Which is rude?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Something similar has probably already been covered, but I thought I’d post it anyway.

  1. Guest smokes, host does not. Is it rude for the guest to begin smoking in the hosts home, or is it rude for the host to ask the guest to NOT smoke in their home?

  2. Host smokes, guest does not. Is it rude for the host to smoke in front of the guest, or is it rude for the guest to ask the host not to smoke in their own home?

I realize this is rather vague, and some factors aren’t mentioned, such as, was the smoker granted permission? Just assume not. I’d like to know what other people think.

Homepage: www.idahospuds.com
Occupation: Side dish
Location: the oven, 400 degrees for 45 minutes
Interests: fine dining, sour cream and butter.
-custom profile by UncleBeer

2

  1. Guest should respect house rules. Guest goes outside to smoke.

  2. Guest should respect house rules. Host smokes at will (but might be considerate enough to do it in a differnt room, bring fan out, etc.)

3

This one might be wasted on me, but here goes.

  1. Certainly is is rude for the guest to light up in the home of someone who does not smoke. Doubly so if the host is really opposed to it. In that kind of situation, were I the guest, I’d excuse myself, and go stand outside on the veranda, where it’s a little bit cooler anyway. I don’t really think that the host should be forced to ask the guest to not smoke.

  2. Even as the host, I would go outside. Even so, I think that it is a bit off for my guest to ask me not to smoke in my own house. That’s a good way to get de-guested in a hurry.

50 more questions like this, and my opinion will add up to a dollar’s worth.

4

I think I’m in the minority, but I believe that as a host, my job is to make my guests as comfortable as possible. That includes allowing them to smoke in my house, unless I have a bonafide medical condition that makes it impossible for me to be around smoke. By bonafide, I do not mean that I simply don’t like the smell of smoke.

A lot of people like to say “It’s my house, and smoking makes my house stink.” You’re wrong. Given that your guest will be around for several hours at most, your house will not smell like smoke the next day, or the day after at the latest. Trust me. I’ve tried. You’re being rude if you tell your guests they have to go stand in your garage and smoke.

Of course, it’s also rude for a guest to light up without asking permission first.

For situation 2, I follow the same rules as above. You make your guests comfortable. That includes asking if it bothers your guests if you smoke.

Like I said, I’m sure I’m in the minority on this one, but I have yet to join the smoking police.

5

I torn with this one.

I agree with you, Athena, because I was raised to respect guests in my home and put them before myself. I mean, after all, they were invited.
At the same time though, I agree with both mouthbreather and Mr. Cynical, because when you are a guest in someone’s home (their home) you should be respectful of their rules.

What if the situation wasn’t about smoking. Let’s say the guest walks in with their shoes on, where the host obviously leaves their shoes at the door. In some cultures it is considered rude to remove your shoes.

6

Ms. Manners actually dealt with the shoe question not too long ago, but I can’t find a reference on the web. Basically she said that a host who required her guests to remove their shoes in order to preserve their flooring was rude. However, if you’re a guest who walks into someone’s house with muddy shoes, you’re being rude. Common sense must prevail.

Etiquette pretty much goes both ways. If you’re a smoker and are smoking in a host’s house, and the host is obviously uncomfortable (runny eyes, coughing, etc.) then you should put the cigarette out or go outdoors. Likewise, if you’re a host who doesn’t like the smell of smoke, you should put up with it for the few hours you have guests in your house.

It’s become fashionable to not tolerate cigarette smoke, and quite frankly, I believe people use it as an excuse to be rude. There’s a lot of Nazi Non-Smokers around.

7

Smokers retire to the smoking room to smoke. If there is no smoking room, smokers do not smoke. Guests are permitted to ask the host “Do you mind if I smoke?” and the guest must abide by the host’s answer. The host is not required to provide a reason. It is not rude to refuse to subject yourself to smoke in your own home, even if it is for only a few hours.

Instructing a guest to remove her shoes to preserve flooring tells the guest that the flooring is more important than the guest. It also calls into question the intellect of someone who would purchase an item meant to be walked upon and then forbid people from walking on it.

8

I can’t even fathom the mindset that would make me bend to the bad habits of my guests. It’s my job to make them comfortable, but it’s still their job not to mess my place up. Smoking stinks, and the hell it doesn’t linger… when my friend who smokes comes over I can tell what chair he sat in for days, and that’s from smoking outside.

There’s a line somewhere, but this is past it. If my friend shoots up heroin, I’m sure you’re not going to propose that it would be rude to stop him from shooting up in my living room. And if I were to have a friend that needed an insulin shot, I’d be insane to tell him to shoot up outside. The line is in between those two extremes, but forbidding smoking falls on the safe side.

http://www.madpoet.com
I am human, and I need to be loved
Just like anybody else does

9

Smoking stinks. I live in a climate (Florida) where I can for most of the year provide my guests with an ashtray and a pleasant place to sit out on my deck while they smoke. There is no smoking in my house, period. My sister, who lives in another state, sends me boxes of clothes that her kids have outgrown, for my kids. She washes those clothes, then packs them. When I get them I have to wash them again, because they reek of cigarette smoke even though they were washed before she packed them.

Plus, I don’t want anybody smoking around the kids, if I can help it. Secondhand smoke issues, and all that stuff.

Goldie

Gentlemen certainly DO prefer blondes –
and with good reason!

10

I’m a smoker. I always ask first before I light up in someone’s home, even if the host is a smoker (some smokers do not smoke inside their own homes). Even if there are visible ashtrays, it is simply polite to ask. If the host says no, then that’s it. I do not smoke inside that home. I will try to simply not smoke for the duration of the visit, but if I must smoke, I will step outside, and make it quick.

