Based on the responses to this thread: Have you ever withheld sex from your lover because you were pissed off?
I thought this would be a more accurate poll and basis for discussion.
When you and your spouse are fighting, or even if you’re angry at them without them knowing, are you in the mood for sex? Do you see sex as a way to help solve arguments and problems, or does a fight need to be finished before you can stand to sleep with your partner again?
I voted no, although there have been a few notable occasions where anger and horniness have coexisted. I get tense when I’m angry, and I prefer not to be tense when I get busy.
(Also, hey, thanks for including non-binary gender in your poll! My partner is genderqueer, and it’s always good to see options available for them.)
Heterosexual female; not just no but HELL no. If I’m fuming at my husband, I don’t even so much want to look at him or talk to him until we’re both calm again, let alone make with the hot monkey sex. While whatever the issue is stands between us, we’re not close, and why would I want to make sweet sweet love to him when we’re at arm’s length?
First argument resolution and a reminder of why I love and cherish him so much, then on with the hot monkey sex.
If you’re really and truly pissed, why would you want to be intimate? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I don’t even want to talk to my husband when I feel like that let alone having him crawl all over me while I roll my eyes to the heavens. But I do go in for make-up sex, as long as I’m over feeling pissed (which is fast, but a necessary step to nookie).
I’ve had angry sex twice that I can recall, and presume everyone has at one point or another. Of course only one of us, me, was actually angry both times, so I don’t know if that counts. And yes, I was just as angry after the sex, because NewsFlash: no, sex doesn’t actually resolve anything.
I don’t understand “angry sex.”
Just doesn’t compute, and I DO get rough sex…
Joe
Missed the edit window. To answer the OP, when I’m angry, no, I don’t want to have sex; but I have.
I always want to have sex. It baffles my wife that I don’t think that there is an inappropriate time to have sex. Have sex with her when I’m angry with her? Why not? It will probably end my anger, so it’s a good thing. Who can continue to be angry with someone you just banged?
Hmm, I don’t think I can answer the poll because it depends on how angry I am.
Situation 1: He forgot to take out the trash. Would I bang him? Sure!
Situation 2: He vacuumed but didn’t wipe the counters. Would I bang him? Sure!
Situation 3: He fumes about me talking with my mother on the phone for 30 minutes rather than watch a movie or play a game together but doesn’t write me a little note saying he’s angry/asking to get off the phone so I don’t know. Would I bang him? Nope.
Situation 4: The house is a mess and he’s playing videogames. If he just finished finals or back to back days of work, would I bang him? Yes. If not, nope.
Uh-huh. Come back after you’ve been married for 20 years.
Bolding mine- what means this?
I’m halfway there already and I have had an unrelenting sex drive for 30 years. Pray tell what is going to change in the next ten years?
I’m not in the mood to have sex when I’m angry at anyone or about anything. If I have sex when I’m angry, it’s not good sex, and it was because I was pressured into it. I no longer have sex when I’m angry. So, I’m angry DURING sex, and I don’t have a good time, I certainly don’t orgasm…tell me again why I’d be interested in having sex when I’m mad in the first place? And if I don’t have a good time and have an orgasm, even if it wasn’t sex when I’m angry, I’m usually at least a little put out that I didn’t have a happy ending.
But. some people, like me, lose their anger when having sex. How can you remain angry when your partner takes you to ecstasy ? All is forgiven and tomorrow is a new day,
That’s just the thing. If I’m angry, I’m not GOING to be brought to “ecstasy”. I’m just gonna be MORE pissed because dude is ignoring my feelings.
Well, I’m sure you’re perfectly free to masturbate like a motherfuck when you get angry, and then you will be over it.
Not only will I not be brought to ecstasy, I will be having a miserable time if I try to have sex when I’m angry. I have to be in a fairly good mood to start with if I’m going to enjoy sex. My mood will worsen, not improve, if I try to have sex when I’m not in the mood. “Not in the mood” can be anything from being angry to being sick to just being not interested. Obviously the OP’s mileage varies, but apparently a lot of people get the same mileage as I do…that is, a lot of people don’t enjoy sex when they’re angry.
Not everyone is capable of obtaining a happy ending every time sex happens. And a lot of things will determine whether someone can achieve ecstasy. With some people, inserting Tab A into Slot B and moving will produce an orgasm every time. This isn’t the case with everyone. Sex is more, much more, than mere mechanics with a lot of people.
I voted no, not in the mood, with the addendum that it takes a lot for me to get truly angry. If I’m mildly irritated that my partner forgot to take the trash out, I’m over it pretty quickly and it wouldn’t keep me from getting into the mood. If a problem has reached a point where it’s actually making me angry, do not pass go, because nothing else happens before we lay it out on the table and start dealing with it. Once I’m angry we’re way past the point where you can just smile and smooth things over. Something is wrong, dismissing it will not make it go away, and attempting to do so shows me that you don’t take either the problem or my feelings seriously (or both).
Who can become ecstatic when they’re pissed off? And all is not forgiven, because the problem is still there, completely unresolved.