Where do I go?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I am a divorced man, age 51. Since my seperation and divorce 12 years ago, I have not dated at all. I got custody of my children, twin girls and a boy, who were 6 years old (girls) and 8 years old (boy). I devoted all of my time to raising my kids first and my job second. Now they are 18 and 20. I would not have had it any other way.

My question is this. Since it has been so long since I have been in the “main stream”, where do I find a woman to date? It should be noted that I do not do bars, nightclubs, and do not frequent “street corners”, etc. I am not necessarily looking to “get laid”, at least not at first. A little companionship would really be nice. I also don’t do “chat rooms”.

I do not consider myself any great prize, which may be part of my problem, but I believe that what it really boils down to is that I am afraid of rejection. Somehow, 2 failed marriages makes me feel this way. It has been so long since I dated, I don’t even know how to ask, even if I met somebody to ask.

Adding to my problem, is that I smoke, have bad teeth, don’t make a lot of money, etc. About the only real thing I could offer is love and companionship. I have a whole lot of love to give, if I met the right woman. I’m not too picky, but I don’t really care for “plump” women and I don’t like boozers.

Am I too hard on myself? As I said about my situation, I would not have had it any other way, since I have been married 2 times. My first marriage produced 2 kids, a girl and a boy. My daughter is 29 and I have not seen her or my son (25) since they were 12 and 7.

So, where do I go to look and how do I change my outlook on ME?

2

Barring the environments where your there to meet someone (bars, singles groups, etc.) I think you’re most likelyy to meet someone through activities that are an expression of your life. Now, that’s a nice foggy statement, isn’t it?

I’ll try again. If you work, you meet people via that medium. And you can belong to groups that bring people together for a common reason (church, AA, civic association, softball team). And, based on associations formed from the first two, you can actively build up a social life. If you can think of five or six folks who might attend, have a barbecue. If any of them has a party in the following months, you will likely get invited. If you don’t, throw another gathering. I’m not really thinking of just forming acquaintance with women; the more guys you know, the wider your social contacts will be.

Just my thoughts. Good luck!

3

This topic will get a much better response in MPSIMS. I’ll move it over there for you.

4

Do you work where there are a lot of women? I ask because a lot of people say a good place to meet people of the opposite sex is through work parties, gatherings, softball games, etc, which I totally agree with, but unfortunately, at my job, it is about 90% male, so that kind of rules out meeting women.

Like you, I don’t really go to bars or clubs. I’ve met all of my female friends at school, or through other friends (who they met at their school). Now, I’m assuming that you don’t attend a school, so that’s out of the question.

The only other method I can think of is community gatherings like church or some kind of club. But, another thing, how did you meet your first two wives? You might want to go down that same path.

5

??? Well, maybe, but considering the previous two outcomes, I’d be looking for a different path as soon as I hooked up!

Welcome, my85car (yeah, I know you’ve been here for a while, but judging by your post count, you haven’t been spotted much before this).

~~Baloo

6

I was not implying to get another divorce. I was saying meet someone in the same way you met them. That does not mean another divorce will happen. Sheesh.

7

But seriously, I just can’t resist a good straight line. Sorry.
[/hijack]

~~Baloo

8

My first wife was my high school “sweetheart”. We had broken up and I was in the Air Farce. I got mono (don’t know how) and I came home on leave. We met and 6 months later we got married. Lasted 7 years. A year later, I had taken a friend to his girlfriends house, and my 2nd wife happened to be there. We were introduced, but I promptly forgot about her. A couple weeks later, a mutual friend told me that she knew somebody that wanted to go out with me. The rest, as they say, is history. That lasted 11 years.

Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself, I don’t know. Maybe, I’m just incredibly horny. Well, after 12 years, who wouldn’t be? Be that as it may, I would still like to meet someone, if for no other reason that just to talk to and get to know. Maybe dinner out and a movie. The rest can just happen, if it is meant to be.

9

Mr. 85car, I am sure I saw you stating in Great Debates how Jesus was your saviour and how your life turned around after your conversion to Christianity. So that logically makes me wonder why you aren’t looking in your church? First off, it is where you will most likely find someone with a similar belief system, which is an important component of any relationship. And second off, since your religion is important to you, meeting someone elsewhere may mean she would have no tolerance for something you feel is an important component of your life.

10

my85car,

I would suggest getting involved in some types of clubs that have activities that intrest you. That way when you will meet someone you will already have something in common.

Go to one of the large book stores, a lot of them have places where you can get a cup of coffee or tea, get a book or magazine, something to drink and just watch the people, someone may come along who shares an intrest in the types of books you like. If so you might be able to strike up a conversation.

Just a couple of ideas.