My Mother’s: Shoot. Except, I inunciate it: shƐt
Of those already mentioned, I have used “fuck” (of course), “assfucker,” “Jesus fuck” (when I was younger, not so much any more), and, yes, “balls.”
These days, most commonly, I will spout “fuck,” with “monkeyfucker” a distant second; or if I have a moment to censor myself, “zut alors.” That one gets some odd looks.
I would like very much to bring back “zounds,” which is short for “God’s wounds” and is quite profane in the original and literal sense of the word. Maybe I’ll start with “'sblood” and see how it goes.
The Daughters have reminded me that I am prone to saying “Jiminy Cricket” on occasion.
It appears my rather quaint style of cursing is a never-ending source of amusement for my offspring.
My mother’s favorite, which kills me every time, is “Jesus Christopher Columbus!” or “Gee Wee Louee [like Louise without the -se]”
My mother’s favorite is “garsh.” And she sounds just like Goofy when she says it.
My Dad used to say “Jeezum Crowbars” on the few occasions when he attempted to clean up his language; and he clearly picked this up from my grandfather, who used it as a substitute only slightly more often. Because of this, I had a hard time saying “crowbar” until about the age of ten, worried it might be a naughty word. Fortunately, “crowbars” come up in conversation only rarely.
Thirty years ago [Ack! Thirty years??] a co-worker let loose with: “Oh, Jesus wept and Peter mopped it up!”
Still can’t decide if it was quaint or just odd.
I’ve recently taken to muttering “Horse pickles!” Don’t know why. (Yes, I’m familiar with the term horse apple.)
Sorry, but you’re 20 years behind the times. 
Just to set the record straight, “hosebag” was our usual euphemism for “slut” from 1983-1987. It still gets used on occasion, but with nowhere near the frequency it did when we were in our teens.
In fact, I just did a bit of digging and found an old D&D character sheet from 1985 featuring a character sketch of my fighter. One of my buddies erased 'ol Callon’s sword and replaced it with a sign reading “We Want Hosebags”, and the change remains to this day.
That’s weird. I used to know a guy in the 80’s with an exceedingly germanic last name (I think it was Hersepeigel, or something). We called him Horse Pickle.
Poor fella…
My default is “crap on a bun”. Don’t ask me why.
Robin
My usual is just “fuck!” There’s a reason why it’s a classic. I’m also quite fond of “Jesus tit!” which I picked up from an old college friend. It’s usually used in times of extreme surprise or exasperation. See also, “oh, for fuck’s sake!” and “Jesus Christ on a cracker with cheese!”
My old stand by used to be Bite Me until I started dating a girl that would take that as a request, and hard too.
Now It’ usually Fuck or Bloody Hell (I blame that one on reading too much Pratchett)
So it never occurred to you to use “Fuck me (and hard, too)” as a substitute??
Oy, that hurts even me.
Fucker. Not fuck, but fucker. Regardless of whether or not I’m cursing off a person. I’m walking on a sprained ankle, leaving math class the other day, and my weight comes down wrong - “Fucker!”
The guy in front of me turned with this horribly apologetic look on his face, and I thus launched into an explanation of my injuries and my cursing practices…
What he/she said. With apostrophes.
I’m always fond if Scheisskopf (shithead). I have absolutely no idea where I picked it up from, but I tend to use it instead of my default Cantonese swearing if there’s too many Asians around.
Perhaps I should change it to “Sweet zombie Jesus!”.
Actually, the word ejaculation can also mean a “sudden, emotional utterance”
And I, for one, recommend using it as such as often as possible, if only for the expression of shocked innocence you can wear when someone accuses you of being obscene.
I know, I know, but for fuck’s sake, I couldn’t resist.
I always start my cursing with “For the love of…” and change the ending according to my audience:
“For the love of little green apples” is my favorite if I’m around little kids or my mother.
My favorite cursing is what they substitute for real cursing on TV adaptations of movies. My favorite was in Good Will Hunting, where Matt Damon kept calling everyone a “monkeyfunner”
Hee!
This is completely off topic, but does that mean I’ve been whooshed? If not, what is a whooshing? I’ve tried searching for it, but got back 20+ pages of results. This fucking newbie would appreciate the shit out of it if you would give her a bleeding clue.