Speaking as a liberal, I’m with Sam. Wierd and icky. If you’re an adult and you want to get intimate with other adults in a group, do what’s right and natural – HAVE A FUCKING ORGY!!! It’s the way things have been done since Roman times.
I dunno, when I was 15, 16, 17, 18, I really liked girls a lot. Damn right I wanted to do them, but quite aside from that I wanted to hang out with them. Even if I knew in advance that sex was absolutely positively not going to be an outcome, I would’ve very happily accepted an invite to a pajama party. Think of all the opportunities to get to know someone into whose pants your fingers might slide at some other time down the pike! Seems like a much nicer venue than grazing and milling around the perimeters of a beer blast.
Toss in even a 1% possibility of erogenous activity and I am so there.
My objections to it have nothing to do with sex or the possibility of sex or anything about sex. My objections have to do with the forced and artificial intimacy, like I said before, and like what was said in the article linked by Hunter Hawk. Forcing someone to hug you still does not make them your friend. A forced hug does not make any pain go away. An arranged cuddle does not ease any fears. Giving a total stranger permission to knead your butt does not then mean they care for you.
This is utter bullcrap of the scam variety. Whatever it is these people think they need, whatever it is they think their lives are lacking, they will NOT get it from a “cuddle party”. They will more than likely come away feeling even more empty, anxious, lonely, and afraid.
Scam, plain and simple.
That’s my objection to it.
I’ve always wanted to go to one of these.
Whats wrong with a little regression? 99% of adults participate in baby talk with their SO’s. 99% of adults prefer sleeping near someone warm and snuggly. And what do we do when we have kids? We snuggle with, play kiddie games, eat cookies and hang around in our PJs together. I dare you to find a parent that doesn’t enjoy the little bit of childhood they get back when they have kids.
However, we live in an era where instead of staying close to our families, having kids and devoting our time to relationships, many of us spend our early twenties on our own in the city- where we are expected to be adults all the time. Young people don’t have the sense of comfort that comes with owning a home, having a steady job, being in a marriage and having a place for themselves in the world. I think it’s easy to forget how untethered a person can feel- that looming sense of dread that comes with renting a place, looking for jobs, not knowing anyone you can count on and having all these great expectations that you are going to make something out of yourself before it is too late.
And, frankly, humans wern’t meant to go it alone. We are social creatures. We are supposed to live in tribes and extended family groups, not draughty studio apartments that only fit a twin bed. We have a natural desire to touch. Read any old book and you’ll hear about siblings sharing a bed and snuggling for warmth. There is this need for human physical contact that is seperate from the need for sex alone.
Without it, we make do. Sometimes we hook up with people. Sometimes we start or stay in relationships just because they are comfortable. Sometimes we move back home. Sometimes we spend some really long nights wishing for nothing but a glass of hot milk, a fire to sit in front of, our favorite comfort food and somebody else to prepare it. Whats wrong with finding another way to help us through that gap between childhood and comfortable adulthood?
What’s next? Thumbsucking Gen-Y’ers in diapers?
I went to a Cuddle Party once.
Details!
It was in 1960. I was only there for about 20 mins.
Not meaning to pick on you, but-
Um…cite? 99% of the adults that I know do NOT participate in baby talk with their spouses–in fact, it is a subject of mocking and fun for some.
I hear ya on the adults like to act childlike sometimes–and I have done. Pajama day with the kids or whatever–this is a whole 'nother animal.
This describes a life stage that all go through. If the person in question doesn’t know anyone they can count on, the thing to do is to acquire friends–not go to a cuddle party where the pretense of emtional intimacy is touted.
Quibble: any old book, eh? Like Lolita? :dubious: Sorry, couldn’t resist. I know you meant to make a larger point.
