Moi?
Oh but you aren’t my first by any stretch honey. And truly you won’t be my last either.
Oh…my…god. If I wrote about adults instead of teenagers, I would so ask you if I could steal that.
[quote]
Okay – here’s the thing. The bride is in her early 30s, and her biological clock ain’t just a-tickin’, it is tolling with deep, loud, resonant “bongs” that can be heard from three counties over. About two years ago, she set out to find a husband so she could proceed to start having kids. She did the online dating thing, and eventually found this guy, who, according to the best man’s toast, didn’t go on his first date till he was in his 30s. (He’s now, I don’t know, mid to late 30s.)bolding mine.
Sounds to me as if Twickster has a right to be a bit cynical about “true love” and the “sperm donor” comment.
She used to work with this person, and the person obviously made her plans known to those around her.
If that’s what’s important to the bride, hurry up and have kids, and if the groom was a Poindexter who feels lucky to have a steady lay. Heck, more power to 'em.
But personally, I feel sorry for the guy. IMHO? That’s kinda sneaky. I wonder if HE knows why he was hunted down and chosen?
Maybe there should be a SDMB secret greeting, like the Masons.
Geek A: “Do the words ‘Hi Opal’ mean anything to you?”
Geek B: “Yes. Are you a friend of the fartiste?”
Geek A: “I have a monkey butler.”
Shayna. it might be better to take your affrontedness and indignation somewhere else.
It’s not warranted here.
:rolleyes:
Geek C: “Is that 1920’s style death ray in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CanvasShoes *
**
I still don’t get it. So what if she made it a point to find a husband? Does that make her marriage any less valid? I still fail to see any sort of proof or indication that this is going to be a loveless marriage.
Mr. Avabeth and I sort of fell into each other. Neither of us knew it was coming. One of my friends was actively looking for someone to share her life with and to have children with. She’s getting married next year. I have no doubt that she loves her guy - the fact that she was actively seeking him out makes no difference.
Ava
If you are a bloke, I think I can explain their behaviour 
It seems to me that Shayna’s comments were an accurate reflection upon the OP’s comments.
Krisfer the Cat’s first response to Shayna was as follows:
This response was off base; Shayna’s comment was on the OP’s rant, which she DID read, and only tangentially on the event that she, Shayna, did not attend. For Krisfer to suggest that Shayna’s comment was misplaced because she didn’t attend the event was to miss Shayna’s point completely. Nor did Shayna suggest anywhere that spending small amounts of money on a wedding was a bad thing; she merely pointed out, correctly, that spending a larger amount is not a bad thing. The relevance of Krisfer’s $50 wedding is thus negligible at best.
Shayna’s response to Krisfer began, “What the fuck are you talking about?” - a valid question in light of Krisfer’s cognitive disconnect highlighted above.
Krisfer’s reply to Shayna:
This rather bizarre turn has Krisfer suggesting Shayna’s wedding was modest, with, so far as I can tell, absolutely no factual basis whatsoever, and even less relevancy. She does raise a single debatable point: that the OP is on safe ground because she vented here in the Pit, rather than at the wedding itself. (My aside: true. And those that castigated her also did so in the Pit, instead of in real life. That seems fair to me).
In summary: I don’t know if anyone’s being an ass, but in this thread Krisfer is woefully lacking in the ability to read and follow argument, and Shayna suffers under no such disability.
- Rick
avabeth, Shayna – I understand that you don’t think I have a right to an opinion about their marriage. I don’t understand why you’re both so freakin’ outraged by my expressing that opinion. Just as others asked me, how are you harmed by this, let me ask you – how are you harmed by my posting about this, that you react with such wounded fury?
CanvasShoes, yosemitebabe – thanks for making the effort to understand where I’m coming from
I’m reminded of what my first AA sponsor used to tell me, many, many years ago – “as long as your behavior is appropriate, it doesn’t really matter what you’re thinking.”
My behavior was completely appropriate.
I get it - not to the point of a rant - but I get it.
Getting married to a guy in order to have children who you wouldn’t marry otherwise is only slightly less appalling than getting pregnant by your boyfriend so he will marry you. But, I have learned over the years that just because the outside of a relationship looks tattered, doesn’t necessarily mean the inside is. (Granted, I’m usually right, but I have been wrong). They may, in fact, be made for each other and love each other very much. Her comments two years ago about having to find a husband to have kids may have been honest at the time, but she may have actually married this guy for reasons other than having kids - like actually enjoying his company and wanting to spend her life with him.
On the extravagant wedding. I did that with my first doomed wedding - at the insistance of my father - but I did it. I don’t have a problem with them when they are easily afforded by whomever is throwing them - people have a right to spend their money however they see fit and, as pointed out, it gives jobs to musicians and photographers and caterers - but I have watched people spend more than they can reasonably afford, and I find that distressing. The point of the day is the “marriage” not the “wedding.” It is SO easy to lose that thought. Its especially distressing when you have doubts about the stablity of the relationship (and the feeling returns when you hear Mr. and Mrs. Ice Sculpture are breaking up after a year of marriage). Perhaps its my own regret - had I talked my father out of that big wedding and into putting the money aside, he (or I) would still have that money. (It was a great wedding, shame it was wasted on such a sucky marriage). I’ve been to lovely potluck weddings in backyards, and lovely weddings in cathedrals with country club receptions.
