What's the medical term for having a stick up your ass removed?

Factual Questions
1

I was tempted to not explain this at all, but I didn’t want to be the SDMB resident “ya fuck one goat” guy, so here’s why I want to know:

We have a good friend that’s been dating this doctor health-nut guy, and every time they hang out with us he always makes some supercilious remark about how many times he’s had to perform liver surgery “on guys like you” or some grating comment like that. Basically, we’re all idiots b/c we drink/smoke/play/eat, and he’s oh-so superior b/c he goes windsurfing, drinks liquified kelp or some shit, and can medically explain why we’re all foolishly destroying our bodies. Next time he busts out with some crack like that, I would love to say something along the lines of “say - next time you’re at the hospital, maybe you can schedule a ‘foreign object rectalectomy’ for yourself.” But I’m hoping for the exact technical medical term for what that would be, perhaps in such a medical jargon that only he would understand what I said, which would make it much better.

Can anyone help me out? Or, if someone has an even better thing to say, I’d love to hear it.

2

Seriously?

Foreign body removal from the colon. I’d give you the surgical codes, but I am without book at the moment. (Sorry I can’t give you anything more romantic.)

If you go to this site, click on the “Endoscopy” menu and select “Foreign Body - Rectum” you can watch actual endoscopic footage of a foreign body removal. Once again, this is NOT for the squeamish. And remember, you asked.

Robin

3

“Foreign body removal from the colon” - gah! Everyone will think I made that up on the spot. I need the surgical codes - I need the ER-speak!

Thanks for that horrific link. FTR, I do not recall asking for that. :slight_smile:

4

“Code Brown”?

5

A stick-ectomy?

6

The codes aren’t the ER-speak. The ER-speak IS foreign body removal. The codes are billing-office speak so we can get paid. :slight_smile:

And you’re welcome for the link, BTW.

Robin

7

rectal brancihotomy?

8

I think you would get better quality (relative to your objective) and more creative responses if you re-posted this in the Pit.

9

Well you could look at him in a concerned way and say he’s been showing signs of an oral-anal fistula. (That’s the reason whenever he opens his mouth, sh*t comes out.)

PC

10

How about a Cranial/rectal Impaction?

Or an anal twigectomy?

11

Guys, guys; wood is xylem – the guy needs a recto-xylectomy.

12

Tell him this:

“Next time you’re at the hospital, why don’t you stop by Radiology and get yourself X-rayed. I want to find out what people see in you.”

Might help…

13

Then there’s the phrase “verbal diaherria”… (apologies for the misspelling)

14

You could suggest that he see a neuroproctologist.

15

I like “recto-xylectomy”. Would he know what I was talking about? IOW, do doctors actually use this term?

16

Cecil Adams on Is it true what they say about gerbils?. So we know what the opposite is called

17

I believe getting the stick up your ass removed is called switching from Republican to Democrat.

18

Sounds like he suffers from craniorectal insertion. I assume the cure would be craniorectal extraction. If you don’t want to be quite that insulting, ask him if he gets an employee discount on anal broomstick removal, or some such.

19

Psychotherapy.

20

Oh, and have some pity for the poor guy. One of these days, he’s going to up and die of nothing.