Bullshit. Sex drives come in all different strengths. You don’t have to want it all the time to be healthy, nor is it unhealthy to want it constantly. I know people who are totally celibate even where masturbation is concerned and hey, they seem pretty happy to me. Choosing to forego one of life’s pleasures is someone’s right; it makes a lot of people happy to jump out of airplanes but it doesn’t make it wrong for me not to do it.
I would find it weird if someone was thirty or older, but it wouldn’t necessarily kill the relationship, unless they did it for religious reasons.
You say only religious reasons would keep you away, but many other posters, in this thread and the one that inspired it, have made it quite clear that if no one has had the desire to have sex with me before I reach age x, then they too will allow me to linger in virginville.
So apparently, my not having met any girls who want to be with me means that I’m therefore unworthy of being with? Quite a little catch 22 there. I wasn’t aware that finding someone was so easy. I apparently missed the memo they sent out about that magical place where everyone goes to and gets paired off into serious relationships.
Some of us just can’t find relationships. Maybe we don’t have the qualities that force so many other guys to shake off women with a stick. But for those of you who would refuse to be with me, or any guy (or girl for that matter), simply because no one ELSE found us desirable, then that’s amazingly shallow and immature. And yet I was considered immature for, not even a year ago, complaining that I wanted to lose my virginity to another virgin. I’ve luckily come to terms with that.
Not all the women said that, many said they wouldn’t mind it. Besides even though people can be damn superficial and intolerant of diversity when it comes to dating (I sadly admit to being this way too), after you actually let someone see you as a human being for a little while by talking to them they are going to be alot more tolerant than they would be otherwise with a stranger. Point being, coming across as a human being for a few minutes can do wonders for how tolerant someone will be to you.
Hey, but I don’t think it’s shallow and immature to feel that way either. If you can make decisions for yourself regarding your sex life, and you expect us rightfully not to consider it immature, then *everybody * has that right. And if some people make the choice not to sleep with someone after age ___, isn’t that their choice also? And why are they being called immature for it?
It’s sex. There is never going to be one-size-fits-all.
I’m comparing the fact that on this very board, I have been called immature for my past views on sex, and yet now, I have observed some of those same people express their immaturity and shallowness when it comes to sex.
So, either there is a double standard (virgin wanting another virgin = immature / experienced person not wanting to give a virgin the time of day = acceptable), or it’s just plain ol’ hypocrisy.
EXACTLY! You start despair that you’ll ever find someone, what with everyone making comments about those “freaky VIRGINS”.
And it’s not so much that people have the opinions, like, “I’d want to meet another virgin”, or, “I’d rather be with someone with experience” than the whole, “People who are still virgins after such and such age are just freaky and must have something wrong with them.” You start thinking that no one will want to sleep with you, since you’re a freak, or there’s something wrong with you.
Just because it’s someone’s opinion doesn’t mean others can’t criticize that opinion.
“Decreased sex drive” is one of the symptoms of depression and that is not bullshit. If a person has a regular sleeping pattern of 8 hours per day and that suddenly drops to 5, it is called insomnia and it’s another sign of depression, whether you know people (there are) who barely sleep and go about their business normally. Deviations from a person’s regular behavior and their bodily functions should always be checked. Read: a person with a low sex drive to begin with has established his/her normality as having a low sex drive. Right? Right. That means there wouldn’t be anything abnormal about that person and FilmGeek would still be correct. The irony here is that he (?) was making the distinction you are apparently defending. Sheesh.
Which is a very important part about it. It’s quite one thing to say: “well, an older virgin [or person who leads a mostly celibate life, let’s not forget them…] is unusual, and I’m unlikely to be sexually compatible with someone like that [or it’s not in my character to play teacher at this point in life], so I should not be in their dating pool to begin with”, and quite another is to judge " there must be something wrong with him". The first one is a fine and honest position to take, and I would not dare tell the person they are wrong. HOWEVER, to the comment
then we have the observation:
…that they may be missing out on potential good outcomes just as much as the celibate. The key, of course, is that each of us must be comfortable and at peace with our choices, and recognize that every decision has an opportunity cost. As Cliffy said, the opportunity cost the late-term virgin/celibate assumes is:
And as KarlGrenze points out, the converse opportunity cost those other folks assume is that of passing off on someone who may be ready to step off the ledge if approached just right.
[sub](And I sure ain’t gonna ask "how she doin’ " , as I likely AM “old enough to be…” and so forth :o . Beside my other neuroses :eek: Así es la vida ) [/sub]
I met so many virgins in school-I mean if you threw a ball into the school you would hit one in at least four tries. And, they definitely weren’t what I would qualify as loserish or anything as every last one was above average looking (extremely fit, non-hydra faces) and one was widely considered the hottest girl in school. I suppose some people would consider all embryo lawyers to be losers but I mean, that aside, they didn’t fall into the usual category of scrubby suspects intimated above. Among reasons given (and not in confidence or anything, most talked about it freely) were asexuality (a few said absolutely no interest in it whatsoever so they didn’t want to seek it out), a few I think were closeted homosexuals (okay, that one I guessed, they didn’t tell me), a few were just ODDLY saintly (like setting up foundations for three-legged dogs) and just traipsed through life with a halo of purity like St-Francis of Assissi or something…I almost expected them to talk to birds, and for a whole bunch it was cultural (Asians). I think I knew ONE person who referenced religion.