I’m hardly outraged. I’m just trying to find any sort of proof or indication in your OP that this will be a loveless marriage. Do you have anything to back up the statement that the groom is nothing more than a sperm donor? Has the bride stated this to you? Has she said that she doesn’t love him directly to you? Do you have anything to go on other than the best man’s toast and the fact that she met the groom online? I just think you’ve made a major assumption that you can’t back up. I really am trying to see things from your POV, but I see nothing to back up your point.
As far as the posting, I just don’t see the point of attending a wedding on the couple’s dime when you’re so obviously against the marriage. It doesn’t make sense to me.
Ava
How is that that you, twickster, arrogate to yourself the right to comment on their marriage, but are stunned and surprised when others wish to comment on your comments?
If you truly wished to keep your thoughts to yourself, I suggest not posting them on a public message board. When you post, you invite comment from others. I udnerstand that it’d be nice if people simply agreed with you, but that’s not how it is. When you post in the Pit, you assume the risk that unsympathetic posters will reply.
The idea that you can post your comments with immunity of some kind is… not a workable one.
- Rick
I think you’re missing my point, Bricker. They say I have no right to express an opinion since I’m not affected by what they do. I’m saying, well, then, isn’t it hypocritical to express an opinion about my comments, since my comments don’t affect you?
Sorry – should have previewed, the “theys” are a little confusing.
They (avabeth and shayna) say I have to right to express an opinion, since I’m not affected by what they (the happy bride and groom) do.
I’m impressed with the level of selective reading. Where the hell did I say that you didn’t have the right to express your opinion? I’m just asking for a little proof to the assumption that the couple married only because she wanted kids and they aren’t truly in love. Which you have yet to reply to in any way, shape or form.
And I suggested that you not attend a wedding if you’re against it because I know I’d rather not have someone around who’s not happy for us and views our marriage the way you seem to view theirs - whether I know they feel that way or not. I’d much rather receive a declined RSVP.
Ava
What’s pissing me off is this thread turning into a contest of “My wedding was the cheapest so I"M THE MOST IN LOVE”.
I planned my wedding for a year and sweated and lost sleep over every detail because not only did I want it to be the fairy tale magic land of my dreams,but because I wanted all of my family and friends to have a good time and remember it for the rest of their lives. And they did.
It DID cost a lot of money, that I had because unfortunately my grandfather died before my wedding day.
My husband and I are best friends, terribly terribly in love and we want to also have children. We also had champagne and ice sculptures and passed appetizers.
It doesn’t matter if you spend $50 or $50,000. Don’t automatically write off a marriage because they CHOSE to spend money on their wedding.
I am missing that point, especially since I can find it nowhere in what either avabeth or Shayna have posted thus far. Did I miss it?
You said:
The general tone of replies to that has not been that you have no right to express an opnion, but that you have no standing to hold an opinion - in other words, you are opining about something which is not your business.
When you express that opinion in the Pit, you give standing to all other SDMB participants to comment upon it.
So while you have no real standing to criticize someone else for how much they spend on their wedding, the Pitizens have every right to criticize you for your unwarrented critique.
- Rick
I missed this earlier. That’s just rich. Would you care to explain to me exactly how this post on a public message board qualifies as a “private” rant, please?
I don’t see where anyone in this thread has either stated or implied that twickster was ungracious at the party. I think she’s being ungracious here, behind the back of her “former underling.” After having enjoyed the graciousness of her host, she comes here and badmouths her for the opulence of the affair. She implies that the bride is a liar (“What’s all this “true love” crap?”) and calls the groom a “sperm donor.” I think that’s tacky.
However, though I’d never presume twickster to have been outwardly ungracious publicly, I strongly suspect that she was rather a frump at the reception, making it obvious that she wasn’t enjoying herself, if the bride was paying any attention. She didn’t make an effort to converse with her tablemates, as the music was too loud, she apparently didn’t dance or leave her seat for much of anything else, as she was able to chart the comings and goings back and forth to the table of the gentleman sitting next to her, and she outright admits to not making any attempt to socialize because she only spent 5 minutes fantasizing about getting up and introducing herself to anyone. I sure wouldn’t have wanted her at my wedding if that’s how she was going to behave.
Let me get this straight, you aren’t either of these people and you don’t know either of these people personally, yet you feel sorry for the guy? You characterize her behavior as hunting him down and call this completely unknown person “sneaky”? How on earth could you possibly know what is in this woman’s heart or what went on between them in private conversations? For all you know she stated clearly in her online profile that she was seeking a long-term, committed relationship and had a strong desire to have children and a family. And maybe he felt exactly the same way and that’s what attracted him to her in her profile and prompted him to contact her. Why on earth would you automatically assume she was dishonest with this man? That is just bizarre.
Where did I ever say that? You have a right to feel however you please. Forgive me if I, in turn, express my distaste for those opinions when you post them publicly.
Again, where did I say I was harmed? Whose posts are you reading, because they sure aren’t mine. How about you answer my questions:
What is wrong with someone having a very strong desire to have a partner to share their lives with, and working towards the goal of finding someone who has the same desire?
What is wrong with two people who want to have the “party to end all parties” to celebrate the joy they have in having found one another – and they can afford it?
As I said before, it is tacky and petty to partake of someone’s graciousness and then look down your nose at them behind their back for having honored you with their generosity. If this kind of event is so distasteful to you, the proper and polite thing to do is to graciously decline. But don’t eat their expensive food, drink their alcohol and enjoy the music they provided for your entertainment and then post nasty, hateful things about your hosts behind their back. It’s ugly.
P.S. to Bricker, as is often the case, you’re more concise than I. Thank you.
I think some of the posts are like that, but others - like mine - were directed at kung fu lola’s fear that you can’t possibly have a nice wedding for under $20k.