I’ll be the first to admit that i’m not very good with the ladies. I joined a date service and every once in a while i get contact info sent to me. It tells me a little bit about the girl and things she likes. But what sorts of things should i ask after those few things are covered?
Mainly, the “awkward silences” are what i hate. I’m certainly not boring to talk to, but i just don’t know what to talk about with someone i am completely unfamiliar with. Running my mouth is something i am good at, but i don’t let myself do it on the phone with the contacts.
When I talk to a guy for the first time, the general stuff comes up. Hobbies. What they do in their spare time. What do they do for work. If they like it. Pets.
And depending on their answers, I might come up with new questions or expend on the conversation.
Though I completely understand the awkwardness of the silence.
The big thing to remember is to make the call while you are relaxed and at ease. Be sure and have a few minutes to spare, incase a conversation results. Of course you should ask her if this is a good time to call.
Other than that you should not concentrate on telling her all about yourself, but in finding out about her. SHow your genuine interest, and ask questions about her. You don’t need to tell her your life story, she will pick up on what kind of person you are from the questions you ask, and she will, if interested ask questions about what she wants to know,
Keep it light and easy, this is a personal call, not a job interview…
Let her know that these kind of calls make you nervous, as if she is anywhere near normal, she will be a bit nervous too,
If you get a “pause” in the conversation, ask her a question based upon her ad. “So you like Terry Pratchet… who is your favorite discworld character?”… Don’t be afraid of pauises… they are a natural part of conversation.
I guess the big thing is to just be yourself, and demonstrate your interest, and why you are interested in her.
Ask questions and let her blab. She will blab. Once she’s tired herself out and realized she’s been blabbing you can decide where you want the relationship to go, because she’s just told you everything. Share a bit about yourself, or just hang up 'cause it’s over.
Remember, you are only responsible for your half the conversation; she’s responsible for the other half. Don’t worry about trying to impress her, just try to talk to someone and see if you have much in common. Try not to get too nervous (that’s easier to say, than to do, I know).
Get to the point asap. How are you, how’s your day going, would you like to get together? Ok, when/where? Then, if a conversation happens, it happens. If not, just say you look forward to seeing her at [time/place] and get off the phone. Don’t make it sound like you’re rushing her, but you’ll come off a lot better sounding like a go-getter than a foot-dragger.
Just relax, and don’t out any pressure on yourself to make each person into Ms. Right. In my experience, when you find the right person you won’t be worried about pauses in the conversation or the finding the “right thing to say”, it’ll all just work out. Anyway, the person you want to be with is the one that you’re not bending over backwards to impress. That person is out there, so keep faith that you’ll find her, even if it takes a while. Good luck!
As stated earlier, women (and people in general) find nothing so interesting as to talk about than themselves. Ask open-ended questions, like “So what did you like about accounting that made you choose it for a career?” instead of “So you enjoy Baltimore?” which only requires a yes or no. Listen to the reply and see what common ground you have, then build from there.
My niece was all worried about her first job interview, and I reminded her: “Don’t forget that although they have to be satisfied with you, you have to be satisfied with them.” Cisco was saying to cut to the chase—I’d take the attitude that you want to find out if she’s worth meeting. If you’ve got some deal breakers, I’d fish around a bit. E.g. if you’re a serious churchgoer, slip something into the conversation about an event that happened at church and see if you get a reaction. If you’re not, drop something in there that raises the issue and see how she reacts.
Are you a mover and shaker? A homebody or a party animal? I’d put some feelers out there for issues that are important to you.
I’ll echo the “don’t make it sound like a job interview” opinion. Have a few questions handy in the back of your mind for the awkward silences(“Hey have you seen {last movie you saw}? No, well what kinds of movies do you like?”) Or ask what she thinks about {whatever local front page news/drama}.
If you’re nervous or if she just seems unresponsive, keep it short and sweet. If not, then just let the conversation flow naturally. Listening and asking questions relevant to her responses counts for so much. I have had conversations with men where I could swear they were just waiting for me to shut up so they could ask me whatever was next on their mental checklist. Yuck.
No no no. Menstruation. Every woman has a story about being caught by an unexpected period while wearing white pants and they love to talk about it with strangers.
