When beer is spilt. The thought alone makes me tear up. 
You’ve got to be kidding about this one. I always thought that Shane should have shot that stupid kid instead of the bad guy.
You may shed a tear–one tear, mind–as your trusty vehicle is hauled away to the wrecking yard after it gave its all in service.
You are not allowed to cry if you accidentally lay your motorcycle down when going around a curve, and neither you nor the motorcycle suffers significant damage. In this situation, you are permitted to look embarrassed, however.
You may shed tears of joy after winning the Super Bowl, NBA Championship, World Series, or other any other similar sporting achievement; however, you may only cry such that your tears may be confused with droplets of sweat. If you have stopped sweating or never sweated to begin with), too bad.
When *that bitch *at the party says chiffon makes your ass look chunky.
…except for the Stanley Cup. Hockey players may not cry, with one exception. If you are an enforcer with a heart of gold who has just been traded from his team, you may cry in the press conference announcing your departure. Example: Kelly Chase, who made his living breaking his knuckles on the skulls of other cement heads while a member of the St. Louis Blues, cried when he was traded. That’s OK. He loved his team.
Absolutely. After your johnson fails to perform, crawl into the corner and weep like a little bitch.
Women love that! 
No, no, no!
We do not cry in front of other men, unless we are gay, and even then only in front of the boyfriend. We also don’t cry in front of women, except for the girlfriend or wife. This was decided in the Manly Man Council of 1787.
You may also cry at any chick flick.
BUT! Only if you don’t really mean it AND it is GUARANTEED to get you into your date’s pants.
You must have missed the Manly Man Council of 21 December 2001. It was an emergency session convened so that Return of the King might be added to that list.
On the other hand, you are allowed to cry full out when it was your last second heroics that won said championship and you dedicated the season to the memory of your late spouse, parent, high school coach, trainer or winning to erase X years of futility.
I must confess, I wept silently during the thread about circumcision by nail clippers… At least, it made my eyes water.
No, you’re thinking of the Nerdly Man Council. Easy mistake.
Your wife and your favorite porn star both get killed on the same day. Good porn stars are hard to replace.
Always remember, you aren’t “crying because you’re upset”, “your eyes water when you’re so mad you’re ready to kill”.
Two words: Jurassic Bark.
Or the Time-Traveling Man Council, who made decisions on a film two years before it came out.
When you find out that Chuck Norrisis after you.
When you sit on your balls.
But not the end-end, no? I mean, you’re allowed to cry after they win but there’s no need to wait through all the epilogues, is it?