Whisky. Tango. Foxtrot (Why yes, it is another weird spam thread)(NSFW)

[Chimpy]

So I just recieved this in my email inbox

@Crazy Spam Writer

DO YOU LIKE HARDCORE PORN?

IF YOUR ANSWER IS YES CLICK HERE TO SATISFY YOUR URGE!![address removed]

Dear You,

I never write letters like this, but since there is no option stated for a “no” response to your question, in your case, I’ll make an exception.

No. I most certainly do not like hardcore porn… however, I simply adore softcore pornography… really softcore… like old married couples holding hands and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes with the quiet intensity that shows a true bond that can weather time and adversity. Oh my god, I am hard as a fucking rock now! I’d imagine that such a description would put anyone in the same state who has half an imagination and a penis.

Do you have any porn sites handy where I can find pictures of that sort of thing? Like a woman in 20s garb with a dainty yellow parasol sitting in a park on a bench coyly observing a man wearing suspenders and a light, summery pair of dress pants in the distance?.. uhhhhh-hhhuuhhhhu…Wow, I just soiled myself.

Where could I ever find anything like that???

Jon

WATCH HOT HORNY WOMEN MASTERBATE AND DO ANYTHING YOU WANT AND CAN IMAGE! WATCH LIVE HOT HARDCORE SEX!! GET INSTANT ACCESS TO THE BEST HARDCORE SEX ACTION ON THE PLANET GUARANTEED!! THIS SITE IS VERY HARDCORE SO YOU MUST BE OVER 18 Also you can get VHS or DVD video,please e-mail request to [address removed]

I thought the middle bit was quite funny in a “Something is horribly wrong here” way.

[Gadfly]

The most surreal spam I’ve ever gotten was, well…

Originally spammed as “Fwd:” by “Lovie”:
blew notice XP PR0 $5O; 0FFICE XP $100. NORT0N 2004 $15; 0FFICE 2003 $8O; AD0BE
PH0TOSH0P $8O, SH1P ALL COUNTRIES save made
http://rising%2eslowlyreached%2Eorg%2Edk%2e%77%77w%77.%79o%75%68%61ve%67%6ft%2e%63%6fm
time stairs front sentence my you manner" accidentally win trying bit feelings
future! fair name shown room over, difficult daughter afterwards swimming
carriage rich,
single fact close cost full build. hair beyond knowing making dining.
weird knowledge whom pain angry impossible excite peculiar team. night cold town
bottom" use perform year public form leisure. soon whole scare is cry accident
human,
need standing must standing told finding kind? almost raised boys supposedto
hundred benefit circle, final law grade ah misspell sandwich afraid,
discipline bought course actual we brother myself given another. raise
definitely carried evil benefit gotten along" head south other may drew
different,

What the hell? What in the goddamned hell? It sounds like a japanese David Lynch movie translated by babelfish.

When I’ve got caffeine jitters late at night, (early in the morning) as I do now, this spam unnerves me a bit.

[Scissorjack]

Abe Simpson has a porn site now?

[Scissorjack]

@Gadfly

The most surreal spam I’ve ever gotten was, well…

What the hell? What in the goddamned hell? It sounds like a japanese David Lynch movie translated by babelfish.

When I’ve got caffeine jitters late at night, (early in the morning) as I do now, this spam unnerves me a bit.

Oh, that’s just Jim Morrison spamming from beyond the grave again. Just ignore him, even if he threatens to get his dick out.