“You aren’t as attractive as you think you are.”
In one succinct sentence you’re telling the person they’re ugly AND they’re conceited and/or trying (unsuccessfully) to compensate for their ugliness.
So they’re ugly AND pathetic.
The worst insult seems to be this one “Sweet sixteen and never had multiple orgasms during anal sex while swallowing!”
This one works when I have used it:
“Your mom should have went ahead with the abortion”
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“I think the better part of you dripped down the inside of your mother’s leg.”
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“Your so ignorant you thought Peter Pan was a urinal!”
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“If ignorance is bliss, you have to be the happiest person I have ever met.”
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“It’s obvious you need some chlorine in your gene pool.”
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“How about a nice, tall, refreshing glass of shut the hell up?”
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“Do you like pancakes…then pancake your ass out of my sight.”
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“I know what you got on your SAT…drool.”
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“Why don’t you climb up my leg and have a ball.”
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and the old stand by…“I sort of like you…if you were on fire I would piss on you to put it out.”
Hey! What’s wrong with Smeghead?
From Black Adder, and more of a curse than an insult: “May God hate you and all your kind, may you be turned orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an inconvenient moment.”
Who?
I like George Carlin’s seven dirty words, said fast like he does it in the old records (Now available on mp3, boys and girls! )
Why don’t you crawl back up your mother’s cunt, and this time try to come out as a human being. Thank you.
“Isn’t it sad when cousins marry?”
You need a window in your belly so you can see with your head up your ass.
(when my little brother is complaining about something) (to someone else in the room:) Do you hear an odd noise? Is something wrong with the furnace?
Comedian to Heckler:
“I don’t know why your giving me so much trouble, I don’t come in to where you work and slap the dicks out of your mouth!”
I don’t know if these are the best…
for a whiner - Jesus needs his cross back or do I hear the world’s smallest violin?
Once when my boss was being a dillhole I looked at him and said: “if you died and came back as the stick up somebody’s butt, it would be an improvement”
And yes, I kept my job.
I take great pleasure in knowing that, one hundred years from now, you will be dead as a doornail.
I agree on the juvenile part. So much of that reminds me of grade school. What can you say that hasn’t been said? “You’re juvenile, sophomoric, immature, pre-adolescent, acting like a baby, acting like a premie, acting like an embryo, acting like an ovum…”
Leave and never soil my towels again.
Mark Twain
Best used in a club/bar etc when someone repulsive is hitting on you:
I’d rather use a fiberglass tampon than give you my number.
Your mom called and said to pick her up from the truck stop…she made her quota.
Were your parents related?
And my personal favorite…after a guy came up to me and asked me to blow him-no hi,no my name is,etc…
If I wanted to put something short and skinny in my mouth I’d ask the bartender for a toothpick-which I’m sure would dwarf whatever you have to offer.
In reponse to someone calling me stupid on this board.
“I do not possess the intelligence required to explain to you just how fucked up you are. No one–not even our beloved Cecil Adams is that smart.”
Dear, we have a corporation now.
Please fill out the requisite forms, and let me deal with them, while you dress tastefully.
When brains were being passed out, he was first in line but held the door open for everyone.