When SingleDad Met GreenEyes

As you may have noticed in So why am I still Single?, Green Eyes has thrown down the gauntlet!

And now, the rest of the story. Much of this story is not mine to tell, so please excuse me if I gloss over some details. Even now, I can only show you the tip of the iceberg.

Green Eyes and I met online six years ago. It was love at first “sight”, and we had a torrid electronic love thang going for a few months. However, we were unable to agree on a time frame for meeting, and eventually I felt it necessary to end the relationship and move on. This was an emotional decision, and we stopped talking.

About six months later, we started talking again. We got to be really good friends. But because of the lack of a time frame and other issues, I decided that a romantic relationship was not a possibility.

Over the years our friendship deepened. There is no doubt in my mind that we are BFF (Best Friends Forever). A couple years ago Green Eyes lobbied hard and convinced me to soften my position and admit the possibility of a romantic relationship.

I did soften up and admit the possibility, but I’ve held firm that I’m not willing to make a commitment without actually meeting someone in real life. Indeed, without a short-term time frame to meet, I’m not willing to consider a romantic relationship anything more than hypothetical.

We’ve had some bitter arguments over this position. Being a passionate person, it’s difficult for me to express sincere romantic feelings towards a person with whom I cannot pursue a physical relationship.

But things have changed. After yet another emotional conflict over my emotional reticence and her logistical unavailability, she modified one of her commitments and set a date for us to meet.

It’s not surprising that I have conflicted feelings about this meeting. On the one hand, I love this woman very much. We’ve been through a lot together, and we know we can unconditionally count on each other for caring and support. I fell in love with her, in a most definitely romantic way, and I never fall out of love with someone.

On the other hand, for almost 6 years now I have tried to adjust my mindset to her indeterminate and possibly permanent unavailability. It is difficult after all these years to readjust my thinking to accept that a romantic relationship might truly become a reality.

We’ve never met in person before. While I’m not entirely shallow, I think that the spark of physical attraction is still necessary for a successful romantic relationship. But I care for her deeply, and that counts for a lot.

My previous romantic relationships have all been “love at first sight” (which perhaps explains my single-ness). I have never before been in a relationship with someone with whom I’ve been friends for any length of time (not that I haven’t been open to the possibility, but for a variety of reasons it’s never arisen). It’s a new and uncertain situation for me and I don’t have any experience at how to behave.

In short, I’m both excited and cautious. We’re finally going to find out what’s really there between us. There are still many possible unpleasant outcomes to this meeting. But I love her a lot, and that ain’t chopped liver. Sigh… Life is neither fair nor easy. So we’ll take the shot, see what happens, and let the chips fall where they may. It’s going to be a nail-biting two months and a very interesting weekend in July.

Wow. Good luck SingleDad… :slight_smile:

-S

SIX YEARS??? It’s taken you six years to set a date to meet??? Was she married or something?

I can somewhat relate.
Snark and I talked online for 6 months.
We decided to meet, so I got some airplane tickets, and flew there for 2 weeks, not knowing one bit if we would even LIKE each other in person; which would make for a lousy 2 weeks in a strange town.
Fortunately, in a few days, we clicked quite well, and the rest is history.
So go for it; ya never do know til you meet in person.:slight_smile:

To quote Wyclef Jean:

“Yo, when you roll into the carnival, anything can happen…”

Good luck, Pops and GreenEyes. It really does happen.

So when are you meeting?

SD:

As one who knows one, lemme tell yah, there ain’t no other way to fly long-term than with a best friend who is your lover.

Imagine this: your best friend knows everything about you (almost), and accepts it all. Doesn’t desert you when body parts start to sag, or when you’ve had a day that takes your spirit for a dunk in the cesspool. Through thick and thin, moods and screw-ups, always seeing you for the beautiful one that you are (even after a fight)… now THAT’s a person to take your clothes off in front of for the rest of your life!

