive, intelligent, sociable – not some socially inept geek with a hygiene problem. What’s wrong? I’m just plain terrified to approach women.
My female friends share their frustrations about getting approached by men in locations that were typically thought of as good places to meet members of the opposite ex. “Came here to drink coffee and do my laundry, not to meet men.” “Came here to pray, not to meet men.” “Came here to run my dog off leash, not to meet men.” Women almost never initiate eye contact with me, so I’m beginning to think they’re trying to ward off any potential suitors. I’m afraid of an approach being interpreted as an unwelcome advance, that I’d be seen as a potential stalker or psycho.
Well, I think I’ve got you all beat, I’ve gone 19 long years without a date.
To be honest though, 3 of those years were spent learning to walk, talk, use a toilet, you know, stuff like that. Another 8 or 9 years were spent thinking girls had cooties. After that though, I really have no excuse, save for the fact that I’m terminally shy and wouldn’t know if someone was flirting with me even if neon lights started flashing on and off and angels began trumpeting from on high.
Sigh
I’m not a mutant or anything (or at least I’ve convinced myself…), I just really, really lack when it comes to conversation. Make approaching someone a tad difficult.
Almost to that point myself. And expecting that the next 18 or so probably won’t go any better. Yessirree, I have an interesting (and documented) ability to clear a room. Literally, I can enter a crowded room and within minutes everyone will have relocated to some location in excess of 10 feet away. A friend of mine observed this and was utterly amazed. So, obviously I’m a bit behind in the meeting people department in general and in meeting-members-of-the-opposite-sex in particular.
I’ll never figure out how I do that, either. It’s not as if I try. I just seem to cause people to subconsciously think “oh, crap.” Which makes no sense at all–I’m not even slightly intimidating in appearance or bearing.
Eh, sorry to ask the obvious, but how did you make a friend, since he tells you that you can’t make friends?
Seriously, I’ve had a couple of friends with the same problem and it’s usually all down to confidence. It only takes a few agonisingly akward moments to make the average person think twice about themselves, but letting those feelings linger can cause a vicious circle. You got to suck it up and think cool before you can be cool
As for the OP, I guess I chose the right six months to stay away from dating in all it’s evil forms, there’s obviously a major drought out there.
I’m not sure I can handle the inevitable rejection that would come with making a come-back now…
Ah, what the hell, I need to get laid. Any takers in the Beijing area? I have beer, cigarettes and money for a taxi home…
> Yessirree, I have an interesting (and documented) ability to clear a room.
I’ve got a similar talent. The only women that complement me on my appearance (typically my eyes) are usually elderly or former Jerry Springer Show guests. I got my first “Wow, you’ve got wonderful eyes” comment in Orlando a couple of days ago, from a woman who was about 100 pounds overweight and missing half her teeth.
There’s also the “Curse of Dan,” as my friends call it. With 90% of my dates, the following will happen:
She’ll go back to an old boyfriend, often after the second or third date.
She’ll bring her best friend along. Once, a date brought her boyfriend along. Gee, thanks for telling me.
She’ll be extremely flirtatios and tactile, but when I make a move she’ll reject my advances. “I’m just friendly, that’s all.”
Afterwards, she’ll suddenly get “busy,” with pottery classes and night meetings and friends visiting from out of town for the next decade or so.
It’ll be a blind date, where I’m not attracted to her in the least, but she decides that I’m the man of her dreams.
They’ve been burned too many times, and they actually fall for me, but they back off, fearful that they’ll be burned again.
Tell ya what- I’ll date all a yez, K? I got this incredible bathroom thing goin on, and lots of very high quality smooches and pounces to pass around…
But for those of you who are male- well, the best I can do is a scary Richard Simmons…
Seriously though, yah, it’s a lot to do with confidence- but the real kind, which stems from being comfortable with yourself. Think about the people you are attracted too, who you wish you were more like…
But we don’t all have that. sigh.
I think I’m getting it, slowly, and I’m not done evolving yet, and that is why I’m alone.
sigh- been a longish ol time for me. there’s been some short, 2-3 month things and some one night stands, but sport fucking ain’t really ever been my sport. There’s gotta be a relationship, for me…
I can’t believe I actually posted something so pathetic and self-pitying. Sorry, everybody.
Thanks for the offer, Inor. I agree completely with what you say about the need to have genuine self-confidence. Mine will come back when other things in my life get cleared up. (At the moment, I’m broke, my research–the focus of my life for the last several months–has tanked, and my roommate MUST DIE.) I’ve found that when things are going well for me, dating is no problem. When something major in my life is screwed up, my love life suffers.
ducks&runs