You have Billie Bob, Michael Douglas, and of course Clinton.
I’m a young 30 something and I work in a situation where college undergraduates share my office and work.
These girls are very physically attractive and they flirt with me. Flirt very strongly. I’m single but I’m looking for a woman my own age.
It’s hard to meet women my own age, and everyday I get the google eyes from these girls; and again, they’re pretty nice.
Personally, I think I should leave them alone; and date someone my own age. That’s getting to be a girl who’s hard to find, and these girls are getting aggressive.
So what’s too much of an age advantage or difference?
(I picture most guys saying what the fuck is your problem) but I’ve always pictured a ten year difference to be a big deal.
And where the hell are these professional women who can’t find guys. I’ll be done my dissertation soon.
647 some of these gals are probably only interested in a quick roll in the hay, others of them might be interested in something more permanent. Don’t let the age issue get to you. Years ago, I had the chance to date a red head and I didn’t do it because I thought she was “too young” for me. :rolleyes: She was four years younger than I was, and I’ve never had the chance to date a red head again. The best girlfriend I ever had was considerably younger than I am, and if I hadn’t been such an idiot, I’d never have lost her. Don’t think of yourself as a dirty old man or a scumbag, just think of yourself as a man who was born before his time :D!
I’m 43, and my wife is 30. It surprises me to say that, because I was involved with older women for much of my single life, and I have always been most attracted to women of at least 30, even when I was 20. But for me the issue is not the scumbag question at all. For me it’s a matter of finding a woman with enough brains, maturity, and self-confidence to keep my interest. When I did, it turned out she was 13 years younger than me.
Are you having qualms about being seen as a dirty old man? If so, well, early 30’s isn’t that much of a difference, to me. Or are you concerned that you might have very little in common? If it’s the latter, I’d say that’s possible. Of course individuals are all different, and some may be very mature. But if it were me, I’d look for a grad student.
This is probably more of an IMHO question, but what the heck.
Go for it. You may find that you have more in common with her than you thought. If not, well, at least it gets you out of the house on a Friday night.
Incidentally, I did this once, dating a woman who was 11 years older than me. It ended up not working out, mainly because she was starting to get really anxious about getting married and having kids, while I wanted to spend my 20’s in pursuit of mindless, selfish hedonism (I’m thinking of spending my 30’s that way, too).
Oh yeah, one more data point: my mother is eight years older than my father, and they’ve been happily married for 35 years. Of all the differences that can exist between two people, age is a minor one.
Actually, a simple rule:
If the ladies are uncomfortable and awkward with your advances toward them (seems not to be the case here), then you’re a scumbag.
If they’re interested, then you’re not.
This may be a bit simplified (and not to be taken that seriously), but it works for me!
Yeah, this probably will end up in IMHO. To try to keep it here, there was a manners maven who set as a guideline half one’s own age plus seven. Was that Miss Manners, Letetia Baldridge, or someone else?
Yeah, but at my age, that still puts me into seriously dangerous waters should we ever stray. In this state at least, but in Hawaii the age of consent is 14. So 647, if you want to be a real scumbag, you could move to Hawaii and become an eighth grade soccer coach and it would be perfectly legal. :rolleyes:
Or you could stick to the 18 rule. Personally I think you would be a little embarrased taking an 18 year old to parties with you but I say go for it. At that age she may not want anything too serious either.
647 What makes Michael Douglas and Clinton scumbags (I don’t know enough about Billy Bob to comment) IMHO is not that they got involved with younger woman, but the way they treated the older women to whom they had made presumably lifetime commitments.
I’m assuming from your OP that you are not married or involved in a long-term relationship with someone your own age. If that’s the case, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with exploring an attraction to a woman of any age over the age of consent.
Dumping the wife who stuck with you for years and raised your children for some young thing = scumbag.
Keeping the wife, but fooling around with some young thing on the side = worse.
Enjoying a mutually satisfying relationship with someone from a different age group, or even a different generation, is fine by me.
P.S. I’m one of those professional women who can’t find guys. Then again, I’m probably too old for you.
