Here’s the situation. My friends and I are making plans last Saturday. We talk about going to see the new Austin Powers movie. I can’t make a really early show, because I’ve got my mom’s birthday party to attend. But I know that it’s gonna be over early, 8:30 at the latest. So I find a 9:30 show (this was the only show that was close to all of us that I could make), but they say it’s no good, cause they don’t want to stay up late. That’s fine; I can appreciate that. We talk about going to see it next weekend, although no firm plans are made. Fast forward to tonight, when I find out that they all went without me, to a show that I couldn’t have made.
I’m a little pissed right now, but I can’t help but wonder if I’m being unreasonable. After all, they’re under no obligation to include me in their plans. In fact, had anyone suggested that they might go see it without me, I don’t think I would’ve really cared. I still wouldn’t have liked it, but I wouldn’t have cared so much.
Since I can’t decide, I’m bringing the question to you guys. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill, or have my friends been less than considerate here?
You’re friends wanted to get together and see a movie at a given time. They asked if you wanted to be included in their plans, something good friends would do. You had to see your Mom. They considered going to another showing, something good friends would do. In the end they decided to follow their original plans. Not too unfriendly if you ask me.
It sounded to me like the group wanted to get together that night. So, going to a movie sounded like a good thing, gee, one of us couldn’t go until too much later than the rest, their options at that point were to:
Not get together at all
Get together at a later point, going to the movie, but dropping several other people.
Get together at a later point, w/o a specific plan of what to do (which given that several people couldn’t do a ‘later time’ anyhow doesn’t sound like a good plan)
Go to the movies then, and do something w/you at a later point.
Unless you’d expressed some strong ‘gee I can’t wait for all of us to see Goldmemeber for the first time’, I’d say they opted to get together tonight since it’d be dropping the least # of people from the group.
No, I think you’re within your rights to be a little P.O’ed. As soon as you all started talking about going next week, you could only assume that they had decided to wait for you to be able go with them. For them to wait til you weren’t around and then essentially say “okay, he’s gone, let’s go without him!” was a bit unfriendly. So you’re allowed to be ticked, but only for one day, and you can’t mention it to them.
When the sun rises tomorrow, just laugh it off and smirk a little about these friends who can’t stay awake after 10 p.m. My gosh, I’m a sleep-deprived 45 year old and I can stay awake through a 9:30 show and make it to work at 7 am the next day And the next time they plan something that you have a conflict with, tell them to go ahead without you, because you know they don’t care about your feelings anyway, so you may as well avoid the whole sneaky bit right up front.
As self-appointed Judge Wapner, I rule in favor of your friends. If a group wants to do something on a Saturday night, not everyone will always be able to do everything. They shouldn’t have to sit around doing nothing for fear of you missing out on whatever they would have done.
Geez, that’s what I was thinking - what are they, like, 85yrs. old? They can’t stay up to see a 9:30 movie? Maybe you should get a new group of friends to add to your repertoire - the old ones that have to be in bed by 9 and the new ones that can actually be flexible and manage to stay up until midnight or later.
Technically, they didn’t do anything wrong, and it isn’t something you should confront them about or let linger, but after talking to you and trying to arrange a plan together they must have known it wasn’t nice to just go ahead without even telling you. Still, there’s absolutely no need to argue or risk friendships over it, just be aware of it next time you are all arranging things so you know where you stand.
Yeah, I think kittenblue did hit it on the head. It wasn’t very nice, but it’s nothing worth caring about in the long term. Today, I’m completely over it. Any passing mod who wishes to close this thread may do so.