Hello, Aeschines. I’m Oakminster. And now you have.
A woman can attract me with a bad pun or a well crafted argument, among other things…I’m more interested in who she is, not what she looks like.
I am an obese woman. Probably what would be considered morbidly obese, and I have had a lot of sex. When I am with someone we have sex 3 or 4 times a day and not because I am trying to feel better about my physical appearance or anything but because sex is fun! I’m not saying it isn’t awkward sometimes or doesn’t get tiring sometimes, but I think that is a part of sex with everyone. I have been with men who are rail thin, I have been with an Abercrombie and Fitch model, I have been with a guy who was much heavier than I am, and it was all good sex (that really thin guy bruised the crap out of me though. Bones poking me everywhere!) To assume that people who are heavy never get laid or couldn’t possibly be attractive to someone else is kind of boorish and rude, but I guess we all have our own feelings on the matter. I have loved deeply, been engaged, participated in threesomes, had sex for hours at a time, etc. None of these things seemed to be affected by my weight, though they probably were as much as they were affected by my hair or skin color. I am sure there are people who don’t find me attractive just as I am sure there are people who don’t find Aeschines attractive either.
Unfortunately, this seems to be degenerating into “what do men find attractive” discussion, with the OP (seemingly) claiming to have knowledge about what “all” men want to do or find attractive. Frankly, Aeschines, if you want information and honesty, I’d suggest you stop using language that can be interpreted as insulting. I’m not sure what “most guys want to bang heat” has to do with the original question of “what is different about sex with a heavy person.” Did I miss something here? I’m not the least bit interested in your opinion on attractiveness–I thought we were discussing the differences in certain types of physical experiences.
On a more light hearted note: Every time I see the thread title “What’s it like to have sex as/with an obese human,” my twisted brain thinks “as opposed what? an obese non-human?”
I’m a rather obese lady, and I’ve had sex with thin men and big fellas. The only real difference I’d note is that excess fat can get in the way of things.
Currently I’m seeing a man who has the hard beer-belly thing going on, and it kind of blocks the flow of things at times, unlike my soft squishiness that can just be adjusted or moved. The sex is still good; we just adjust and do things our own way 
I’m sure there are some positions we wouldn’t be able to do, and we can’t be as swift with changes (we started laughing at our failure one night and had to give up. We were both giggling too hard), but that doesn’t make it any worse than sex with a fit person… it’s just different.
I often wonder what the reverse is like—making love to a ballerina, especially the star of the ballet (I don’t know what the term for a ballet diva is).
But someday, even if you hate, longhair music, or you think ballet is for sissies, check one out. Maybe on TV.
Those chicks are HOT. And I imagine that if you aren’t in excellent physical condition, the ballerina will regard you as a failure in bed.
No doubt.
And in general you bang heat TOO, right?
So, an 80-year-old with raging leprosy (let’s assume it’s not contagious) and her face half rotting off could in theory get you in the sack by dint of her savoire-faire? I’m not buying it.
No… for that you’d have to google “Night Vision Donkey Sex”
I’ll go out on a limb and bet that most of them wouldn’t expect you to be perfect at all. I have always tried to keep in top physical shape, but I am not particular about bodies on men. I find a variety of types appealing, including heavier guys. My husband is a bit squishy and I wouldn’t have him any other way. He’s sexy as hell and wouldn’t look or feel right if he was skinny. I wouldn’t necessarily want him to gain 20 lbs., but if he did I would still think he is the hottest guy around.
Just “prima ballerina”, as a rule.
I’ve banged obese and I’ve banged non-obese. Non- was better.
–Mal, over forty, overweight, over the hill.
This part of your post truly touched me. It is the definition of making love, not “banging” and was very sweet indeed. 
Cartooniverse
This is going to be difficult to type with my tongue tied - heh.
Having sex with an obese person (or me, 2 years ago) would pretty much be like having sex with any other person. In my case, it would be hot, attentive and enjoyable sex.
Next question?
VCNJ~
True. God knows elegance, grace and good taste certainly don’t play into it - witness the Britney/Flasher thread in Cafe Society. :rolleyes:
VCNJ~
I think what you’re not getting is that some people have a greater range in what they find aesthetically pleasing than you might. My husband has seen me at “morbidly obese” and at “anorexic thin,” has never stopped loving me or making love to me no matter what my BMI and, truth be told, prefers me on the heavy side than on the skinny side. I have lost a tremendous amount of weight since being at my heaviest, and once asked him about the difference in our sex life or… whether or not he was more attracted to me. He thought about it for a minute and said that whether I was fat or thin made no difference to him, aesthetically–that he’s attracted to me either way and not more or less one way or the other–the only difference is that sex gets more athletic with more possible positions, and that’s fun for us both.
as_u_wish, I thought your entire post was lovely. This in particular needs repeating:
As far as “banging heat” goes, I do think Mr. Armadillo is “heat” but others may not, just like he (“speaking as a hetero guy”) finds me attractive even though you clearly would not. He does have a squishy belly, which I happen to think is wonderful. I do not find Abercrombie and Fitch models to be “bangable”. Given a choice between the pretty dude with the six-pack abs at 170 and the squishy-in-the-middle guy at 220, I’ll take the squishy guy every time.
