When Did It Finally Dawn On You That You Were Outrageously Overweight?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Oops, sorry I didn’t make that post clearer.

Well, fortunately, no… I’m glad to report that works just fine. Let’s just say the lack of interest was definitely on her part :smiley:

You know, honestly, I still don’t know for sure what she was thinking. Putting everything together, my best guess is that she was just trying to be friendly – she was generally outgoing and open with people – and she didn’t realize that, at some point, she crossed a line and her actions after that were open to misinterpretation. Maybe she was just being herself and she didn’t really think about what her actions could’ve been taken as?

The longer version:

We were on vacation at the time, a small group of Americans in France, and I’d gotten to know her over the past week or so. Nothing leading up to that point would’ve suggested to me that she was interested in anything, but the very last weekend we were there, I mustered all the courage I had and took a big risk by asking her and two mutual friends (all female) to go with me on a trip out of the city. They agreed!

Heh, so the next day I found myself with three girls at a beautiful, exotic little town by the sea. The sun was out, the birds were singing, the ocean was stunning, yada yada yada… everyone was having a blast of a time and we were literally skipping down the streets! For my part, I was amused at the situation and definitely enjoying it, but I wasn’t stupid enough to think it was anything more than a gathering of friends.

At some point, the group split up and I was left alone with the gal I was interested in. We were at the beach, sitting on the rocks and watching the waves crash near us. We shared some music – turned out we liked a lot of the same stuff – and chatted. That went on for an hour or two, and during that time I asked a few times whether she’d like to join the others at the town (because I didn’t know if she was comfortable alone without her friends). She said no and she actually seemed perfectly content. So we ended up just spending some more time, and she was friendly throughout and we were both having fun. I had my camera with me and I was taking photos of her. She was smiling, not exactly posing, but not uncomfortable either. By that point, I thought my interest was obvious…

Not long after that, we went back to the hotel. The front desk said our other friends weren’t back yet, and I suggested that we go find them at the town (again, didn’t want to force her into a potentially awkward situation). She thought about it but suggested the room instead. The rest was history.

:confused:

It’s hard for me to believe that she was really that oblivious, but she also didn’t seem like the manipulative type who would lead people on just for kicks. Shrug. Maybe she did think of me as the “fat-but-safe” friend, and maybe she was just being too friendly without knowing it. Her “Why does this always happen to me?” response suggests that something similar has happened before; she was probably too nice to some guy, he mistook it as something more, etc.? I dunno.

But anyway, I have no regrets. That last weekend there was supposed to be a non-event (because our group missed the signup deadline for the regular activity and we were left behind), but instead, we turned it into an awesome end! We partied it up afterwards, getting drunk and happy on cider and ice cream crepes… was definitely worth it.

What happened with her hurt, sure, but I wasn’t expecting anything to begin with, and though she did get my hopes up only to crush them right afterwards (seems like that’s an innate female ability :stuck_out_tongue: ), it did serve as a catalyst for change. A tough lesson well learned.

Back to the topic, I’m 5’ 10" and I used to weigh 250. I had lost some weight prior to the vacation, and the vacation itself slimmed me down further (it’s unbelievable how much more the people there walk on a daily basis and how much less they eat), but I was still “fat”, if not obese. The weight I’d lost in France, coupled with her disgust, gave me the determination to keep going. I’m 170 now, eating MUCH better, and working out or exercising 4-7 days a week. It’s been a complete lifestyle change; I’m healthier now, somewhat happier, and I can actually look in the mirror without getting disgusted. I have her to thank. So all in all, a happy ending :slight_smile:

42

Lessee.

I have two to report neither of which applies to me but might have some bearing.

Watching a Discovery Channel show about super-sized people (300+ pounders) and one guy who weighed more than 500 said that for the longest time he said that 300 would be the absolute maximum he would allow himself to get. He stayed in the 290’s and then finally broke the 300 mark. He tried several diets / exercise regimes etc. with no success and then stopped. He said then that going from 300 to 400 seemed to happen over night.

The other account of this sort of revelation was from a newspaper article about losing weight. A guy said that at an outdoor party, his brother in front of just about everybody clapped him on the shoulder and said, “Dave, you’re getting fat.” The brother wasn’t trying to be funny nor cruel and the other guy didn’t believe him.

He asked others at the party who grudgingly agreed that he had been putting on weight steadily for some time now and that was all it took. Then followed the gym membership, the healthier diet and eventual success.

43

3 Days ago, I couldn’t get my pants on properly. I’ve now started cycling. For the Record, I’m 6 foot 5 inches and probably about 360lbs.

44

My main alarm bells were:
–When I started having to shop at Lane Bryant
–When I couldn’t cross my legs all the way because my thighs were so fat
–When I got stretch marks all over my thighs and hips
–When I got a double chin

I was always a slender teenager, then I gained weight in college. Once, after being away at school for a few months, I came home to visit and my mom later said that she was so shocked when she saw me that she felt like crying.