It is not at all unusual to come across Indian women and even guys who are in their late 20s and virgins so in those cases I don’t blink an eyelash. For one thing, almost everyone and their mother is a doctor so that’s twelve years of your life pissed away right there (on average) and on top of that there is tremendous pressure to keep your virginity (which usually is interpreted to mean “anything but” in typical sidestepping fashion) if you want to marry within the community (I’m talking females here). Quite often it’s self-reinforcing…I had a friend who, I don’t even know if she slept with people in college but she would definitely mess around, and people wrote to her fiance about it before they got married to say she was a slut and a whore and stuff (whack, I know). Of course there are exceptions to the rule and everything but it’s definitely not out of the norm.
But the person FilmGeek quoted said their drive was naturally low, not that it was higher but had dropped. Hence, why I called bullshit.
Because it is immature. It’s like if a highschool girl was telling her friends that she liked this kid Bobby and thought he was cute and they were all “no!! he’s gross!! OMG!!1!” and the girl thinks “well, none of my friends like him, so if I like him then I’m a freak! Better fit in.” And so Bobby, who might be a really nice, cute guy, doesn’t get asked out. And so he doesn’t get laid. He might be a great catch, but you’d never know it, because of the sheep mentality. Just because the consensus seems to be that someone is unscrewable doesn’t make them so. If you’re attracted to someone when you thought they were “normal,” you should be just as attracted to them after they drop the V-bomb. Does being a virgin make someone less attractive? Less interesting? Less likable?
Also, if I’m getting to the point in a relationship where we’re talking about the first time we did it, chances are that I like and trust this person a lot, so I’m not going to be turned off by something little and stupid like this. Does everyone else immediately tell their partners how old they were when they first had sex? I would think that would be something you’d do right before having sex with the new person, as a sort of icebreaker. At least that is how it has happened in the past with me. Actually, I think that if someone started talking about their sexual exploits before the time had come to actually have sex, that would be a turnoff, whether they were an out-and-proud virgin or an out-and-proud person who’s had thirteen partners and started doing it in seventh grade. Sex isn’t a competition, and I don’t care for people who treat it as one.
You wanna know what’s great about sex? It’s one of those things you totally control and can be totally selfish about. You don’t wanna do it? Rockin’. You wanna do it twenty-five times a day with gaggles of sailors? Whatever gets your rocks off. You only wanna do it with your spouse? No problem with that. You want your first to be a virgin? Whatever makes you happy.
And, in that vain: if I want to be selfish about what I want (I.E. have someone with experience, etc), I get to do that too. It really is strange that people are jumping in and calling us immature for our opinions – our personal preferences . The OP asked when we thought it became “weird”. We each spoke from our own view points and our own experiences.
No seriously, I don’t care if you are a virgin or you are banged more than a Salvation Army Drum. In the end, we all make our choices and we get to pick what we want and like. I spoke my opinion, as did the others (on both sides). There is no reason to be offended.
Exactly. eleanorigby said all these women’s mags were telling her that low sex drives were a sign of depression. FilmGeek corrected the magazines in that aspect. By that token, you should have called bullshit on the magazines and not on FilmGeek.
This fits one of my friends from highschool almost perfectly. She’s still a virgin though she’s over thirty because she’s been asked on a date once in her life. She’s always been quite overweight (which* is* a factor for many), a little shy at first, and lives in my area, which I can tell you is horrible for dating, and gets worse as you get older. Clubs are for younger people, the bars are nasty, no bookstore, cafes etc, everyone at her workplace is married and they only know married people. There’s nothing wrong with K psychologically, and if she lived somewhere else with a better dating scene I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t still be a virgin. For her it basically comes down to opportunity because she’s ready, willing, and able.
That’s not what offended people. People are offended that they’re being called weird, freaky, psychologically unsound, etc because they’re still virgins past a certain age.
Yeah, that’s not offensive. Uh huh. To me, calling people weird and saying “there must be something wrong with them” if they’re still virgins is no different than the old standard of calling anyone who had sex outside of marriage perverted whores.
It’s like The Hook said: you can’t get a date/job because you don’t have experience, but how are you supposed to GET experience if no one will give you a chance?
INTP is one of the Myers-Briggs types, very loosely based on the ideas of Carl Jung; I can’t find it offhand, but it’s not all that difficult to find the whole big test online; google Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or MTBI if you want to play around with it. (This also seems to be associated with a Keirsey, but I’m not sure what the connection is.)
As with all personality tests, YMMV, and I wouldn’t take it seriously, but it’s fun for a boring afternoon or two.
INTP stands for Introverted INtuitive Thinking Perceiving. (In other words, your average INTP is probably not going to be out living it up every single night. )
I’m an INFJ myself (Introverted INtuitive Feeling Judging).
, as I likely AM “old enough to be…” and so forth :o . Beside my other neuroses :eek: Así es la vida 
) [/sub]