Preach on, sistah
prima ballerina assoluta
I’ve only dated one larger girl and it was not the same for me, obese vs. non-obese. I did think it difficult to ‘find stuff,’ going down on her was not fun at all. And rough sex wasn’t appealing with her, it’s hard to do with a straight face when moving her around in the bed is an undertaking in and of itself.
Been there, tried it, wouldn’t go again but that’s just my opinion.
Actually, most of the guys I’ve been with - especially those I’ve had lasting relationships with - have not been objectively attractive. Many of my ex-boyfriends aren’t attractive to me anymore, and some of them I wasn’t attracted to when we first met, either. The attraction came after I’d gotten to know them. First I really liked them, then they were attractive, and now that I’m over them, they’re not attractive any more.
And can you stop with the “banging heat” and talk like a grown-up? You frankly sound disrespectful of… I was going to say of women who are overweight, but no, you just sound disrespectful of all women. You can admire a woman’s beauty and still talk about her like she’s a person, you know.
Okay, a word about the hijack currently going on: when my husband and I started dating, he was not particularly attracted to morbidly obese women. But he sensed something in me that he wanted to get to know better. Over time, he fell in love with me, all of me, including my sexual side (not that I only have one sexual side). Having fallen in love with me, and having become well aware of my sexual appetites, I then became his idea of “heat”.
Now, about the sex. First a little background: I had weight loss surgery six months ago. At the time of my surgery I weighed about 335, and stand 5’8". IOW, very large. At that time, we had sex 3-5 times a week. We had to find positions that worked for us. Missionary didn’t work very well, as that would push my belly up into my chest, and make it hard to breathe. Me on top didn’t work well at all, because I was too heavy for him to support my weight for very long, and because my balance sucked. Our favorite positions were dog-style or spoon-style. I’m down about 95lbs. now (hoping to lose about another 50 or so before I start thinking about plastics). The frequency of our sex has not changed. We can, however, employ a greater variety of positions, with less of me in the way. We can also achieve deeper penetration because there’s not as much fat on my body, impeding it. I know as I lose more weight, and especially after I get my plastics, there will be even more positions possible. Who knows? Maybe we’ll buy ourselves a copy of the Kama Sutra and start working our way through it.
Sex was very, very good even when I was at my heaviest. It’s very, very good now, too. Things are just different, mostly because we fit together differently. But it’s all good.
BTW, the surgery was not about looking better. It was about getting healthier, and feeling better. The looking better/more athletic sex is gravy.
Aeschines, first I want to say that I have a problem in your post that you kind of insinuate that fat people seem to be unable to have sex without someone having some sort of distrubing world view. Seems pretty shallow on your part, but that’s your cross to bear.
As a fat guy, I’ve had sex with both what people would call heavy and proportional women, and I’ve at least never had a problem getting “the naughty bits” as they say together. Every one of them was a very attaractive woman IMHO, and I’d quantify all as being in the “hot and enjoyable” category as well. My wife is on the heavy side, and about the only thing is that she doesn’t like is not having her breasts supported as some previous posters have mentioned.
Since we’ve had a lot of women post, from a guy’s perspective I can say that the biggest thing is that I worry about is that at least I need to worry about is getting the right angle for penetration due to my weight being lower on my body (and hence in the groin area). I know I have sometimes felt bad about having to take a few seconds to get everything matched up (but thats probably just in my head, I don’t think it’s been a problem for my partners). But once it gets worked out properly, it’s all good! Sure, we haven’t gone through the entire Kama Sutra, but thats mostly because I am not that flexible and I haven’t figure out how the get my body flexible enough to put my legs behind my neck. :eek:
Oh and alice in wonderland I sweat like a pig too durring sex, but I can sweat in a snowstorm, so I know what you are talking about! Keeping a fan on in the room helps a lot 
More to the OP’s post however, I know a couple that are the opposite extremes. The Guy is a workout maniac, sixpack abs, etc and the women is VERY heavy. However they still find each oher attactive, and based on her comments still enjoy a very active (and in fact adventerous) sex life.
Basically, I’d say in terms of the actual result, it doesn’t make a whit of difference what your body build is; sex can and in fact is very enjoyable no matter what your body build is. As long as you find the person attractive, and ultimately thats a matter of them as a person anyway, not anything shallow like looks.