I’m SO glad that my girlfriend is good and direct with things…well…after the initial phase of me not getting clues and making the first move. After that first move, I’m good to go, but it’s hell trying to get through the maze of signals for that move.
Perhaps you’re the one who’s clueless. Did it ever occur to you that the kid might be gay? If so, he was in an extremely awkward situation, and you were pushing him to make it even more awkward.
And please, DO NOT bring up this possibility with him.
Never.
Hey sometimes being clueless helps.
I remember when I was about 15 I went with a friend of mine to his GF’s house.
Well, GF also had another girl there (I guess to keep me company but I didn’t realize that at the time.) I took one look at this girl and immediately knew she was out of my league so I didn’t even bother trying to hook up with this girl. I just sat there and watched TV and ignored her while my friend and his GF went to a back bedroom.
Eventually, the girl that I was supposed to be with got tired of being ignored so she went to the back room, started banging on the door and started bitching to her friend about something in Spanish so I couldn’t understand what the hell they were saying. (They were Hispanic girls)
Finally, MY friend comes out of the bedroom very annoyed. He asks me to step outside and proceeds to bitch at me because I’m not “making any moves” on this girl. I tried to explain to him that girl was out of my ballpark. He then had to beat it in my head that she likes me; he heard it straight from the horses mouth. (he speaks Spanish too)
We stepped back into the house and all was right with the universe.
Fast forward many years later I was telling a female friend of mine about this story. It was her opinion that the whole reason this girl liked me is because I was playing it cool and ignoring her. Girls like that aren’t accustomed to being ignored; which probably turned her on.
I find this hilarious. There I was the whole time being a nervous little twit but there she was the whole time perceiving my nervousness as being the “Bad Boy”
Good times indeed.
I am 35 years old and never figured it out. I was raised mostly by my mother and my (now) ex-wife is gorgeous. I have had many, many female friends that were also gorgeous and who I spent much time alone with including several attractive female roommates in college. I never found it odd at all when any of them wanted to it on the couch next to me, have me give them massages and rub their hair. I enjoy that stuff as well. If it goes on for hours, that is great. Oh well, the movie is over and I will see you in the morning. Sleep well. We will go out to dinner and a bar tomorrow. Repeat.
I am pretty sure that some of them were moderately interested in me but I can never be sure. I had one female friend at work who called me and claimed she had won two Boston Red Sox tickets and wanted me to escort her. Like a gentleman, I did although at this point I should mention that she was very attractive and a married 20-something. Once we got to the game, she told me she was cold and told me to go buy matching sweatshirts and blankets to keep warm which I did and we definitely kept warm during the game. After the game we, had a great night at hopping bars all night long. She told me she wanted to meet me at 5am to go jogging which I did – for 2 years at least for variations of that without her husband knowing and then carpool together.
I think she might have liked me in retrospect but you can never tell about women.
SIGH. Look, it’s not that complicated.
You just have to remember that everything means something, even if you’ve been told that it doesn’t, unless it doesn’t. Even if you’ve been told that it does.
Unless it doesn’t.
Having gotten that out of the way, we just have to remember that what it does or doesn’t mean is or isn’t what we think or don’t think it means or doesn’t mean, based on the context cues we may or may not have been given, based on whether the context was one in which cues could or would be given or not given or possibly given to mean the opposite of what they might have meant in another context.
Given that, the only remaining requirement is that we do the right thing for that moment at that place in that context, which might possibly under other circumstances be completely wrong, or completely right (see romances from the 1940’s where pathological stalking is romantic or romance is pathological stalking, again depending on context, which may or may not reflect attitudes then or now or then thinking about now or now thinking about then) and do it at the right moment.
Duh.
I’m reminded of the time a girl once introduced me to her friends by saying: “This is my friend Tim. I have a huge crush on him but he hasn’t noticed yet.”
I guess she got tired of me not picking up the subtle hints.
I have a friend who in high school seemed constantly clueless about all the women who were nuts about him.
Turns out he was not clueless, just gay.
You’re kidding, right? :dubious: He’s fourteen! He doesn’t even know which team he bats for yet. Poor little guy. Quit hovering. He’ll figure things out one way or the other eventually. These girls you mention will probably give him an assist, but it is *not *for Mom to do.