The same ladies who are giving you “google eyes” are the same ones who practically run away when they see me coming. So you’re wondering what you’re supposed to do? If you’re only looking for one thing, and they’re over 18, who cares? If it’s okay with them and it’s okay with you, then go for it. Of course, if you’re looking for more than just something physical, then don’t mess around with the young twentysomethings.
And if it’s professional women you’re looking for…
Well, to help keep it here in GQ, how about a cultural comparison?
I’ve read that the Aborigines of Australia have (or used to have) a tradition where a young person’s first spouse was expected to be much older, 20 or 30 years older. This way, the couple benefited from the experience of the older partner, and the younger one learned.
Then, when the older spouse died of natural causes, the younger one - presumably now much older - was expected to take a much younger second spouse.
Obviously, this didn’t always work as neatly as I describe, but that’s not the point.
Also, I had a 26 year old male friend who married a nearly 50 year old woman and then moved off to Boston and settled down in a brownstone. Yes, she was wealthy, but it wasn’t a case of kept man and sugar mama - they really cared for each other. The groom’s mother was livid!
The first time I read the 1/2 + 7 formula was in “the Autobiography of Malcom X,” where it was cited as old Arab custom (although the Black Muslims have atributed a lot of stuff to old Arab custom - so I can’t vouchsafe that origin).
I would say the teacher/student relationship is more of an ethical issue than the age difference. Anyway, this thread belongs in IMHO as there isn’t a factual answer to it, I’m pretty sure. - Jill
Thanks for the feedback everybody (and the Mods moved it to the right forum). It’s not a GQ.
It’s not a teacher/student thing. What gets me is that some of the girls complain about their boyfriends while pressing themselves against me: Yeah, you’re fishing for sympathy from an older guy because your 20 year old boyfriend is a lughead (like I was any different at 20); what am I supposed to besides affirm that fact that he’s an insensitive meathead? I get that–(except the pressing of your tits in my back while you whisper this shit in my ear–Why do that? You have a boyfriend after all). Are they thinking about stepping out on their unsatisfying boyfriend?
It’s the unattached girls I was wondering about. At my age, dinner and drinks is a nice first date. Some of these girls are very cute and smart, but they can’t drink (legally).
I just seems weird to me to say, instead of another glass of wine: “would you like a refill of iced tea?”
The only way I wouldn’t tell my girlfriend to hit the bricks in favor of Catherine Zeta Jones would be if I was already dating someone like Cameron Diaz.
647 - As someone in his late twenties (who still behaves like a 23 yr old lughead) I think its ok for me to date anyone from 21 to 35 yr old. You can adjust slightly for your own age.
I don’t really like girls in college, however. A lot of them are still very immature and irritating. I also have trouble respecting girls who throw themselves at me (hey, its a mystery to me as well, but it happens often enough). Its like “can you be MORE obvious?”. But, I’ll also admit its flatering and a bit of an ego boost.
In any event, I avoid assigning limits based on age (except 21. I want to be able to take her to a bar). If shes 22 and mature, cool. If shes 35 and a bimbo, well that might be fun once and a while, but don’t expect a call the next day.
Cripes, pal, pretty soon you’re gonna be so old that them young 'uns ain’t gonna notice you at all! (Not that I have to worry about that, they tend not to notice me, no matter what my age! ) Enjoy it while you can.
I’m young-ish (20), but I always feel a lot younger that I really am. I look like I’m 15, I have tiny breasts, I still have acne, and I just lost my virginity a few months ago, when all my friends have been having sex for years. So I still feel like I’m really young, and it creeps the hell out of me when men significantly older than me hit on me. Even older than me, but stil in their 20s weirds me out, because my first thought is, “Whoa! He must love little girls! What a pervert!”
I see nothing else wrong with other girls and my friends dating older men, but the idea of me doing it freaks me out.
ISTR that being mentioned in Little Women as the ideal age difference between husband and wife (and Louisa Alcott was, of course, born considerably before Judith Martin (a/k/a “Miss Manners”) or Letitia Baldridge).
The best girlfriend I ever had was considerably younger than I am, and if I hadn’t been such an idiot, I’d never have lost her. Don’t think of yourself as a dirty old man or a scumbag, just think of yourself as a man who was born before his time :D!
