Whew it's hot out here! Summer Mini-Rants

The BBQ Pit
761

Jesus Fucking Hell Christ.

I spent a very unpleasant day dealing with the most incredible string of greedy and stupid asshole customers I have ever dealt with. It’s like I had a week of really good calls before this because all the jackasses were holding back, waiting to call me today.

“I’m in my car and I’m having a problem with my product that I don’t have with me”.
Then why don’t you call back when you’re where your product is so we can do something, hmm?

“I don’t care what your warranty says. I expect your company to stand by yor product for as long as I own it. Oh and by the way, I’m being inconvenienced by having to call you now, so you’re going to pay me for my time.”
No and no. We have a warranty. You didn’t buy the extended warranty. Sucks to be you. That’s what it’s for, and it’s unfair to the people who DID buy it if we just give you shit for free. And HELL NO, you stupid greedy fucker, we’re not paying you for your time to call and demand shit from us. (Oh, btw, I looked at your history and you have a long history of not answering calls or giving us bogus callback numbers and then calling back to complain that no one is calling you back and we should compensate you for it. I’m noting that here, because you have now firmly established a pattern of being a scam artist for “compensation”.)

“I’m having problem X with product Y (which isn’t ours). But it happened while I was dealing with your product, so you need to fix it, because it costs more money to call them.”
That would be a NO.

Same kind of thing, but the other company doesn’t have telephone support, so she called us.

“I bought this third party product to work with your product, and it’s not working. So clearly it’s a problem with YOUR hardware and you need to replace it.”
Have you tested it with anything else to know it works in the first place? No? Then no, we’re not replacing shit until you do. Our product works just fine without it, right? Yes? Ok then.

Hi, I’m returning your call.
“Oh thanks! Just a minute!”
(Puts me on hold for 4 minutes, then talks to me for 3 minutes, then starts talking to someone else in the room and ignoring me.)
Excuse me, (customer name)?
(annoyed sigh) “Just a minute!”
(puts me on hold for another 5 minutes until I hung up. Didn’t call back me back.)

Then there was the guy where I had a very complex issue with a complex solution and I finally had to stop and lecture him about telling me what he was doing and following my instructions or I wasn’t willing to continue, because we risked losing HIS important information if he didn’t do what I asked or tell me what he saw on his screen. Ended well, but I hate getting to that point with people. The correct answer to “what do you see in this part of the screen” is NOT “I don’t know” or “nothing”. I know what should be there, and it sure as fuck isn’t “nothing”. Oh, and when I tell you that you need to do two things in short order and make sure this other process doesn’t start in the middle of it - and if it does, stop it IMMEDIATELY, that is not the time for you to suddenly go all befuddled and do things other than what I’m asking you to do while acting confused. I mean, you CAN, but if your stuff gets fucked because of it, you damn betcha I’ll have it well documented that I asked you to do X and you didn’t do it, which caused your loss of data. I have 30 years of experience dealing with end users who push the wrong buttons or do something stupid, lose important shit and then blame the person trying to help them. I’m not going to fall all over myself apologizing when YOU fuck up. I learned that lesson far too long ago.
To be fair, I had some good calls with some good people, but these are the ones that just suck the life out of me.

762

Someone has misplaced the only existing hard copy of a report I wrote recently (including all backup documentation). :mad:

763

I can’t find the bug spray or flea bombs!

help!

764

Why are camera lenses so fragile? Yesterday, through a stupid act that is nobody’s fault but my own, I broke a brand-new, but inexpensive, lens on a very fancy camera that did not belong to me. I feel like a complete idiot, and am very upset at myself.

But all it did was tap the soft ground with barely an impact, and yet a whole piece snapped off. Can’t they make them more robust than that?

The camera itself was unharmed, and the lens is probably repairable (I think they’re designed to break at the replaceable parts), but it still mega-sucks.

765

Have you run across the term “planned obsolescence?” :slight_smile:

766

Okay, kids: I’m old enough to be your mother, but (a) I’m not as stupid as you suspect, and (b) I was once your age, and thus, know what you’re up to.

Around 11 pm, a young couple came to the hotel and asked about room rates. I quoted the rate, which they seemed to think was too expensive, so they mosied on along. And I was glad, because they looked too young for me to rent a room to.

