I am partial to ‘Sucker at the teat of a syphilitic camel.’ Or ‘Poster Child for Birth Control’.
Listen you slimey piece of venereal drip, if I want to hear any of your shit, I’ll be sure to wipe first. Understand, useless?
24 and the best I got in response thusfar has been “Jane, you ignorant slut”.
I boosted my current fave from Walter Matthau in Grumpy Old Men: “Do the world a favor. Pull your lip over your head and swallow.”
lol, damn. :eek:
The wheels turning but the hamsters dead.
Or, you look like you’v been ducking for chips (as opposed to apples) and had your face put out with a hammer.
Thanks for the tip Show_Biz. The best insults are in the guise of pity.
“I used to have a shirt like that, then my Daddy got a job.”
My sister once wrapped up a 5 minute ass chewing to an inept plumber with “… and what kind of man are you that’d take a cussin’ like this off a woman.” I think his bladder let go. She is an artist.
Why don’t you just jump up my ass and bark !
I can use it for a number of purposes , it can be said to either sex. There is only one dirty word in it.
:Off topic:
Mr. Inor: Sir, I would be delighted to fill out any form required but I’m afraid that the most tasteful outfit I own is this pearl trimmed seashell bra. Due to my “special anatomy” no pants, skirts, shoes or even undergarments are required. 
Well, I try to avoid the whole insult thing, but if I ever did need to say something, it would be along the lines of:
“Your ridiculous opinion has been noted.” accompanied by the Stare of Death.
or
(pulling down bottom of eyelid) “Look in here. Do you see anyone that give a $*it?” - that one courtesy of my Dad (always said in jest to us).
Goodbye, twit.
I don’t have much time for insults or people who use them, but when I must do something, it’s very understated.
- I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening
- Hold that thought (and then talk to someone else or change the subject)
- You wore that same shirt the last two times I saw you.
- God, do I have to fart. Where’s the head? (He will point it out, even if he was just steaming. You walk away, but just to the next person and start talking to them.
I like to call guys who are being pests at parties and in bars simple names that they ignore at the time and worry about later.
“Can you pass the peanuts, Zit Face?”
“Hey, Paunchy, what’s that you’re drinking?”
“Hey, Twitch, I think you’ve had enough to drink.”
Congratulations, you’re a complete moron.
Did you think of that all by yourself? What a stunning insight.
If I wanted to hear from a chattering monkey with a hard-on, I’d go to the zoo.
I think I will go fuck myself. It’s bound to be better than talking to you.
Did you ever work for Microsoft?
You would somehow manage to kill yourself with a cardboard box.
How exactly did you pull off this latest spectacle of stupidity?
“If I were you, I’d change my mind”
You drink your own bath water, you shallow-brained, toe jam slurping, llama defiling, simpering whelp of a space alien’s romantic fling at the zoo.
That’s 25
All those millions of sperm, and you were the fastest?
Child of a wet dream.
Yo momma so fat, I swerved to miss her and ran outta gas.
Yo momma has an afro with a chin strap.
Mouthbreather.
Those are all the ones I can come with on the spot. For me, it’s a much more spontaneous, situational thing.
My your dog’s anus be familiar with the warmth of your breath!
(Thanks to Fishbone for that one!)
If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the requisite forms.
That one cracks me up every time I think of it. I haven’t had occasion to use it yet; I’m actually pretty non-confrontational, even on the net, but you never know…
I’ve always liked the very simple dismissals, usually with one “fuck” thrown in to show that you mean it:
If some idiot keeps bugging you though you’ve tried to let them know to go away: “Can’t you take a fucking hint? Go away.”
In response to anything (works as a comeback): “Are you done?” -act completely bored, then walk away
And the best, if said with any real emotion, always has been, and always will be: “Fuck you.”
Granted, they’re very basic, but with any real feeling behind them, very effective stuff.
from my friend robert
“go fuck a rolling cheerio”
Courtesey of Londo Molari
“Arrogance and stupidity all in one package, how efficient of you”
My personal favorites:
“your daddy works in tech support”
“I wouldnt fuck her with your dick”
Off a movie I dont remember other than this line
“If you were the last woman on earth, holding the last scrap of food on the planet, I wouldnt ask you to share it on the off chance I might feel obligated to fuck you”
“there isnt that much beer **or **ketchup on the planet”