When you married, did you think about who would die first?

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
#1

About 15 years ago a friend of mine and his girlfriend were discussing the possibility of marriage. My friend pointed out to her that members of his family tended to die from health issues at a young age (let’s say 60’s instead of 80’s), whereas her family members tended to live into their ninth or tenth decade - so if they married, he said, it was likely that he would die before her. He said she got real quiet and pensive for a while after that; apparently the thought of her spouse dying well before her had not occurred to her. (FWIW, they have been married about 13 years now.)

How about you? When you got married, did you think/talk about which one of you might die first, and what the interdeath spread might be? Or did your thoughts about marriage not extend quite so far into the future?

#2

No, we didn’t say much about it. My husband is 8.5 years older than me and men tend to have shorter lifespans, so there’s some likelihood I’ll outlive him. We both have long-lived genes, though, so we’ll see.

#3

I always figured the one that made the best sacrifices to Cthulhu would die first. Which probably means my wife will, because I am terrible at finding good presents to give to people, and I guess that includes extradimensional horrors.

#4

All the retirement planning has revolved around the probability that my five-years-junior wife will outlive me, possibly by a substantial number of years. One of the goals of that planning was to ensure a financially secure widowhood for her.

#5

My wife made me promise that she could die first. She doesn’t want to live without me. So sweet. I’m not sure how I can ensure this, but she appreciates the offer.

#6

…um, Alfred Hitchcock might offer some ideas…

#7

No, but given my wife’s health compared to mine, the assumption (still, after 27 years) is she goes first. Unless someone parks a truck on my chest, that is.

#8

We married at age 38, and I’m exactly 1 month older than her.

I don’t think either of us has thought about it.

#9

I forget how it came up, but my ex asserted that he’d die last. I think it was his way of thinking positive.

If I had any reason to talk about it now, I’d be of the opinion that you have to plan for all the options. There are three, if you include dying together, and you’d better have things arranged so that none of the possibilities will leave anyone screwed.

(That includes labelling all of your family photos.)

#10

No, we didn’t. My wife is 2 years older than me – when we married, she was 29, and I was 27. Both of us seem to have pretty good genes for longevity in our families (lots of relatives living into their 80s and 90s), and so, it was never a topic which came up.

Now, 22 years later, I’ve been thinking about it. I was diagnosed with diabetes 8 years ago, but I’ve done a lot to get myself into shape, and I’m probably in better physical condition than I ever have been in my adult life (despite the diabetes, which is in . My wife, OTOH, has always been “Reubenesque”, and she’s very sedentary. I’ve been encouraging her to start exercising, or at least get more active, but it’s been a case of leading a horse to water. I’m now concerned that I will be the one who substantially outlives my spouse.

#11

Depends on who fails their sanity checks more…

#12

Mrs. J. and I list each other in the Death Pool every year. :slight_smile:

#13

He gave up smoking when I told him how much it scared me that I might have to live a really long time without him. He had wanted to give up, and was fed up with it. But that was the last cigarette.

#14

I was in my 30s and she was in her 20s when we married, and people in my family are pretty long-lived, so the question of who would die first was a hell of a long way off back then.

Now that I’m pushing 60 and it may become an issue in just a few decades, I’ve occasionally thought about it. Given that I’m nearly 11 years older, but given how our relatives have aged (mine long and well, hers not so much), my guess is that it’s a tossup as to which of us will outlive the other. I’m probably about as likely to live to my mid-90s as she is to live to her mid-80s.

#15

I’ve always assumed I would die first. I told her she isn’t allowed to get remarried.

#16

Okay, scratch that. I haven’t thought about either of us dying, but it turns out she has. Not when we got married, but since we adopted our son.

The idea of my death scares her a lot because we have a very demanding child, and she wouldn’t relish being a single Mom.

Which is a big part of why she nags me about my weight and other health issues.

#17

We didn’t discuss or think about it. She died first.

#18

I’ve always assumed I would die first and we’re within 7 months of each other. The sad thing is she’s always made the same assumption.

#19

My wife is much healthier than I am, and a year younger, so I’ve always assumed I would die first. She has forbidden it, but I’ll show her.

#20

Yes. My husband is in the military. We talked (and talk) about it A LOT before we ever married. What if one of us dies young or is severely disabled, remarriage, dealings with our future children and in-laws and extended family of the deceased, etc. etc.

So yes. Lots and lots. But I think we are in the minority.