And talk about the passion. Its all about freedom. I’ve gotten a clue already that you are familiar with the concept, and have no doubt that even in your most passionate “love at first sight” relationships, you were uninhibited - but with your BFF, it can be so much more.

Tough to explain, but I know you’re going to experience it soon.

About the physical attraction: it will only be a problem for you, if you think it should be.

I’ve been there, with a burning-down-the-house online relationship, where we fell in love, really by accident, long before we met IRL.

We did not exchange photos, or really describe ourselves much. It wasn’t important. After 2 years, we took the plunge, so to speak. He arrived at Chicago’s O’Hare International, and I saw my man for the first time.

The rest is history.

Was he my “physical type”? Not really. Was I his? Not really. Did it matter?

NOT AT ALL.

Love is beyond our senses. Physical beauty fades. The intimacy of one who knows you better than anyone else, and vice versa, makes for passion that transcends all mundane levels.

Still, its no guarantee that you and GreenEyes will decide to make the lasting committment you both want. There’s so much more involved in IRL relationships, as you well know.

But I’m cheering for you both!

Damn! I LOVE a great love story…

I’m dying to read your posts up to, including, and after the “big meet” …

sigh

So I guess my plan to kidnap you and drive out to California with you in the trunk of my car is right out, then? Just my luck . . .

Anyways, take it slow and easy, and whatever you do, don’t think about pink elephants (hey, it’s about as helpful as my other advice, isn’t it?). Yes, you’re in a bit of a pickle putting the physical side together after six years of intellectual/emotional interfacing, but my guess is, you’ll see that lovely woman you adore so staring out of a pair of green eyes. And unless she’s got more than the usual number of them, my bet is, you won’t have any problem putting the online together with the real life.

SingleDad:

I too met my girlfriend/current living companion online. We didn’t cavort online for six years, but it was probably nine months or so. And then I drove out (to Minnesota; I’m in Denver) to see her for the first time. Luckily, we got along great in person, too. It was surprising that after we had “known” each other for so long, how awkward it was, bu at the same time, once we got to talking, all the old familiarity came back. And we’ve been hanging out for five years together. Just bought a house, in fact.

So, don’t be worried. It may be uncomfortable at first, but probably less and for a shorter time than a normal date. After all, after six years y’all have probably gotten over any unrealistic expectations of each other, right? And you’ve excahnged pictures? Maybe talked on the phone? Should be OK. Keep the faith, brother. Online romance can work in real life. :slight_smile:

Excellent!! I’m nervous for you both, SingleDad and Greeneyes. Wish I could meet my on-line love, but I fear we never will.

Gooc luck!!

SingleDad, you and I have become friends in a short time. I’m so happy for you, and pulling for you all the way. There’s more I could add, but AvaRose. phouka, and Necros said it better than I could have. Keep us updated on your progress. You know where to find me, if you want to talk more, my friend.

{{{{{{{{SingleDad}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{GreenEyes}}}}}}}}

Man, I wish you both the best.

The coolest thing about being friends first is that if it doesn’t fly, you’re still good friends.

My GF and I started out as “movie buddies”. I didn’t expect to be more than friends with her at first, but now it’s moving along smoothly.

We’ll always be friends.

AvaRose: If I have heard a better definition of what love should be, I don’t remember. Excellent post!

I’m absolutely giddy for the both of you! Please keep us posted so we can all bask in your happiness and excitement. :slight_smile:

Wow…I’ve been sitting here for better part of an hour trying to come up with something to say here that could come even close to that great post…
I will say, because there seems to be alot of questions, that not meeting for 6 years was strictly my doing/fault. Between dealing with past mistakes, my daughter, my career and various stage productions I was in, plus, honestly, downright FEAR… 6 years went by. Stupid, stupid, STUPID. I must say though, that there were at least 2 and a half years we didn’t even talk to each other due to hurt feelings, miscommunications or the simple pain of not being able to get together. stupid stupid STUPID…sigh

