Another computer type. Same sort of omni-tech-support requests from family.
As a Corporate Travel Guru, folks are more than glad to enlist my help when planning their vacations… especially now that they’ve discovered that the web-deal they had their eye on is expired or the leisure travel professional they’ve consulted does not work for free.
I’m expected to know what properties offer which amenities and which cruise line/sailing has the most bang for the buck. Additionally, I’m to know what current airfares are for any given market. All this right off the top of my head.
When asked the question "How much will it cost me to…?; I often respond with another a question of my own…
“How much to you THINK it should cost?”
Then I tell them to double that amount.
More often than not, that final figure is darn close!
Full-time touring bluegrass musician, part-time concert promoter and (very seldom these days) guitar and theory teacher (advanced students only)
The common questions I get:
from amateur/semi-pro musicians:
can I open for you?
can you get me into X club or city?
can we open for X at your concert or festival?
No, no and no. Unless I know you and your work, or you have been recommended to me by someone I know and respect in the business, I will probably have less sucess with the show if I have someone of unknown quality on the bill. If your act is able to help promote the event, I will most likely have heard of you.
from random people I meet:
can you introduce me to so and so?
no, I can’t. How do I know you’re not a lunatic stalker type? Why should I risk my goodwill and reputation just because you want to meet Gillian Welch (or whomever)?
from guitarists:
can you show me how to do or play x technique or song?
Probably not. I don’t really teach anymore. I’ll happily talk shop or gear (if you’re cool and not pushy about it) but generally the only advice I have for beginning guitarists is to learn lots of songs and fiddle tunes, keep your wrist loose and practice technique every day, even for a while. All of which seem to be more of a general good idea than study per se.
And I don’t really care if so and so was really cool and sat down and gave them a free hour long lesson on crosspicking. I’m a busy guy, and I can barely keep up with my obligations anyway. My time is better spent on practicing my own stuff and working in the studio.
I’m a programmer for a company that prints national magazines, so not only do I get the standard “can you fix my computer” and “can you build me a web site…for free”, but also “can you get me a free subscription?”
No I can’t. I can occassionaly grab a copy of People or Sports Illustrated for you, but not before it’s on the stands.
And for the millionth time - no, I can’t get you the new Playboy. We don’t print that.
Another theatre tech guy here, and chances are I can’t get you free tickets to the show. If everybody got in free, I’d be unemployed. I have worked with some fairly famous people, but I don’t talk about them, and I would never ask for an autograph even for myself, never mind some person I barely know. It’s just not done.
I actually get a lot of calls from small theatre companies who want to borrow equipment from the theatre. Sadly, I have to turn them down even if we aren’t using whatever they need. I feel bad doing it, but I’ve been advised that I can’t loan stuff out due to liability concerns for my theatre.
Yet another Theatre Tech. I specialize in theatrical rigging and when I try to explain to people who don’t know theatre terms; it generally goes something like this:
“When you go to a show and if you see a set piece move (especially up or down), chances are good that a rigger is doing it. Basically my job is to figure out how to put really heavy things above the actors heads and move it, without killing anyone”
“Oh… Do you think you could get me tickets for Saturday?”
They generally don’t ask again.
One holiday I had one of my reference books out and my Dad started to flip through it and was really surprised when there were chapters on equations and the physics that are needed. He thought I just made the pretty things move.
Yes, I do work for a bank. No, I can’t get any extra money for you. If there was any extra money, I’d be keeping it for myself.
I work with computers… No, I don’t know why your AOL is crashing… I work with mainframes. Please don’t click on that purple monkey. No, I don’t have the “patch” to show the sex bits in that game. Should you get a computer with Intel or AMD? I dunno. I work with Unix servers that cost as much as a small house in the Bay Area and really don’t pay attention to home PCs.
No, I can’t get you a free checking account.
Zoning administrator here. Because the events in this township have been in the local news for some time, people ask what’s news in the township. Otherwise, I really don’t get people asking for advice. Usually when they ask what my job entails, I say, “I hassle people about sheds,” and that pretty much ends it.
Wow.
I had no idea that chess teachers could make that sort of money. More power to ya!