Cristi, Slayer of Peeps

I made my husband join a bridge club. He jumps next Tuesday.

(title & sig courtesy of UncleBeer and WallyM7!)

11

It’s rude to acuse someone of rudeness.

12

What about the people that say “It’s my house and smoking is a health hazard?”

I would personally not object to people smoking in my house, but I don’t think it’s out of line to ask someone to go smoke outside.

13

It’s not a matter of putting the flooring above the guest, if shoe removal was part of the ‘house rules’, is it not?

Homepage: www.idahospuds.com
Occupation: Side dish
Location: the oven, 400 degrees for 45 minutes
Interests: fine dining, sour cream and butter.
-custom profile by UncleBeer

14

Been there…both sides of the question. It’s rude for a guest to do anything that might offend without asking. It’s up to the host to decide the rules. The host smokes at will. However, if the host is aware of the guests aversion to smoke, it would be polite to refrain, or get a fan, open a window, or whatever. My mother in law wouldn’t smoke in her own house when her daughter was there. My feeling was the DAUGHTER should go outside, she knew her mother smoked and chose to come over.

Always remember that you are unique, just like everybody else. MIPSIMS : where we put the fun back in dysfunctional.

15

oh stacy…i can’t believe you didn’t ask me…i, your friend since public school, who’s mother bought a manners book JUST for me to read.

The Random House Vest Pocket Handbook of Etiquette:
“Cigarettes: …And, unless you’re a completely non-smoking group, you must make some provision for cigarettes.”

and while i was at it…
“The Bridesmaid;s Expenses: As it is almost unthinkable, without a very serious reason, for anyone to refuse to be a bridesmaid, you must think carefully whether you are imposing expenses that your friends can’t afford by asking them to join your wedding party…Though a thoughtful bride will try to pick out clothes that aren’t too expensive and that will be of some future use to the bridemaids, serving at a wedding still means a considerable outlay of money for the attendants.” so your cousin can screw you into paying as much as she wants for your dress, and you’re stuck.

16

handy

Depends how it’s done. Exclaiming “how dare you!” in response to rudeness is not rude. It is in fact perfectly proper. It is also not rude, when asked one’s opinion of the rudeness of an action, to explain one’s opinion (although explaining can be cone in a rude way). The OP does not posit a specific person, it is a hypothetical. Must we refrain from commenting on the manners of non-existent people?

Arnold

Saying it this way would be rude. If someone asks, the proper response is “I’m so sorry, but actually yes I do mind.” If someone lights up without asking, the proper response is, “I’m so sorry, I have to ask you not to smoke.” No explanation is required and none should be requested.

saucy

Sure it is. It is not the custom in the US for people to remove their shoes when entering another’s home. What is the reason the host is giving for deviating from custom? Preserving the flooring. Don’t put things on the floor if you don’t expect people to walk on them. If dirty shoes are really that much of a problem, put out floor mats for people to wipe their feet before entering.

delilah

Is this in the context of a party in one’s home or a social occassion outside the home?

“I an’t afford to blow a hundred dollars on a dress I’m going to wear once” strikes me as a very thinkable reason.

17

Allow me, the recorvering smoker who has been on both sies of the fence, with family which is equally as divided:

My house, my rules. Even though I quit smoking, I have no problem with allowing someone to smoke in my place. When Libby graduates from law school and we get digs commensurate with our (her) money, I hope we would have a room spcifically for when smoking guest come by. I don’t like the idea of banishing smokers outside.

Your house, your rules. I always asked to light up, and if I was told no, I would ask where they think it best I go to smoke. I also would carry a bit of tin foil with me. This way, if there was no ashtray handy, I would have something to put the butts in.

Not mentioned here, but in social situations in restaurants, it is up to the party to have an informal vote. The outcome is one of the following:

(1) I don’t smoke, but I can sit in smoking.
(2) I smoke, but I’ll sit in non-smoking.
(3) I don’t smoke, and we will NOT sit in smoking.
(4) I smoke, and I WILL be smoking at my table.

Let’s get real - How many people when among friends, co-workers, or what have you, take the latter two stances? Not many.

I’ve seen mixed tables go in smoking when the non-smokers were tolerant, and I’ve seen then go into non-smoking when the smokers were cool with it. There is no right or wrong here.

Yer pal,
Satan

http://www.raleighmusic.com/board/Images/devil.gif

Still not smoking, but away from my meter!

18

I just think its impolite to smoke around non-smokers. (though in some situtaions you can’t avoid it but were not talking of public property but private property) My Grandpa was a smoker and he never smoked in our house he always smoked outside out of politeness. He also only smoked in the basement or garage of his own home no where else. My Grandfather no longer smokes but also not too long ago a Great Uncle came to visit my Grandparents and he is a smoker. Grandma didn’t stop him from smoking in the house but he did smoke near an open door. (he sat at the kitchen table with the door to the patio open)

Never run from anything immortal, it attracts their attention.

Brought to you by the Amazon woman of Canada.

19

How correct do you hold Tony Randall?
I ask because this quote came up from him (was looking for something else).
“If I knew you smoked I’d offer you cigarettes. I’d hope you wouldn’t use them, but I’d offer them.”

20

I’m sorry, but smoking affects everyone around you. There is no way someone is gonna light up in my house or my car.

I liken it to going to someone’s house with a boombox blasting out music. It’s simply rude to force someone to put up with your bad habit.

Don’t get em wrong, I’m polite about it. I do take the “Please don’t smoke here” approach, and if I was driving with someone who smoked, I’d be happy to pull over occasionally for them to feed their monkey.

P.S. smoking definatly stinks. I’m allergic to smoke, and I can detect a whiff of it for days.

You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.