Where's my string-winder? An SD accusation...

So I was browsing through MPSIMS when Astrofiancee calls and tells me to meet her for dinner. I get up from my desk, get ready, and leave to meet her… About an hour and a half later, we come back to my room (well-fed and emitting gas from various orifices). Some things ensue which I won’t describe in detail; suffice it to say that it was an average Astroevening…

Eventually, Astrofiancee asks me to give her the remote control, so she can turn to a Korean channel and watch her “favorite soap-opera.” I’m less than thrilled with this, as the dialogue on Korean TV is far too rapid-fire for me to understand more than about 20%. The only thing that would interest me in the soap-opera would be the hot Korean actresses (however, if I’m caught overtly ogling, Astrofiancee slaps me upside the head…). So, from prior experience I have learned that when Astrofiancee is watching her “favorite soap-opera” of the day, distractions are contra-indicated (IE: things such as a tongue in her ear, a finger inserted in her navel, the occasional grope, attempts to remove her clothing, etc. are liable to earn me another slap upside the head! I’m WAY henpecked! :frowning: ).

So what is poor Astroboy to do for an hour while Astrofiancee is absorbed in badly-acted melodrama? Ah!, I think, I’ll change my guitar strings! Been meaning to do that for a few days… and it will keep me occupied for a while! That decided, I set about gathering a few things I’m gonna need. First, of course, the guitar: my Yamaha is by the TV, eliciting a “Nan bol-su opsoyo!” (“I can’t see!”) from Astrofiancee as I cross between her and the TV to get the guitar. Next, paper towels and WD-40 oil (to clean the fretboard; no problem as one is on top of the fridge, and the other is in the cupboard.). I sit down, remove the old strings, pop out the pegs, and proceed to clean the fretboard… so far, so good! I am happy with the way this little project is proceeding…

Old strings removed and discarded and fretboard clean, I now need to procure more working materials: new strings, wire cutters, tuning fork… and last, but NOT! least, my string-winding thingy! [sup]for those of you that don’t play a stringed instrument, a “string-winder” is a little device that looks like… uhm… uh… a little device. You use it to rapidly and easily turn the tuning pegs to wind the new string onto the tuning pegs, thus saving you from HOURS of laboriously turning these things by hand…[/sup]

All of the above are located in a drawer beneath the TV. “Nan bol-su opsoyo!” again, as I cut off Astrofiancee’s line of sight (people on the TV are gibbering in Korean, there is a sea of tears being shed…in general, there is a great wailing and gnashing of teeth, which Astrofiancee is currently engrossed in… ). I open the drawer, extract the wire cutters, the tuning-fork, the new strings (D’Addarios or Martins?.. hmmm…) “Ya! Nan bol-su opsoyo!” (D’Addarios, today!), and the string-winding thi… WTF?

The string-winding thingy is not to be found in the drawer! “YA! Nan bol-su OPSOYO!” WTF? I knew EXACTLY where it was! Right here in the drawer! It was here the last time I saw it (maybe a month or so ago)… “YA!!” I look again, sifting though the contents of said drawer most carefully; lifting the hammer, pushing aside the porno tapes, pulling out the duct-tape and the beeper I no longer use (but still pay for, as the bill is taken directly out of my bank account, and I keep spacing on cutting it off)… :confused:no string-winding thingy!

Hmm… where could it be? “YA! NAN BOL-SU OPSO!!!” Maybe it’s on top of the frige I move away, and Astrofiancee goes back to her soap-opera, with a poorly disguised “Eeesh!” (Korean for… uhm… ‘Eeesh!’) Not on top of the frige… On the desk? No go… I’ll look in the drawer again…YA!! BOL-SU OPSO!!!” (I can feel a slap upside the head coming, so I move out of arms reach and survey my room…)

There’s not a lot of space to lose something in a room that’s about 12 feet by 12 feet; probably the reason that prison guards are so good at finding shivs and illegal stills… I search every place I can think of, and about 10 seconds later, I am stumped! It’s not here!

Looking around the room in bewilderment, I notice that while I was frisking the desk down I bumped my mouse, thus causing my computer (in sleep mode since I went to meet Astrofiancee) to change to awake mode… and there, on the monitor, is the main page for MPSIMS! Odd! I must have forgotten to close my browser and engage my firewall! I think…

Then my eyes narrowed in suspicion; and Astroboy’s Razor occurs to me! (Astroboy’s Razor=“When you have eliminated all possible explanations, the most improbable, illogical, wild, unlikely solution MUST be the truth!”). SOMEONE stole my string-winder!! And, when I went to meet Astrofiancee, the window was closed, and the door was locked! They were in the same state when we returned! The only thing open was my connection to the internet; oddly enough aimed at MPSIMS!
Now, I’m not one to throw around loose, poorly-thought-out accusations, but in this case I will make an exception! WHO STOLE MY STRING-WINDY THINGY???

I don’t wanna involve the authorities (my fault… Shoulda remembered to at least turn on my firewall!) all I ask is for its return! But I still wanna know whodunnit! Was it you Coldfire? A couple of days ago you were talking about stealing Astrofiancee… perhaps this is some sick, transferrance thing… or perhaps YOU Satan! Only the Devil could conceive of such a feindish, petty, yet infuriating way to stymie Astroboy!! Or maybe YOU! OldScratch!! All the things I said to Satan apply, AND, perhaps, a penile-peircing might be enough to make you so testy that you would do this!! Or maybe YOU! evilbeth!! You know I am a teacher at a university, and you know that I know that you are a student… could your spite lead to such an act?? Or perhaps YOU! jti since I didn’t know that you were tlaking about bagpipes in your other thread…

I WILL have the truth of this!!