Like calling them “Arthur ‘Two-Sheds’ Jackson”?
I wish! It’s more like “Bob 'Shed-Too-Close-To-The-Lot-Line Smitherson.”
I’m a Public Defender - I either get:
-
People calling me or asking me for free legal advice on 1,000 different topics. (I even got a Judge’s daughter (I had never met) calling me with questions she was afraid to ask her father.
-
Questions about the latest legal tv show/movie/novel and their accuracy.
or, the ever popular:
- How can you represent such scum? How can you sleep at night?
#1 is poor etiquette.
#2 i can understand, as a devoted fan of Law and Order, NYPD Blue, etc. Although it probably gets annoying after a while.
As for #3, are you an American? Because it constantly amazes me the number of Americans who trumpet their justice system as a beacon for the rest of the world, and yet have such hostility towards the very people who play such an important role in that system. These fools often go on about how great American justice is, how fair, how impartial, how much better than every other country. Yet they also believe that anyone who defends a criminal defendant is somehow immoral or working against the interests of justice.
The world is just full of too many morons.
I love being a data warehouse consultant. It was hard enough explaining what being an Oracle DBA was but when people started to become familiar with the Oracle name I took a job with Teradata just to confuse them, lol.
I’m a paramedic. When people find that out, they tend to ask what the worst call I’ve ever been on was. :rolleyes: Except with close friends, I usually make something up, either gross-out nasty or horribly anti-climactic.
Also, we tend to get more people telling us how to do our jobs than anything else (bystanders, etc.)
I have two jobs.
I work at a chocolate store, so of course: “Oooh, can you get me free chocolate/fudge/candy?”
And secondly I test video games, so: “Oooh, can you get me free/discounted games?”
Hehe. Nope, I can’t. I can only get those for myself.
ATM I am an inventory analyst…most people don’t understand inventory forecasting beyond buy 2 and get 2 more when you open the second one. Start talking about safety stock calculations and planning time fences and the only one left awake in the room is the accountant staring longingly and adoringly at you.
I have been doing PC work on the side for years and as of Sept 1 I am going full time, own business, big fat color ad in the yellow pages, big obnoxiously painted truck, mobile PC repair biz. I already have people asking if they should buy a Dell or a Gateway. I always reccomend one of the local non-chain shops.
The next question is of course, “Do they sell Dells there?”
At the moment I am avoiding doing any kind of new system builds. If someone really wants one I will come up with some obnoxious upcharge like parts + labor + $300 and pray the whole thing doesn’t come unraveled 6 months later or hope they don’t need more warranty work than the $300 would cover. If I sit down and run the numbers I’m sure I could come up with a reasonable number but right now $300 sounds fair considering I don’t want to sell new machines. A warranty account gaining interest might make a nice way to cushion slow weeks tho…hmmmmm.
Bystander: Thats not how they do it on TV…
Drachillix: Nope.
Bystander: So you’re doing it wrong?
Drachillix: Nope
Bystander: So they do it wrong on TV?
Drachillix: Yup
Bystander: But their patients always live. So they must do it right
Drachillix: :rolleyes:
My least favorites (although I applaud the desire to learn more and understand more about their loved ones condition)
Whats that, why do you do that, what does that mean, it that bad, how bad, is he gonna get better? All this during a resuscitation attempt.
Amen to that. Eons ago, I took an oil painting class offered by the rec department in our county. I never had a chance to learn - whenever my teacher would look at what I was painting, she’d take the brush and “show” me how to do it “better” and my painting ended up being her painting. I never took painting again. In fact, until I took the ceramics class earlier this year, I shied away from anything art-related.
Lucky for me, my ceramics teacher thinks everyone can do anything they try. She was very encouraging, and even though my stuff is really rough (except for the last dish) I’m going to go back for her next class. What a difference a good teacher makes.
My dad had a job that no one could take advantage of. He was the export manager for a foreign freight forwarder. His office took care of the paperwork and coordination required to get stuff from the US to other places. Not the kind of field one needs every day, if ever.
I am a psychologist. I get the occasional “let me tell you about my crazy relative” story, but other than that, not too much really. No one has asked me for free therapy yet.