…there!
heh heh, how’s that for leaping from MMP to MMP? Did I look like Errol Flynn? I think I did, with alla them swashes all buckled and stuff!
um… damn, now i’m all confustubulated, and can’t think what I was saying.
Oh, yeah…
THERE WERE MONKEYS!!!
And not nice cuddly monkeys, but mean, pinch-your-bottom, laugh-at-your-dress-sense and paint-the-dog-blue type mean-monkeys!
But really, what’m I shuo-ing about? (that’s a new, and acceptable contraction form the Dangergene school of linguistics).
Dangergene lessons in language part 1: shuo (mandarin, ‘to speak’)
well, I’m, talking about my jungley adventure! Yay, twas three arduous hours, buried deep in the dark heart of that fair jewel in the South China Sea, Sing-a-pore!. Safari-style Dangergene, and ex-SDMB guest Leopard stepped off the beaten path (we didn’t really, we always stayed on the track, cos the jungle was really kinda thick, but work with me, cos it makes for more excitin’ story makin’) and into the ‘nature trail’ around MacRitchie Reservoir. (although if you look at the signs, it seems the place is actually ‘Ma Critchie Reservoir’. I think she was friends with Ma Kettle).
So, I’m all rigged up in my best danger-making gear, which is black, cos that’s best for ninja-stealth ops, and jungle hiking in harsh tropical sun. Really. And we set out on the path at the ungodly hour of 9:30am (we couldn’t find a parking spot, cos there was some sort of stoopid Dragon boat racing thing on the reservoir! I said to myself, ‘now I know how George felt, let us lay at thee and slay yonder Drag-onne!’, unfortunately I didn’t say it in my head, and I got lots of odd, creeped out looks, especially from the Japanese team, which was ok, cos they were pretty damn cute! The girls on the team were pretty cute too! >woot!<).
Where was I?
Oh, yeah, so, we’re trundling along at a decent pace on the board walk- er… um… ROUGH ANIMAL TRAIL, yeah, that’s the ticket, and we meet with THE MONKEYS!!! No, not THE MONKEES, although that would have been pretty cool, cos I also thought Mickey Dolenz was a cool guy. And the monkeys looked at us, all mean-like. They were grey, and hairy (note: they were HAIRY, not ‘furry’, cos ‘furry’ is cute, ad ‘hairy’ is mean! and for the purposes of this story, our nearest primate relatives on the nature walk were MEAN!) and had these tails that were probably prehensile, and could do things like… poke you in the eye and other mean stuff! anyways, they didn’t do anything, probably cos I looked so tough in my black-ninja-ops hiking gear (did I mention I bought a gunchy backpack with a water skin inside it? It had this cool pipe on the strap of the backpack, so if I needed a drink I could just pop the dust-cover, which wasn’t like the dust cover on a book, cos that would have gotten all nasty and soaked with the water, and take a long, hard suck >snerk< on my water bag >double-snerk<. I put orange cordial in the water, cos when it was just water it tastes like petrol, and that was kinda nasty, not nasty like the monkeys, (and not THE MONKEES, cos they weren’t nasty, they were funny and sometimes cool, but usually stupid), but just nasty). Yeah, so I had this backpack.
Oh, and they were probably also scared of Leopard’s Green Lantern t-shirt and black shorts. Which were also cool and tough-looking, but he didn’t look like a ninja. Well, not much. Ok,maybe he looked like a ninja who was hiking in a Green Lantern t-shirt and black shorts.
Oh, and the monkeys didn’t try anything THAT time, but later on… about 8km later on (I can’t tell you what that is in Miles, cos I’m not Eminem, if i was, I could say something like, ‘yeah man, that was, like, x Mile, yo, word to your mother, homeboy. Groovy, 23 skidoo!’). And the monkeys DROPPED OUT OF THE TREE!!!
I didn’t even scream like a little girl. Not at all. Nosireebob! But I have a theory they were trying to grab my nice red hat and wimped out at the last minute.
Dangergene lessons in animal husbandry,part the one: Monkeys, no matter how mean they might be, are scared of tough guys in black ninja-hiking gear. Really! Go ask your dad, he’ll tell you it’s true. Or look it up on the intern-ette
Um… so… we did the 11.5km hike inside of 3hours. And we weren’t even stiff or sore later, which was good, cos both our wives were asking for Houseworking Husbands when we got back to civilisation.
Oh, and I watched Napoleon Dynamite (funny mid-western USA movie), and The Lady Hermit (not funny 1970’s Shaw Brothers KungFu movie) and Ark (not good Korean CGI movie which John Woo had a messy hand in. Don’t watch it if The Incredibles is also in the same room and watchable).
That was my easter weekend.
Well, part of it.
The End
(p.s. Those mean monkeys are probably reading this now from their jungle-lair (do Monkeys have lairs?) and laughing to themselves, cos they’re just mean! I bet they’re drawing mean pictures of me too, and doing things like exaggerating the size of my tummy, which isn’t really all THAT big. Really!).
(mean monkeys! Blah!).
Dangergene lessons in fashion, part 1: when going on jungly hikes in the tropics (as opposed to going on jungle hikes in, say, Siberia), black is a tough, ninja style colour, and it looks really cool. However, it’s also worth noting that black is HOT, and you will probably have to take your shirt off about halfway through your hike. If you have to do this, make sure you have a hairy chest (or a furry one if you’re not a big tough guy/meany) as this will intimidate the other males in your social group. It will also get you strange looks from golfers (who we learnt don’t like it when you point at them from afar and shout, ‘look at the monkeys’ or even, ‘hey, I’ve got two small white balls over here, mate!’ -oh Dangergene, you incouragible scallywag!). Note: the golfcourse meets the nature tril in several spots, so we havd lots of opportunities to laugh at golfers in easy attire and golf-buggies. They didn’t even look like they’d ever seen Caddyshack which is a funny Bill Murray movie. Yesireebob!
Now, I’ll just go and read the non-Rue MMP. Does it taste the same?
(I think the monkeys have Rue and they’re making him tell them stories).