Bummer, Astroboy. My husband has three or four string winders, and I’d loan you one, but he’s gigging and has them with him.

While you’re looking for your string winder, could you check around for my glasses? I don’t normally get worked up about stuff that’s missing–I know it’s got to be here somewhere, right? Well, my glasses seem to have just vanished. I’ve been looking for them for two days now, and I just can’t find them anywhere. It’s really beginning to disturb me.

[surreptitiously receiving stolen string winder from Persephone, and passing it behind back to Fenris]

Gee, that’s too bad, Astroboy. Can’t you just go out and buy another one?

And hey, what’s the name of the soap? Is it available on video in the States? Sounds fascinating.

glancing at Duck Duck Goose and seeing what’s going on

Hey, isn’t this it, almost under the bed? No, not that…Over here.

another quick glance to make sure that the pass went off smoothly

Aw, nevermind. It was just part of an orange peel. Sorry. I thought for sure that it was it.

::Hands behind my back, but look of pure innocence on my face. Butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth::

Don’t look at ME! I certainly don’t have it.

::frantically passes it to Inor before Astroboy asks what I’ve got behind my back::

I couldn’t imagine where it’s gone. Have you checked under the sofa cushions?


Um…I was busy doing my homework, sir.

Persephone, oddly enough the IS a pair of strange glasses in my drawer! I have no idea where they came from… maybe they’re yours! They have been in that drawer ever since I moved in here…

DDG the soap was called, IIRC, “Sarang-hey” (Korean for “I love you”); but I doubt it available the US…

evilbeth! What’s that behind your back??

What’s everyone snickering about? :mad:

Oh it THAT what that thing was. Man, I swear I put it right back in the drawer. Can you check and see if my badge for work got thrown in there instead?

My dog ate it?

Ahhh! Dispatches from the pile. You see, there’s an ever changing pile of stuff everyone loses. It’s in heaven, of course, and after you die you get back everything you ever lost (except cash, which is used for a prayer offering, and your virginity, which you were so eager to lose in the first place. All of the above courtesy of George Carlin (and a little bit mangled).

Heh Heh Heh…

You can really tell who your friends are around here, eh A-boy?
Notice how they all dance around, having fun at your expense, and pretend to know something they don’t, just to through you off-track.
They call themselves your friends, and yet they toy with you. HAH!

You come to the Straight Dope expecting straight answers, not a runaround. Right? Right.
So, I won’t jerk you around. I’ll cut to the chase.
That’s 'cause I AM your friend, and I know you wouldn’t want to see any harm come to your beloved string-winder, now wouldja? No-o-o-o, 'course not.

You want to know where your little guit-tool disappeared to?
Have a look here—>www.geocities.com/banalboy

See?, I’s lookin’ out for ya. Someone of lesser character coulda come along, noticed your PC all unattended, and helped his/herself to all yer stuff. Then you’d never see it again.

I figger it’s like I provided you a service…and for a small fee*(lets call it insurance),* I can see that your tool is returned to you in the same shape as before you know’d it was gone.

Your real friend, Bboy

Ha! Bboy; I spit upon your pathetic attempt to extort money (besides, I’m friggin’ BROKE! But that’s another issue) or sexual favors from me! MY string winder looked exactly like that, except it was blue!!

Will you have me believe that you stole it and then bleached it?? I think not! That would hardly fit into “returned to you in the same shape as before” now would it?

Astroboy dusts off his hands, having successfully dealt with the imposter…

Come on! Who’s next? I’m ready!!

[sup]PS: I am MORE than open for sexual extortion from the, shall we say, more FEMALE of the Stray Dorkers (IE: the ones with boobies)! Just wanted to point that out…[/sup]:smiley:

It’s always the quiet ones they never suspect …

heh heh heh …

Bleached it? Nah…

Posted a black and white image to save upload time? Mmmcouldbee
Mebbe you should look again.
Guh’wa-a-an…G’wann’n click it again—>www.geocities.com/banalboy

Kinda makes ya sick right in the pit uh’yer stomach dud’n it.

Hmmmm… Bboy, I have clicked your insideous (what the hell does “insideous” mean anyways?) link yet again…

I am now willing to admit, grudgingly, that the string-windy thingy in your picture does bear a small resemblance to my missing, much beloved and much missed, string-windy thingy…

However! My little-used capo is in the drawer under my TV (I know EXACTLT where it is!), and does not have that funny little curly-cue deal at the bottom!! Thus, your creedence has STILL to be established! If you want to discuss terms, I will need to speak to the string-winder via telephone to determine that it IS MY string-windy thingy (and that it has not been harmed in any way); and not some cheap fake!

I will also point out that evilbeth has, so far, refused to disclose exactly WHAT that is she’s holding behind her back!!

Don’t try anything funny: I’m watching you all!!:mad:

I’m sorry, I cannot let you have direct contact with your little windy-thingy, as it might disclose my location, and then the i-police would get all involved.
We don’t need their help. I’m sure we can arrive at a figure that we can both live with.
…and your little tool is just fine. I ain’t no monster.

Heh, the real ones are cheap.

Hey! Let’s leave my penis out of this!

So, Bboy; assuming that the string-winder in question actually IS mine, what do you want? What evil, twisted, perverted desire fuels your urge to do such a thing?

What must I do to rescue my string-winder?

:::Persephone casually walks behind evilbeth, and palms the object in her hands:::


:::casually walks off and passes back to Euty:::


It’s a note.

I knew that.