When is it OK to break a date?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I was seeing this guy for about two months. We could only see each other on weekends, basically because he gets too stressed about his weekday responsibilities to do anything other than work on those days. Sometimes we wouldn’t see each other for two weeks, but as things progressed we both agreed that that seemed insufficient.

As the weekend approached, he said that he was busy Friday and that he’d like to see me Saturday. A day or two later, he informs me that he had forgotten that he had plans to go out to dinner with a friend on Saturday. I think he is lying and that the plans with the other person came up later. Even if he is telling the truth, I am pissed off because he chose his other friends over me. Since the most he can see me is one time a week (because he prioritizes every work-related activity and errand over me), then I feel he should reserve part of his weekend for me. To make matters worse, he was going out to dinner with this other woman, and going out to a nice dinner is one thing I like to splurge on, but he’s cheap and the only thing we’ve eaten together is pizza.

I told him I was pissed off and why. For some reason I agreed to hang out with him this past Saturday, but on Friday I was invited to a party. I told him that I had a better offer for Saturday, so would it be OK if I cancelled? I didn’t really mean to cancel and was admittedly being bitchy in order to show him what it’s like to be on the other end. But to my surprise, he said no problem. Then later he said it was rude of me to refrain from lying about why I was canceling, though he had no problem with the last-minute cancellation itself. (The examples he offered of appropriate lies resembled the excuse he had given me and confirmed in my mind that he had been lying.)

I should say that I was losing interest in this guy before, and this incident was just the last straw. Now he tells me that we should be friends and apparently means it. I told him that I didn’t see any reason to be friends, since we obviously don’t get along and are unlikely to see much of each other.

There’s no question about us ending the romantic part of the relationship, but am I way off base being mad at him?

2

Hell no! http://www.heartless-bitches.com/

3

Oh dear. I am definitely am a candidate for the HBI Club. Thanks Violet!

4

It’s OK to break a date anytime before the date is to occur.

If this was someone you were still interested in, I would understand your being mad. And you would be well within your rights, seeing as how SO’s have more of a claim on your time than other friends.

But you said that you were already losing interest and that you have already written him off. And that you are still mad at him. These statements seem slightly at odds with each other.

5

Personally, I consider it a sure sign of disinterest if a person won’t make time to see me. Going out (or staying in) should not be a chore relegated to the weekend. This is one of my pet peeves.

That said, breaking a date is OK only if the reason is sufficient. If there is very little time, it better be a DAMN good reason, the longer the lead time, the less good the reason needs to be. If the reason is good enough, and he calls as soon as he knows the date is off, then you can’t really complain.