Yes, we exchanged pictures, we have talked on the phone for 6 years, and we have met up on Netmeeting… so, we do know what each other looks like. No monster suprises there I believe. I guess the question now is that “spark” issue IRL.
So, the gauntlet was tossed, and apparently caught :wink:

I’ve been telling him alot lately that he is not the only one with hopes and fears. Big time fears… I mean… how scary is THIS??! But sometimes your not sure if your reassurance is helping… or scaring the hell out of them… <chuckle>
My question to everyone now is this: How do you meet someone who means the world to you? Meaning… how does one meet someone and try to be “themselves” and make a good first impression whilst being scared senseless?? <especially knowing that if it doesn’t work out you have to “go back to” best friend status after 6 years of feelings. Not that being best friends is a bad thing mind you, but… well, you know what i mean…>
The only thing I know right now, without a shadow of a doubt, is that he is worth the risk.

Wow. Yeah. Ditto. That gave me the chills.

I hate cliches. But, be yourself. Granted, it will be…strange… at first. But, in no time, you’ll realize that this is the same person you’ve been with for so long already. Don’t be afraid of each other. I’m sure you’ll be a little shy, but, give it a shot. Let your fears go. Again, good luck to the both of you.

Wow—this is SO much better than that crappy “Friends” season finale last night!

Eve…

LOL!!! True… stay tuned :wink:

and now another word from our sponsor…Tylenol… Do YOU want a pain reliever that works??

Congratulations guys. All I can do at this point is reiterate the advice that has been given. Just be yourself. And Dem is right, it will be a little weird at first. Trust me, within the first hours of actually being face to face, the awkwardness will disappear. Dem and I had been chatting and talking on the phone a mere month before I went out to meet him. Literally within hours I felt like I had been reunited with an old high school flame or buddy. That feeling has evolved a thousand times over since that first meeting.

Enjoy each other and have fun. Thank you for sharing your story with us, it made my day, and Ava, I’m with everyone else, I knew exactly where you were coming from with that post.

xoxo

GreenEyes, my answer would be: how you do it is far less important than just doing it.

Romance is really simple, at its core: at some point, we’ve all got to put ourselves on the line, if we want anything good to happen. The important thing to remember is: all you’re risking are your illusions.

Will your friendship with SingleDad survive your meeting in July? Sure it will, unless he’s been completely fooling you about who he is for the past six years. (And us too, for the past few months.)

So then, what’s the worst that can happen? That you and he don’t have that magic spark together, that there’s going to be no romance here. But - correct me if I’m wrong - you don’t have a romance now, just the hope of one. And hopes don’t mean anything if you’re not willing, at some point, to give them a shot at becoming reality.
But also remember this: SD cares a great deal about you. If you’re awkward and all, he’s going to cut you no end of slack. There’s nothing you’ll be able to say or do that will be so klutzy or stupid that he won’t give you the benefit of the doubt. (Just a hunch, here.)

Besides, it might well be that he’s the awkward one when you get together. And you know how much slack you’d be ready to cut him if that’s the case.

So go for it. Get out on the dance floor (metaphorically speaking, at least) and see what happens. Wallflowers always go home alone, after all.

RT…
Ok, I can’t figure out the quote thingie on here yet…so…

“The important thing to remember is: all you’re risking are your illusions.”
Trust me, its been more than mere illusions.

“correct me if I’m wrong - you don’t have a romance now, just the hope of one”.
It might not have been a “relationship” for all of the 6 years… but it was most definately was/is a romance. :slight_smile: IMHO.
“Besides, it might well be that he’s the awkward one when you get together.”
Knowing him as well as I do… I get a giggle out of even thinking about that…he will be as cool as a cucumber. A frozen cucumber…no, a frozen cucumber with sunglasses on…
“So go for it. Get out on the dance floor (metaphorically speaking, at least) and see what happens. Wallflowers always go home alone, after all.”
I am going for it! Big time! Jumping in with both feet!

I’ve been called alot of names in my time… wallflower has never been one of them. Believe me here, a wallflower is not what I am…:smiley: Thanks for all your advice though! :slight_smile: