No problem. That’s been the most interesting post in this thread.
Another computer/network guys checking in. Like everyone else I get lots of requests from people for help with PCs and networking. I never mind a quick answer but when people ask very technical questions it can be hard to summarize in 30 seconds and even harder to make it understandable by a non-computer person.
My favorite is when someone asks me to build a complete system for them from scratch. It can take an entire day barring any problems…for close personal friends and family, sure…for the guy I talk to once a month at work, no way.
I wonder if I know you - I don’t work in intel, but I know a number of engineers who do. If you wanna share your double-naught spy number, please do email me. I’m assuming you’re not one of the denizens of TTT/EEE, or you’d know who I am already…
Seriously, I’m not in intel, but I have worked with several agencies in the past…
I am no longer an admin assistant, but I can say for sure that there are two kinds of people in any office:
- people who are positive that they can do an AA’s job better than s/he can, and
- people who know who actually runs the office (ie. the AA)
Some asshole policy analyst tried to tell me a better way to assemble binders. Some stupid woman who is irrevocably computer-illiterate (hence the reason I was doing her computer bidding) would stand over my shoulder and stop me to ask if I’d saved my work, because as far as she knows, the only way to save work in Word is to click the little picture of the disk with the mouse arrow and she hadn’t seen me do that.
My husband of all people tried to tell me how to efficiently stuff envelopes.
I once had a boss try to tell me how to mail envelopes. 
Well, I don’t know if this counts, but I am intelligent and at one time I had an Agent representing me.
What ???
Elbows - thanks for sharing and bringing such a unique perspective. My ex’s mentally impared uncle lived with my ex-MIL until he died. She’s share her frustration with folks who would always refer to him and others as “innocent angles” and the like - it does de-personalize them.
I’m a veterinarian. Usually when people here that they give me a rambling, stream-of-conscience 15 minutes on every pet they’ve ever owned. I also get a fair number of people asking me for free advice. For the record - dogs and cats eat grass because they like the taste.
I thought it was because they enjoyed throwing up. On my carpet. Instead of the easily cleaned tile I have through most of my house.
FTR, I have the barfiest Siamese cat in existence. And don’t get me started on the ass dragging…
I work for an airline. I do get 10 buddy passes per year, as do all of the folks that work for my airline. Interestingly enough, most of my friends are in the same industry. I have had passes go to waste year after year.
However, like most folks in my industry, I’m selective as to who I give my freebies out to, as if they misbehave, I loose my travel bennies.
You think I’d have friends crawling outta the wood work.
:Raises hand:
I’ll be your friend.
math teacher here.
I often get questions from anxious parents, and I don’t mind helping friends out. Also adults going back to school have questions.
But mostly I just get asked to figure the tip when a group of us eat out, hey.
In Japan: “Can you teach me English?” or “Please teach me English.”
Sure, first tell me why you want to learn, what specifically you want to accomplish, and if you know them, your weak points. I’m not just an ALT with no prior training who will be more than happy to take your money for bullshitting with you in English for an hour. You’re going to have homework, I’ll try to identify areas you need to work on, and it will help both of us immensely if you have some idea what kind of English you want to improve. Business-related, for fun, travel, academic, reading. . .
Did I mention that I charge ¥3,000 an hour? That’s cheap compared to an Eikaiwa school that will lock you in to a 6 month contract and do nothing but play games and ask you what kind of movies you like. Still interested?
In most cases they aren’t. I used to teach English privately for low or no cost to people who were studying English “for fun” but it’s not worth my time and effort anymore. My serious students are much more emotionally rewarding and I get paid in something other than dinner and booze.
In the US: “So, are you going to teach when you come back to the US?” Nope. Not qualified as anything other than an ESL teacher (I have a teaching certificate) and I have no interest in teaching anymore at all. Tutoring is okay, but classrooms are soul-sucking enclaves of hell.
If I teach, it will be in a place where I can do it my way. No more shitty textbooks with at least one grammar, spelling mistake, or piece of Japglish on every page that I have to correct and explain. No more mandated curriculum that is so far removed from usefulness that after a year the students have no more understanding of English than they did before, though they can greet you and tell you their birthdays and hobbies like a pro.
This is going to be my last year at this job. I’ll have new gripes by about, oh, October next year.
I got something similar this morning, actually.
My wife and i were thinking about buying a car from a friend, and my wife took it in for an inspection.
Anyway, the mechanic who owns the shop rang back a couple of hours later to tell us not to buy the piece of crap. He was very nice, and told us all the stuff that was wrong with it.
When my wife had taken the car, she had mentioned to the guy that she and i are both grad students in US history. Well, when the guy rang back, the first thing he did was give me a quick “history” pop quiz. He asked me to name the 8 US presidents who had one-syllable surnames. Well, put on the spot like this, i naturally forgot a couple. I managed to get the two Bushes, Ford, Taft, Pierce, and Grant. I got Polk after he gave me a clue, but still forgot about Rutherford B. Hayes. He cheerfully informed me that he wouldn’t take any history classes from me.
Of course, he was an amiable guy, and i had a bit of a laugh about the whole thing. But it does sort of get frustrating at times when people think that knowing “history” requires being able to name the presidents with one-syllable last names. I can actually hold forth at some length about Rutherford Hayes, and particularly about the controversial election that saw him ascend to the presidency over Samuel Tilden. The fact that i forgot his name in a list like this does not worry me in the slightest. Nor, i think, does it reflect on my abilities as a historian.
I’m an actuary. People’s responses usually fall into one of four categories:
(1) from those who know precisely what an actuary does: where do you work and what field are you in?
(2) from those who have a vague inkling of what an actuary does: how long will I live?
(3) from those who think it’s the same as being an actor: what have you been in lately?
(4) from the vast majority: what’s an actuary?
I’m a labrat, who works on an obscure (unless you’re type 1 diabetic) transplant procedure. We have only 15 people enrolled in our study. I’ve been asked to get people on our transplant list. The top of the list, of course.
I’m a neuropsychologist. I used to work in brain injury rehabilitation, which brought up questions like “I know what psychology is, but what is ‘neuro’?” or “I don’t know how you do that”
I now teach psychology at a University and do research on brain injury and concussion, which causes people to ask: “what do you DO in the summer?” or from my male friends every spring “how do you work with all those young girls running around”
Currently, as long as I just say I’m in cancer research, I get an “Oh cool” reaction, but I’ve had a few people get mildly freaked out if I let the word biotech slip. When I was a grad student in immunology, once I got past “What’s immunology?” I seemed to get more than my fair share of people wanting to know if whatever newest quack supplement promising to “Boost your immune system” or some such thing really worked. Why yes, I do seem to attract the flakes.
Light strand, cool location.
I’m a Web designer - we built Web sites and Web based software.
Reaction 1:
“How much does a web page cost?”
That’s like asking how much a house costs. More details?
“Well like three pages”
I dunno, I have never made a Web site by the page. We weren’t open in 1994.
Reaction 2:
“My son/nephew/grandson makes Web pages. You should give me your card.”
Nah, thanks.
Extra Points: I own my own business and I work at home
Reaction 1a:
“ooooh you are so lucky! That must be awesome! I wish I could work at home…”
Yeah it’s ok. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Oh, did I mention I work at home meaning my parents’ house? Because I’m poor? Because I own my own business?
lol!
Did you write the symphony in the shed?
I’m a sawyer for a national company that custom designs, builds, and installs organizational closet/garage/pantry/whatever systems into homes.
Usually the first question people ask me is, “What’s a sawyer?”
I tell them it means I get to play on a very large table saw, among other things, able to handle 8’ x 4’ sheets of wood.
To this they usually shrug and then ask me if I can get them a discount on a closet system, or in some instances, ask if I can help them build a deck or something.
Your guess is as good as mine.