Bring some food. It’s really hard for people to think about cooking a nice dinner when they’re grieving.
A very important thing to say is, “How are you doing?” and then let them talk.
I lost my first child almost eight years ago. What bugged me the most were the people who apparently kept scripts handy so they’d know what to say when, so I got a lot of platitudes and empty sentiment.
The only additional advice I can give is to think about what you’re saying before you say it. Otherwise, I’m going to echo what everyone else has already said.
Robin
There are some wonderful ideas suggested here, but I do have a few to add. First, to all of you who have lost a child, please accept my heartfelt sympathy and understanding.
When Libertarian and I lost our little grandson, Dawson, to cancer 18 months ago, some of the Dopers here went out and bought toys, then brought them to other children in the hospital in Dawson’s name. That kind act meant so much to us knowing the joy it gave to another child.
Another friend of the family had a star named after Dawson and gave his parents a framed certificate of his star.
Never be afraid to remember and speak of the child with the family. You will not unexpectedly remind them of the child… they are always thinking of their missing child, believe me.
Have a locket engraved with the child’s name or give an angel pin with the child’s birthstone. The mother will treasure it and wear it often.
Give them a hug or two or three, and a shoulder to cry on when they need a little extra comforting.
And, don’t forget the grandparents; they not only grieve for the loss of a child, they also carry the pain of not being able to shelter their child from such pain, nor can they ever make it better for them.