About a half-hour later, they came back (having, apparently, gone to all of the other nearby properties to get quotes, and figuring out that we’re pretty inexpensive.) When they asked for a room, I told them I’d have to have photo IDs from both of them. They asked why, and I told them that I could not rent to minors, and that frankly, they both looked underage to me. The male half of the couple told me he didn’t have his ID with him (Oh yeah? Are you driving that pickup without a license on your person? Sure!) Couldn’t I rent it to them anyway? (No.)

About a half-hour after that, they came back, this time with two other buddies. Buddies were planning on renting the room for them. Nope, I still can’t do that. Why not? Same reason I told you before - if I have the slightest suspicion that you are underaged, I can’t rent you that room without ID proof that you’re legal. So? They get mad and go peeling out of the parking lot like their asses are on fire.

(And seriously? You aren’t smart enough to get your buddies to rent the room while you wait somewhere else, and then have them drop off the key to you? Because I probably would not have noticed that immediately. I’d have figured it out a little later, but probably after you’d had the chance to rub uglies.)

Listen, I understand about being a teenager with raging hormones and all that. BTDT. But I’m not renting a room to an underage couple. Period.

(And, while composing this, another guy came by without his ID. “Can we put it in my name, but with my girlfriend’s ID? 'Cause I’m over 18, but she has her ID.” Great, so what you’re telling me is that you’re driving around without your license, on a mission to commit statutory rape. Awesome.)

767

Next time have a police numbers sticker on the wall near the phone, clearly visible. Say “Oh really? You’re driving without ID?” while putting your finger on the police number with one hand and reaching for the phone with the other hand.

See how fast they peel out of your parking lot.

768

I always read about this type of claim on here and on Not Always Right and Retail Hell Underground.

Seriously? Is there a whole group of people not smart enough to be 419 scammers? After all, the 419 does occasionally pay off. Has anyone ever been compensated for calling a support line?

ETA: Other than maybe some trivial credit on their account.

769

You write like an idiot. Every single fucking sentence you posted in our writer’s group had an error in it. EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE. You clearly have no concept of verb usage, correct tenses, spelling rules, subject-verb agreement or even basic capitalization and punctuation rules.

Why does your tiny little brain think you can somehow get paid to write? No one’s hiring “beginner righters” as you so idiotically phrased it.

You know what? I can’t dance. Literally. I have no sense of rhythm and I still confuse my left and my right. It would never occur to me to think I could actually get paid to dance because I can’t dance.

Why would you imagine writing any different? Writing is a skill. If you don’t have the skills (and you clearly do not) how to you expect to get a job in the field? No editor is going to say well she only wants to do this part-time so I’ll excuse the fact that she can’t do it at all.

Stop asking stupid questions and writing posts that make us cringe. At the very least go retake sixth grade English and go away.

Oh if you think I’m rude and mean then go ahead and hit that submit button. I dare you. I’m Saint Sweetheart compared to the scathing tongue lashing you’ll probably get a few days later.

770

Any other night, there would have been 14 police officers taking a coffee break at the convenience store across the street. Sadly, not last night.

Oh, and while I’m ranting about work:

Dear Co-worker:
I understand that sometimes we oversleep, causing us to be late for work. Really. It happens. (Although anyone will tell you that the night auditor is happy to give you a wakeup call if you’re afraid you won’t wake up.) However, you run late EVERY SINGLE DAY, by anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. And you never call on the way and so “OMG, I’m so sorry, I overslept, I’ll be there in two shakes!” No, you come strolling in at whatever time, don’t even say good morning to your colleague, and begin pissing around with your shift.
I’m really sorry that you don’t like your job. But I don’t care. It’s your job. If you aren’t going to do it, go away. I don’t like you. I hope you find something that makes you happier sometime soon, but I suspect that you’ll remain an immature, inconsiderate, entitled little bitch even when you find another job. I wish something minor and annoying upon you - chronic hangnails, or 326 consecutive bad hair days, or perhaps a flea infestation in your carpet.
Sincerely,
LM

771

Schools need to start giving out trophies for academic achievements. No, I’m not kidding. I’m not saying the pep squad should cheer for the chess team; I’m not saying the captain of the math team should get a tiara. I’m just saying there needs to be tangible evidence that the smart kids are worth something too. If family members can see an actual trophy, perhaps they won’t roll their eyes and look away and stop listening when proud parents start talking about their kids’ academic prowess.

