Where does this relationship go?

In My Humble Opinion
21

That’s a tough break. First, I’d build my own “platoon” of people on my side. Document! Document! Document!

  1. Your boss can testify that you took time off from work to adjust to your new solo parenting role.

  2. Get your friends and family over to see you in action.

  3. Make copies of the social services documentation.

  4. USE THE MILITARY! Any help they offer to spouses should be taken advantage of. Including marriage counseling and/or legal services.

  5. Don’t let the house go. Try to keep it neat at all times and make sure the neighbors see it (if you’re friendly with them).

  6. Keep a journal. The dates of conversations and accusations could be helpful to you in court.

Good luck, my friend.

22

Wow, sorry it has taken so long for me to reply.

To bring everyone up to date… My wife has returned (they came back early) and told me flat out, she wants a divorce. (Let the “I told you so’s” commence) I have tried to ask her to try counceling, she says no due to us always talking about it, but never going. I have yet to tell her I was going to personal counceling to better myself for her return, but what is the point now eh?

She has set a deadline for me to move out (I told her I would move out of our appartment) being my first paycheck since I am now back to work.

Tonight, I saw a reply to a post on here by her (I am not reveling her Dope name, if she wants to post here she can) asking ppl if the are interested in having a good time in Vegas (where we live). She replied she would love to. I called her on it tonight, and she said I have it all wrong, but it shouldn’t matter since I will be moving out in a few days anyway.

Is it me? Should I not be upset over this? The damn tan line from her wedding ring still shows and she is already searching for dates… that hurts a lot.

So apparently divorce is inevitable, but there remains one large problem. I still love her, and want her to be my wife. I don’t see many options for me since she seems to be dead set on this.

As for the kids, we have so far been somewhat cordial in our failing relationship. I said she could have the car, I will move out, and I will have the kids on my days off. Not a problem for me. But now I have to move very close to where we are now because my daughter must get to school, yet I have no car. When I brought up my thoughts on where I would move, she said she would not drive that far to pick her up for school in the mornings.

I have no family here (hers is here though), few friends (most of them are her brothers) and do not want to stay. But I do not want to get in a big battle over the children. My daughter is upset enough now that I told her daddy wouldn’t be living here anymore.

Basically, I am lost, wthout a clue, you name it. Any help would be appreciated…

23

Wow, sorry it has taken so long for me to reply.

To bring everyone up to date… My wife has returned (they came back early) and told me flat out, she wants a divorce. (Let the “I told you so’s” commence) I have tried to ask her to try counceling, she says no due to us always talking about it, but never going. I have yet to tell her I was going to personal counceling to better myself for her return, but what is the point now eh?

She has set a deadline for me to move out (I told her I would move out of our appartment) being my first paycheck since I am now back to work.

Tonight, I saw a reply to a post on here by her (I am not reveling her Dope name, if she wants to post here she can) asking ppl if the are interested in having a good time in Vegas (where we live). She replied she would love to. I called her on it tonight, and she said I have it all wrong, but it shouldn’t matter since I will be moving out in a few days anyway.

Is it me? Should I not be upset over this? The damn tan line from her wedding ring still shows and she is already searching for dates… that hurts a lot.

So apparently divorce is inevitable, but there remains one large problem. I still love her, and want her to be my wife. I don’t see many options for me since she seems to be dead set on this.

As for the kids, we have so far been somewhat cordial in our failing relationship. I said she could have the car, I will move out, and I will have the kids on my days off. Not a problem for me. But now I have to move very close to where we are now because my daughter must get to school, yet I have no car. When I brought up my thoughts on where I would move, she said she would not drive that far to pick her up for school in the mornings.

I have no family here (hers is here though), few friends (most of them are her brothers) and do not want to stay. But I do not want to get in a big battle over the children. My daughter is upset enough now that I told her daddy wouldn’t be living here anymore.

Basically, I am lost, wthout a clue, you name it. Any help would be appreciated…

24

Oops, sorry about the double post.

25

I’m really sorry it all turned out this way for the two of you. :frowning: I don’t have any particularly sage advice, except that it is very important that you are always available to your children. I think it would be a good idea for you to stay in the same city.

There’s no reason that you can’t move out of the neighborhood though. I know you said that you haven’t got a car. That, at least, is fixable. You can get a half-decent beater almost anywhere. My current car is worth a whole $300.00, but it runs alright and gets me around town. I’d never take it on a day trip, but it suffices for the necessary stuff. If you can save a bit each week, you could get an okay car in a short time. Check the want ads. It doesn’t have to look nice, as long as it works. That way, you can drive your kids wherever they need to go.

26

Do you own the home where you are living or just rent it? If you own it, I think that you may want to think twice before you move out. If you are renting, I would think that you would want to get your name off the lease. I am not an attorney though, but I do think that you do need to see one to protect your situation with your children.

For example, maybe the car and some other items should be sold so that both you and your wife can have cars. You will want to be able to take your children places.

Work together to make two good homes for the children.

I’m sorry that it has worked out this way. It is natural to feel hurt and angry and even bitter. But please, please try to be pleasant to each other. Don’t try to control what she says or does. That just prolongs the hurt.

You probably will need to continue that counselling to keep your self-esteem going through this. But you can survive it.

Let the courts decide when you see the children and be there for them every chance you get! Have you considered asking for full custody?

27

I hope you can stay with your kids.

When I got divorced, I gave custody of my kids to my ex with the understanding that she wasn’t going to move.

Well, her new boyfriend turned out not to actually have his own business like he claimed so they had to move the kids to Chicago to be with her family. I was going to try and get custody back but I ran into medical problems which 2 different lawyers say would probably keep me from getting custody.

Now while I see my kids regularly, I don’t get to take them trick-or treating, or go on field trips, or meet their teachers or see my daughter’s band concerts. All the things I loved doing with them.

Stay as close to them as you can.

28

INAL but my wife’s ex tried to get this in the settlement (we had custody). The judge said this was not possible, as no decree could be enforced that was contrary to a person’s civil rights.