I need to know… I’ve got a real beaut going on here where everyone can see it if I don’t leave my hair hanging down around my neck and in my face. Of course it doesn’t help that I’ve got the whitest skin in the universe.
I’ve got a family get-together going on reeeeally soon.
Any tips? Tricks?
Should I just give it a name and introduce it?
You could try alternate hot and cold poultices, but I doubt there’s much you can do to significantly speed up the natural healing process.
turtleneck
If you’re gonna be indoors with moderate to low light levels then heavy duty cover-up will usually do the trick. Since you are so white this will be easy for you because you don’t have to try and match a tan color. Also you can wear a high collared shirt. If all else fails go to the 24 hour drug store and pick up some of those super big band-aids, you can tell people that you got stung by a bee and you had an allergic reaction.
snicker
you can put a bandage over it or bruise or discolor the entire area.
Just say you walked into the door by accident; always works 
Decapitation
Taking Berdollos a step further. Use a bandage but before putting it on, stain it with some fake or real blood so it will look like a cut covered with a bandage.
You will have to come up with a story (infected cat scratch, plaster falling, etc), but that may be more acceptable to you than the truth.
Any good camper should know that leeches will work. Just pop a leech on that sucker (woo, that’s bad) and it should clear it right up. If not, just leave the leech there at and no one will say anything to you at all.
Goddamnit, HideoHo! You stole my answer!!!
bwk, if you’ve got a dog, you can always say you were playing, and he/she jumped up and you got hit in the neck with a snout.
Ummm…maybe you were vacuuming lint off of your collar and the nozzle hit your neck???
Or, just ignore it. If someone comments, act surprised.
“I have a what??? I didn’t even know!”
Someone told me to cover it in toothpaste and let the toothpaste stay on it for awhile. It’s supposed to draw out the color or something. I don’t know if it works or not. If all else fails, go with the bee sting story and a bandaid.
You think one hickey is bad? After our prom party, my best friend was SO blue, all around her jawline and neck - everyone thought her boyfriend had beaten her up! She honestly looked as though she’d been smacked in the face, and possibly even choked. And she was so hungover and tired and unhappy about the hickeys, it was quite possible to believe that she had been beaten. We finally convinced her to stop being embarassed and to admit it - she was dating a vacuum cleaner. When there’s not much else you can do, you might as well just accept it 
I tried this once (after being a bad boy when I was much younger and having a girlfirend who was coming home that night) and it worked for me. Take three soup/table spoons and stick them in the freezer for half an hour or so. Take one of the spoons and rub the curve of the bowl over the area until it heats up to body temp. Holding it by the handle helps keep the bowl from heating up too quickly and concentrates the cold on the hickey.
Put that spoon back in the freezer, grab another one and repeat. It’ll probably take you an hour or more of consistent work on the area. I found three spoons in rotation enabled the first one to freeze back down by the time number three was warm.
YMMV, but my hickey was gone by the time the girlfriend got home and she was never the wiser.
Good luck.
Witch hazel & comfrey tincture.
Don’t conceal it at all, and if anyone comments, act as though they’re being completely idiotic/childish. “Yeah, it’s a hickey. What’s your point? Nothing? Retard.”
A belt sander might work.
There’s always celibacy.
Do NOT put toothpaste on it! Trust me…I tried that waaaayyy back when. The whole side of my neck was red for days, & the hickey was still as prominent as ever. I made up some dumb story about being at a dance & getting hit by a belt someone was flinging around. I am still embarrassed about that.
Go with the bandaid/beesting remedy…I think it’s the best option here.
trust me. i go in for biting.
high collars in summer…nope
band aids…nope
toothpaste…nope
makeup…if it works, ok.
your best bet is ice packs and arnica.
anyway, it shouldn’t take more than 4 days to disappear.