Loneliness is part of the human condition–a really sucky part. Yes, we are social critters-but there are rules about socializing. Often the rules are not well defined, but I think I am safe in saying that contact must be made first–maybe eye contact or a formal introduction of some kind. Then chit chat (which I hate) and then a deepening conversation etc to full blown monkey sex or whatever the goal is. There are all manner of social contacts out there. I don’t see the burning need for cuddling parties at all.
I hate to break this to you, but “comfortable” adulthood is often filled with long nights wishing for comfort, be it spiritual, physical or emotional-or all three.
To me, these parties are false emotional intimacy–which leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I understand the need for closeness and a feeling of safety–but those feelings come with a level of trust not present at a slumber party or it’s mentality.
Side thought: think about what always happened to the kid who fell asleep first…
Yeah, because otherwise I’m gonna have to start voting Republican. This whole idea is creepy as all hell to me. The idea of having some organized form of it is just disturbing to me, like we can replace actual human relationships with this sort of Stranger In A Strange Land-type hippie communal relationship. It’s creepy because it’s a substitute for more real, less organized forms of human interaction.
Plus, I’m young enough that if I had some attractive member of my preferred sex “cuddling” with me, I’d be thinking about sex. Is it just me, or do girls have an amazing capacity to delude themselves about guys’ intentions? I think about getting laid when I get lectured to on sound changes between Vulgar Latin and Catalan; God knows there’d be nothing else on my mind if my member was pressed up against someone. When girls show this weird fluffy self-delusion about boys’ intentions it’s almost cute, except when it has consequences.
Physical contact is part of interpersonal connection - it’s a way of showing a deeper emotional connection between two people. When you try to drain it of it’s real significance, it’s almost like it becomes some sort of packaged commodity to replace real human interaction, real contact that’s based on making a genuine emotional connection with other people. The very idea of performing this sort of intimate act but trying to avoid actual feelings of intimacy or emotional connection is deeply disturbing to me.
And, once again, as a guy, let me emphasize one point to the ladies: boys only cuddle in exchange for sex. I’m gay, which is like a Get Out Of Cuddling Free card. Dudes are only cuddling with you because they want to fuck. Maybe if they’ve really bought into this whole hippie-dippie mentality they’ll try to pretend otherwise, but that’s pure self-deception.
Here’s why I’m popping up. Being somewhat of an observer of rather than a participant in hetero society, I have seen women be completely deluded because they believe that men can be opened up emotionally and are really just like women deep down. I’ve seen women be deceived by guys playing the “modern, evolved male” card and I’ve seen women with completely unjustifiable beliefs about how men think and act. It’s a comforting fantasy that men just want to “cuddle” with you - but that’s what it is. Pure fantasy. That is just not in the nature of men. You might not understand it, but it’s true. I wish women spent a lot less time engaged in weird self-deception about how men act, because it results in a lot of hurt.
As I read through this thread, though, it’s sort of funny to contrast what the guys are saying with the folks who’ve defended the idea of “cuddle parties” - all of whom appear to be women. Delude yourselves all you like, ladies - but I’m not what you’d call macho and I can still speak from the perspective of someone with testosterone in his veins. The guys are hoping that somehow, some way, this will lead to them getting laid.
I wouldn’t find an orgy nearly as creepy. It’s the idea of human touch divorced from it’s real meaning - that is, genuine connection between people - that’s creepy. It’s like a substitute for actual relationships with other people. I’d way rather hear about a good, honest orgy than a cuddle party.
Right. That’s what we’ve been saying. The guys are there hoping to get laid. Not at the pajama party - but just maybe, this will lead to sex in the future. And the girls are all claiming that sex isn’t what a cuddle-party is about.
Thank you. I agree one hundred percent. Replacing real human intimacy with an artificial, institutional substitute is a frightening idea to me.
The whole thing just seems so staged. It’s doubly creepy if people are going to these parties not knowing who will be there. Are you so starved for affection that you will go cuddle with random person just for the sake of cuddling?