I lost a lot of the weight after college, but a couple of years later, during a period of depression and lots of hard partying, I became almost 60 pounds overweight. I was gross. I hadn’t had a cute guy hit on me for a couple of years which sucked because inside, I was still the pretty skinny girl I was in high school, but on the outside, I looked like crap. (The lack of decent dates was also a big sign.)

What also contributed was that I started a new job that had an awesome deli/restaurant in my office building and the temptation was just too much. When you’re depressed, having a yummy lunch is sometimes the best part of your day.

In hindsight, I didn’t even realize at the time how bad it was. Now, after losing all the weight, I look at photos of myself when I was fat and I am horrified, because at the time, in my own eyes, I didn’t realize I looked that bad.

45

I hear about people who’ve lost a lot of weight, looked normal (or better), but still considered themselves fat and acted that way. From your description, it seems like the reverse is also true?

Did people behave differently towards you through the different periods?

46

Well, I’m not outrageously overweight, but when you’re 4’10", every pound shows. 3 things prompted me to change my habits:

  1. The Princess said to me last week, “Mommy, you would look so pretty if you were skinny.” She used to tell me how beautiful I was.

  2. My hands started to go numb while I slept, so I got that “pins and needles” feeling when I woke.

  3. Trouble breathing when I lie on my back for an extended period.

I have started walking more and eating more vegetables and less bread. I feel better than I did two weeks ago.

47

Well basically… for most of my life I was a slender cute girl. For the few years I was fat, the only attention I got from guys was from less-than-desirable guys (IMHO). Like attracts like - this was definitely true for me. Then when I became skinny again, I started to notice guys paying attention to me again - random cute guys looking me up and down in the grocery store; hot guys flirting with me in bars - that was something that I had not experienced in a long time. So yeah, as far as the opposite sex was concerned, I was definitely treated differently being fat vs. being skinny.

On the other hand, even though I am officially back to being “slender,” I still feel the shame of being fat. In my size 6 jeans, I am still constantly worried about how I look. It was just. so. horrible. being fat that I think I was a bit traumatized. But I also gained a huge amount of empathy for fat people and feel like I have much more in common with any random fat stranger than with any random skinny stranger.

48

For the people in this thread saying things like this, you are not gross and disgusting; you’re just fat. *I’m * not gross and disgusting; I’m just fat. You have more fat on your body that a skinnier person; it doesn’t make you a gross and disgusting person. Never bathing, being a horrible person, being mean to old ladies and kicking puppies - THAT would make you gross and disgusting. Not a few pounds of jiggle.

49

Featherlou, I never meant to imply that I think anyone who is fat is gross. Quite the opposite. In my opinion, one of the most beautiful celebrities out there today is Queen Latifah. She is gorgeous. I just felt “gross” in my own body. That is just my own personal feelings. If you look at pre-fat, fat, and post-fat photos of me, any reasonable person would say that I look my best when I am non-fat.

And I have to say that one of the things that sucked the most was not being able to fit into the cutest clothes. That is my most favorite thing to do now that I have lost the weight - walk into any nice store and be able to fit into all the gorgeous clothes, in a size 6, no less. Before, I could only just dream…

50

I always had a tendency to be 5 - 10 pounds overweight as a teen, but I started gaining when I was 20 and had to take prednisone for Ulcerative Colitis bouts. Since I was sick at least once a year, I would never have the opportunity to lose the weight. When I did, it was increasingly difficult to lose it.

I tried Phen-Fen and Weight Watchers together and couldn’t lose. I tried other diet drugs, exercise, etc. Then a back problem caused me to stop exercising and the gaining escalated. I was 5’2" and 215 lbs. It was a slow progression and I don’t know if there was an “Aha” moment, since I was always aware of my size, but it was more out of frustration and desparation that I finally said “Enough!”

I had gastric bypass because nothing else was working. My Ulcerative Colitis is under control without medication, and the Gastric Reflux and back pain are gone. I was even able to finally get pregnant!

My problem now is losing the last 15 pounds of the 25 I gained while pregnant. My daughter is a year old now. I really need to make some dietary changes because clearly, my metabolism isn’t what it was before she was born–and it wasn’t very good as it was.

Isn’t that funny? It will be 4 years for me in July and I still have trouble with white-meat chicken. It can get stuck in my stoma for hours and hurts like hell, which really sucks because that’s one of the lowest fat meats there is. I end up eating more chicken thighs and legs, but it’s more fattening.

51

Thank you for saying exactly what needed to be said right about now.

52

Sadly, the word gross is one that has crossed over from the other side of the street: its original meaning *was * “fat,” (well, thick, more accurately) and it’s come to mean “disgusting.” In English, at least: calling a Frenchwoman grosse or a Spanish man grueso would be a reference to their girths, not their disgustingness.

53

Am I being too sensitive or is this statement distinguishing between gastric bypass patients and people who are able to lose weight non-surgically?

Mine was a lifestyle change as well. Just so you know.

54

I don’t know if it was meant that way, but being a WLS patient myself, I can understand why you see it that way. I offered kudos to those who made “traditional” lifestyle changes and were successful, but I also offer kudos to WLS people. I know how that goes :smiley:

This thread was quite timely for me, and I was glad to see it. I think it is inspiring to see some of the answers.