One, stolen from Teenage muntant Ninja Turtles 2 I actually got to use.
In the middle of a bit of suggestive workplace banter on a slow night a certain young lady replied “In your dreams” to me.
The reply of course “If I was dreaming you would be thinner”
The most evil publicly delivered retort I ever threw out and it kinda started a fight that could have turned into a major situation.
Be patient, lots of supporting/setting information.
DCI South Regionals, 1988 a member of the another drum & bugle corps wanders up to us and starts blathering praise for our performance. Hes kinda a reject in his own group and for some reason has decided he wants to come talk to us every show we have in common. In this case his group is parked right next to us.
I have no idea how he got dusted with sand or dust or something, but he said “how did I get this sand shit all over me?”
My reply “Thats dirt from your show dumbass!”
Now “dirt” in this context basically means your show is dirty, IE not clean, IE full of mistakes.
Its pretty much one of the most insulting things you could say to someone who is a current competitor in what amounts to the olympics of marching band, and I just did it in front of a couple dozen members of my group and about 5 of his group were in earshot.
Most of our guys starting laughing, he got in my face and told me he was gonna kick my ass.
I replied “oooh dirtboy thinks he tough, probably miss me like you did every attack and release in your opening piece”
He did miss when he tried to hit me, the 5-6 members of his group in sight moved in to back him up and were very quickly confronted by almost 20 members of our group. They backed off quickly.
Of course our corps director found out, and asked me about it. I told him, he just kinda muttered something and walked off.