When do guys get a clue about women?

In My Humble Opinion
1

This past weekend, Hallgirl1, Hallboy and I went to a local place to pick up a sandwich. Our server was friendly and the service was better than usual. As we were leaving, our server was at the cash register and suddenly the reason for the great service became apparent.

“Do you go to (local) high school?” the server, a young woman about 17 asked Hallboy (who will be 15 in May).

“Yes,” Hallboy responded.

“Do you have sixth period study hall?” she asked him.

“Yes,” he responded. Then there is a huge area of dead air as Hallgirl1 and I (and the server) are waiting for him to follow up on what was obviously a lead in for him. Did that happen? No, he had no idea.

When we got out in the car, Hallgirl1 asked him why he hadn’t followed up with her–Hallgirl1 pointed out that not only had the girl recognized him, but she knew which freaking study hall period he had (and no, the girl didn’t have the same one–that much Hallboy knew). Obviously, the girl was opening up the situation for conversation, and Hallboy not only dropped the ball, he wasn’t even aware that there was a potential situation for a game! (And, yes, according to Hallboy, the girl was “not bad looking”.)

This isn’t the first situation in which he’s been completely clueless–apparently he is pretty favorable with girls. During Halloween, he was dragged off by three girls to go trick-or-treating (they still trick-or-treat throughout high school in our area), but two more groups of girls came by shortly thereafter to see if he wanted to go out with them (and were sorely disappointed to find he’s already gone out), and Kate (whose dog he dogsits every time they go out of town) has a horrible crush on on (and has for at least the past year)–but he’s clueless!

So tell me, at what point should he get a clue? Is there anything I can do to help him become more “aware” and how to handle the attention of the (what is fast becoming) the women he’s surrounded by? I want him to treat women with respect, and not hurt anyone (like Kate, who is so nice, but so obviously taken by him). Dealing with his two older sisters, I think, has just made him have the idea that girls are ‘just there’–which may or may not be a good thing for him.

2

All things are revealed when you die and go to heaven.

Till then, you’re on your own.

3

short answer, never.

longer answer, if hes that good with the ladies at 15 (I mean the girls looking for him) you may have to point out to him that girls are not just a warm wet place to masturbate. yeah sounds crude but young guys who can pick up girls easily often think its all about an easy piece of ass.

I have no knowledge of your son as a person at all, this is just a general experience statement on my part, young guys are always dumb about women, either the part where there is game or the way they play the game they are all morons…who the hell am I kidding its not just restricted to young guys but we do tend to get less dumb as we get older.

4

I’m 45 and I still haven’t a clue.

5

I dunno; if he doesn’t idolize women and worship the ground they walk on or silly things like that, but just sees them as people, I think he’ll get a clue once he gets interested in some girl. His attitude sounds pretty healthy from what you’ve described. I think the only danger (as you’ve touched on) is his leading women on that he isn’t interested in. He might only get cured of that by getting his heart good and broken.

6

I’m 27 and still clueless about these signals.

7

Some people are born with perfect pitch; others, if they want to learn music, need very explicit instruction in the art.

Some people are born naturally flirtatious; others, if they want some action, need very explicit instruction in the art.

Sounds like your son is one of those people (like myself and, I suspect, like a lot of poster on this board) to whom flirting doesn’t come naturally, who hasn’t intuitively picked up on the subtle signals of interest. It might embarrass him, but it wouldn’t hurt him for you to give him some very specific information about this art. I’d give you examples, but frankly, I don’t know it enough to give those examples.

Daniel

8

If you want me to notice you are interested in me you have to rape me.

9

That would look great on a t-shirt.
Daniel

10

I’m 41.

I thought I had a clue once, but it turns out it was just a lucky guess.

11

At 47 I’m less clueless than I was years ago, but only a little.

12

He played it cool as a cucumber, played hard to get, and left her wanting more.
That’s what makes him desireable.
If he immediately showed interest the girls would lose interest.

13

Is this a trick question? Male 45 and I think I’m more clueless now.

14

43, clueless, and I suspect (with all due respect to LHofD) unteachable.

Although, one question I always ponder when this subject comes up, why is it the guys are the ones who are considered clueless? I mean, if a woman is trying to get a guy’s attention, and she keeps doing the same thing and he never gets the message, maybe she should get a clue that it’s not working and change her approach.

15

If I had a nickel for every time…

Like for when a cute hostess seated me at IHOP once, being very warm and friendly and telling me that she will sit me “right next to me” (as in near the register) in a very perky voice. Sounds like a come-on, right? So I asked her out and she nervously and politely shot me down, giving me the “boyfriend” excuse and so on.

So tell your friend that the girl’s behavior meant absolutely fucking nothing, ok?

16

It’s not just guys who can be clueless. I have a friend who is turning 30 in two days, and she still only realizes that guys are flirting with her after one of us points it out. I think in many cases it has more to do with being insecure than gender, honestly: if you don’t think people should find you attractive, you don’t really interpret signals that they do correctly. The lucky ones outgrow it.

17

I’m trying to put myself in his place… I cannot think of a response to those questions. Yes I go to your school, yes I’m in your study hall, my queue would be what exactly? What do you say? I’m 28 and still have NO FUCKING CLUE.

18

Me niether. There’s a cashier at our company cafeteria. I didn’t know she was flirting till after she started winking at me.

19

We get a clue? Please say yes.

Frankly, the Real Flirting signals I get from girls are way too subtle, and the Means Nothing just-being-nice signals are way too obvious. I’ve misinterpreted them so often now I’m afraid to assume anything.

20

Is there a clue? I’ve never seen the slightest evidence for one.