And double bonus points if the wife loudly begs you to shoot the aforementioned gobs of cum down her throat. If her parents overheard that, they’d never, ever again ask to stay at your house. 
Eeeeew.
That, along with the touching of the A/C control, merits execution. My mind is boggling. What would he think if you visited his house and started digging up all his plants, shrubbery and lawn, or maybe busting up his porch with a sledge hammer?
Ah, but you see, BMalion, he was doing me a favor, getting rid of those nasty trees cluttering up my lawn.
If he had more time on his hands I think he’d pave it.
You should do him a favor and throw out all of his old clothes, after all, he should by all new ones anyway.
I suffer under this same issues and the same limitation, except my in-laws live with us!
I get a chuckle when spring hits and the windows come open. MiL, on a nice and pleasant 60 degree F morning, will be dressed as if she’s about to embark on an Artic expedition.
That’s probably why they had to turn on the A.C.
There’s your answer. You need to have sex. Loud, loud sex with shrieking and headboard-pounding. Preferably with their sweet daughter screaming “Fuck me! Fuck me hard!” while you grunt. Then when you walk down the hall afterwards and pass by the in-laws peeking anxiously out their door, turn to show 'em the fresh claw marks on your back, wink at them, and walk on.
They won’t be back.
Bonus points if your wife walks around bowlegged all the next day.
We turned the air on because it’s been 98 & humid.
Fodder in-law turned it off because he’s 76 and freezing.
Jerry Seinfeld used to do a wonderful stand up bit about old people being cold and how if they sent them to the sun they’d pack sweaters.
Get this: Yesterday we went to a public park in Brookfield. Huge pool, waterslide, diving boards, etc… It’s very nice and the clientele act more civilized than what you see at Milwaukee public pools. Far less rudeness and you don’t hear “mother fucker” being yelled every other second…
20 minutes into being there he says he has the beaches in Florida at home and isn’t impressed. He leaves. I paid $5 to get him in and he leaves. Luckily we took seperate cars so my wife & I stayed 4 more hours. When we got home the house was sweltering. Checked the central air control: It had been on the entire time.
Checked the furnace downstairs & AC unit outside: AC is working, but it’s chugging. Out-laws weren’t there so we opened the guest room door:
THE SONOVABITCH HAD BOTH WINDOWS OPEN, WIDE OPEN, AND THE VENT FOR THE AC WAS WIDE OPEN TOO!
For almost 5 hours we’d been blowing expensive cold air out not 1, but 2 windows!
MOTHER FUCKER!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
“Now get down on all fours and present, father in law, time’s a wastin!”
That ought to get them out the door fast.
Finish your smack or no dessert.
The Aristocrats!
Great rant, and nice consistency, but I have to ask - why are you limiting yourselves like this?
Time to put a damn lock on the damn A/C/furnace controls (I am taking an educated guess that if they visit in winter, it’s never warm enough then, either) like you see in institutions. “If you’re too cold, put on a sweater. Or better yet, get a hotel room where you can set the temperature to anything you like.”
No, they only come up in the summer so they can go to FESTA. Usually for 2 weeks, but sometimes for a month. (Funny, Festa is only4 days long).
If I told you everything about my off-the boat Sicilian F.I.L. it would take days & days to type it all out, and in the end you would accuse me of lying to spread sterotypes & hatred. So I won’t go into his crooked business deals and whatnot that I witnessed over the last 3 decades. I’ll just keep to recent things:
On saturday we went wine tasting and then to lunch at a nice cafe. The lunch for 4 cost me $66 BEFORE tip, but all he did was grumble about how we could have gone to a nicer place. This even pissed my wife off who told him to stiffle or he’d find himself eating Big Macs for lunch. While waiting for our food he started talking about how he remembers having been there. “When were we here?” he kept asking his [3rd] wife. (My original Monster-in-law is croaked 17 years now and his 2nd got wise & bailed 5 years ago).
My wife kept kicking him under the table while he argued with his wife that they had been there before during a last visit.
The reason she was kicking him? Because she knew that the woman he took there was not his current wife, but a woman he was fucking around with when he came up by himself last summer.
My wife is too kind in trying to shut him up. I say give him enough rope to hang himself with.
You know those situations where you read something so unexpectedly funny and the laughter just erupts? Then you try to stop it but you just can’t? Then you try closing off your throat, but the laughter goes into your nasal passqages and you close those off too? Then, because it’s trapped, it rebels and comes out as a disgusting, loud snorting sound? So, because you’re still at the cube farm and don’t want to be thought any more strange (they did just catch you skipping down the hall last week), you then “pretend” cough?
This post just made me do that.
Exgineer, however, doesn’t owe me a new monitor or keyboard. Luckily I wasn’t drinking any liquids at the time. He does owe me a stick of gum because, between the throat maneuver and nasal passage lockdown, I can’t find the piece I was chewing.
Nice OP: I give it an 8.5 out of 10 (and you all know for which line).
Oh, yes, and he tried to do his prayer routine. I put my hand up and said “he who prays, pays!”.
Contrary to my OP, I don’t really have a huge problem with religion or prayer. It’s just that I know what a lying, cheating, stealing, adulterating piece of shit he is, was, and always will be. So this show he puts on so everyone can see how pious he is really infuriates me.
Got to ask, why do you both bother with him? Your wife must know how bad he is, no inheratance can be worth that much hassel?
Then get down to that altar! You’re not a virgin but Satan isn’t picky!