My 15 yr old son is the same way and I’m glad. He should stay faraway from some of the 15 yr old girls who are after him. Let him get a little older please until he starts all that crap.
I’ve found notes from girls in his pockets. One of them asks if he will go out with the writer. I asked him if he responded or was just rude and didn’t say anything. He said he got the note right before the end of the semester and they switched classes so he never saw her after that.
There is the cutest little shy girl at cross country who tries to start conversations though. I try to give him ideas for more than one word answers.
It doesn’t seem like 15 yr old girls care if the boys have a clue. Maybe somehow they know they are the trainers.
My 23 year-old son had precisely that encounter. He went into a store in downtown Toronto where the clerk asked him, “weren’t you in my second year philosophy class? And my third year xx? And my fourth year XX?” “Um, yes, I guess so” replies my brilliant, yet still clueless son. Those lecture halls are massive, yet she noticed him in each.
I noted for him that she must have found him at least interesting to notice him then and recognize him now - “oh do you think so?” he asked. sigh
Young women pursue him relentlessly - he claims they must have lowered expectations sigh.
Someone is going to have to be blatantly in pursuit for him to see the message and respond sigh.
he is young and clueless, and possibly still disinterested in the whole flirting game. My wife says she seriously didn’t even consider having a romantic interest until later because she was too busy with other things in her life, it happens.
I was aware of girls from about 13 on, but had other hetero friends that really didn’t get into the whole flirting/ dating thing until much further along. I am 32, and I still don’t have a clue as to women are flirting with me, unless my wife points it out later, or I notice her having that look in her eyes like she is going to slap someone for being a little too flirtatious with me.
This.
Pretty much, this.
What I see here is that young women have devised noncommittal, risk-free ways of trying to coax the man of their choice into making the first move. All of those comments could easily be interpreted as simple and benign, without any ulterior motive, so if they don’t work the women haven’t been rejected. All burden of rejection is placed on the man, to guess the difference.
I have a tendency to respond in exactly the way Heckity’s son does. I have very little ego when it comes to women — I don’t think of myself as God’s gift — and I tend to be introverted and self-effacing in public. If a woman seems interested in me, I assume she’s just being nice.
For instance, there was a gorgeous young woman in a play I did a few years ago. She was constantly touching me — my hand, my leg, my shoulder. She was also married, and apparently very much in love with her hubby. Skip forward two plays, and there’s another woman about my age; at the cast party dinner she was also constantly reaching out to touch my hand. How am I supposed to know when the gesture means something?
For the record, what am I supposed to do if a girl says “Hey, weren’t you in my freshman physics class? And my sophomore multivar class? And…” Or if she asks if I was in her astronomy class, despite the fact that I’ve never taken astronomy?
I think you’re supposed to throw her down on the floor right there in front of your parents and little sister like the OP seemed to expect her son to do. 
I think someone else said it, but really, isn’t the girl the one without a clue?
GIRL: Aren’t you in 2nd period study hall?
“CLUELESS” BOY: Yes.
GIRL: (stares off into space)
At that point, that’s when a normal person explains why they asked the question.
The joke goes like this.
Women answer the question that they think the man meant to ask:
Him: What time is it?
Her: You have time to shower and shave before the movie.
And men always answer the question she did ask:
Her: Isn’t this sunset beautiful?
Him: Yeah.
Ok, I’ll ask you then. What was he supposed to say after the initial “my school, you go?”, “yes”… how is the conversation supposed to escalate after that? What do you say?
This is the problem, and I’m not trying to be nasty, but from my perspective, you and the OP (and 98% of most people) are like in this little club that knows what to do, but they don’t tell us dorks what to do beyond “be confident”. Like it’s supposed to be implied what action to take, and I’m the idiot. Am I supposed to ask what music she likes? Should I ask how her family is doing? Should I ask her how her job is doing? Do I tell her a joke? Mind you, we’re still in the situation where she is the clerk, and she noticed me (or your son in your example). I mean, the awkwardness of the situation seems to answer “yes” to her question and leave it be… she’s working and there are probably customers waiting. Please explain the expectation on guys like myself and your son in that position beyond just slapping your forehead in frustration and sighing that your son didn’t do anything. What would you have said if you were in your sons position, since you were there and all… I really want to know.
I’m 41, and I’m not clueless . . .
I know darn well I’m invisible to women, always have been and always will be.