772

Look asshole, just give the clerk your name. It’s on the credit card you just handed her. You’re just being an ass in front of your kid. As if returning a package of hamburger because the LIMIT ONE coupon somehow didn’t magically cover your second package isn’t embarassing enough. Don’t make a scene, just give them the hamburger, give them your name, and you’ll get your stupid $9.54 cents back. It’s that simple. ASS.

Dear old couple: All I want is some milk, and you’re inconveniently blocking all three milk coolers while you stand there and talk. THREE. COOLERS. Wake the fuck up, I’m not looking at you and saying ‘excuse me’ because I’m looking for directions.

And you, dumbass. Thanks for parking your cart right in a choke point caused by several pallets of merchandise the store people are putting out, then blatantly ignoring me to look at something you didn’t buy. Hell yes, I pulled your cart out of the way the moment you took your hand off it. Because there was a family with kids coming the other way too that you hadn’t even noticed. I waved them through as they thanked me for moving your cart.

Of course, that was better than the Bitch With The Purse. You were in a great big back aisle with no one in it. Why did you suddenly feel the need to run into the other chokepoint in order to stop dead and start digging through your purse? Are you a fucking rodent? Do you usually feel the need to run into small enclosed spaces in order to hamster paw at your riches?

773

Fortunately, I don’t have any stairs in my house. so that peril is avoided. The current cat spent a year living with someone who didn’t like her, so she’s scared to feet already. I just have to nudge her a bit and she skedaddles.
The previous rant was about her sleeping next to my chair, right where I need to put my foot when I get up. She used to sleep under the table, hopefully she’ll resume that habit soon.

774

Fuck when stuff falls between the bed and the wall!
Fuck these assholes on Facebook who play reindeer mafia games on facebook who think they’re the next Tony Montana, and then get butthurt when they get called on it.

775

“It just works” my ass.

My beloved just got a high-end MacBook Pro assigned to her from work. Once home, it proceeded to not only not connect to our wireless network - it broke it. Oh, not permanently - it just killed the DNS server, a fairly easy fix (reboot the router). A few hours of research today showed hundreds (literally) of blog posts, forum posts, etc, about wireless networking problems with the MacBook Pro.

It turned out to be a fairly easy…fix, I suppose; all I had to do was set the DNS server in the internet properties on the MacBook. On a ~$4000.00 machine. That can’t be trusted to set up its own DNS properties. Something my $300 eeePC can do.

“It just works”

776

My cousin died this weekend. She was 27.

It’s not like we didn’t see it coming or anything. She’s been on heroin for nearly a decade now. How she made it this long, I have no idea. But she OD’d and there went the stupid hope we all nurtured that this time, the methadone would work, that this clinic would be the one, that this treatment center or that one would wave the right magic wand.

Once upon a time, her mother - my aunt - had three daughters. She buried the middle one when the girl died in a freak accident at around age 11. Then the inevitable slow downward spiral of her marriage came. She buried her now-ex-husband, who was forever my uncle in my heart, after he died of a heart attach a few years ago, on Thanksgiving day. Now this week she’ll bury her youngest daughter.

The oldest daughter has been on drugs even longer.

Any bets on what’s probably going to happen next?

I can’t stop crying.

777

purplehorseshoe, sorry.

If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think the precious snowflakes are any more special for sports-related achievements, either. I’ll be rolling my eyes and looking at my watch regardless.

778

Elder Daughter realizes sister’s death is a big wake-up call, goes into rehab & gets clean? Lives happily ever after with nice man, and has perfect grandbabies for her long-suffering mum?
I’ve lost every bet I’ve made this year, so I’ll bet you quarter this doesn’t happen, purplehorseshoe.
I’m so sorry for you and your aunt.

779

Ok, Google, I’m generally pretty happy with your services. However, for the last few weeks your toolbar in Firefox has been going a bit wonky. Specifically, the “Translate” feature. I don’t need anything translated so I turn it off. It turns itself back on daily, asking if I want to translate perfectly good English pages into… English. Stop please. Enough. If I turn it off I’d like it to stay turned off. Thanks.

780

Are you sure it isn’t pointing Sarah Palin’s webpage?