If you have close friends who you like to cuddle with, more power to you. It seems like if you already have affectionate friends/family you don’t need to throw a party to say ‘let’s touch each other in a non-sexual manner.’ If you don’t, then cuddling with strangers or aquaintances just seems awkward, and not comfortable at all.
I had a close group of friends in college and if we got together to watch movies or something, people could sit close, or hug, or lean on each other or cuddle, but that was with close friends and we were all comfortable with each other.
Most of the guys I know would avoid “cuddle parties” like the plague. Why? Because of the fear of becoming a Cuddle Bitch.* This was the worst for some of my guy friends who went through it. Girls wanted them for cuddling and a bit of physical comfort but for nothing more. Stopping at cuddling because “I just don’t like you like that” led my friends into thinking they weren’t sexually attractive or desirable. It’s dancing on the thin line between a healthy relationship and using someone.
I echo many other posters–guys expect that when a girl gets physically close, sex is the next step. If not, a girl should let a guy know up front. I know I would–I’d feel bad getting all cuddly with some guy and then refusing to even make out. Not because I owe it to him to make out with him if we cuddle, but because communication is the key to not screwing up a friendship/relationship/whatever I believe it is.
And personally, I don’t want to cuddle any guy I wouldn’t make out with. (At least, I didn’t in my single days.)
*Disclaimer! This site is somewhat offensive but funny in a cynical sort of way. Don’t take it as my personal opinion on the matter.
Speaking for me here, and I realize I am not the voice of every woman but I suspect I am speaking the truth for many. Girls know that they have that effect, and they like it, but to come out and say that would make them feel like whores. Especially teenage girls who are worried about their image and reputation, but some women never outgrow this. Girls are supposed to attract as many guys as possible, but not be sluts so there is a conundrum there. This is why I could see girls enjoying these cuddle parties and the like, they know perfectly well they are driving the boys crazy, and they enjoy having that effect on them. A girl likes to know a boy went home thinking about her, even if she doesn’t stop to think about what exactly that entails.
Girls often play the innocent whore game even if they can’t admit it to themselves.
I see it all the time, and for many it is so ingrained that girls will swear they are not doing it, that they had no idea guy was thinking that blah blah blah. “I swear I just wanted to kiss/cuddle/hang out as friends.” They know that guy wants them and they like it. She doesn’t want to sleep with him, but she wants him to want to sleep with her. Girls like to have guys falling all over them and still keep their innocent, good girl image.
I am sure there are some women out there who have never done this or even had a single thought cross their mind when it comes to cuddling with a male friend, but it is one of the most common games girls play, particularly teenagers. Guys have their own games too, right or wrong, but they are there.
From Hunter Hawk’s link:
Heh.
Being gay, I’m naturally the Cuddle Bitch of every girl I know. I’ll tolerate it with really good friends, but I’m no fan of having to be the teddy bear.
I want to party with YOU Cowboy!!!
Apparently there’s a website for this stuff:
and aparently it’s for ADULTS!
Screw that. If my girlfriend ever breaks up with me, I’ll get my physical contact the old fashioned way - from some drunk bar skank!
Shelbo! Was that you?
Darwinism in action, my friend: or, as an ex of mine once termed it, the Libidinal Economy. There’s competition with other predators for limited resources, and he who works out the most, has the most expensive watch, or the best line of bullshit, gets to take the girl home. Then he stymies Natural Selection by using a johnny, but the competition for a mate to potentially spread your genes is still there.
These numps are trying to circumvent this, with some Huxleyesque “everyone has won and everyone must have a prize” nerf sex. When they get out into the red-in-tooth-and-claw jungle of trying to pick up chicks in bars {or trying to establish a mutually supportive and co-beneficial meaningful relationship with a cherished partner}, they’re gonna be left for dead: in the real world not everyone wants to cuddle you.
You must fight for the right to cuddle, or be beaten out by the other competitors. Your line will be broken. You won’t get laid.
Let’s hope no one from the frotteurism community stumbles across your post.
Okey-dokey! Wait…you’re buying, right?