Real “best friends” don’t do something like that to you repeatedly. If my best friend slept with my boyfriend, for any reason… the friendship would be over.
I would tell her that you forgive her but you don’t think you can continue the friendship the way it was before. I would keep her as an acquaintence and nothing more!
I don’t understand how she thought sleeping with your boyfriend would anger his best friend anyway… didn’t she realize she was hurting you more than anyone? I agree with Scotticher in the fact that she seems to be acting out on some resentment towards you. It couldn’t hurt to talk to her and find out if this is true. Even if it is, I wouldn’t continue the friendship because the trust is gone!
Good luck. It’s a tough call for you to make. I hope things turn out well.
I was a little surprised that the majority say that she cannot be trusted.
Usually, I think, in a situation like this you know deep down what the real answer is but you just don’t want to face it- I thought in this case it was to finally let go of the resentment and speak to her again.
It’s been two months and i still can’t look at her and not remember.
As i said before, it is necessary for me to come to some sort of understanding because my “other best friend” is her twin sister, and they are very close. I can seeth with bitter hatred all the time at my best friend’s twin sister, see?
And yes, if I didn’t make it clear before, she is in therapy now. In her last e-mail in which she apologized, she explained what she was going through at the time and how much the therapy hurts and how she was completely blind to certain things during that time (no shit).
She made it clear that it was not out of any resentment towards me. I know that sounds fishy to some of you, but honest- I can’t think of a single thing I’ve done to warrant that. She’s just stupid, that’s all.
By the way, did you know she did a similar thing to her sister? Sheesh.
So yeah, my new pretty boy is not going to meet her until we are close enough that I can tell him this story so he can be warned.
And the best I can do for my friend, until he actions prove that she’s grown up a bit, is a reserved sort of friendship. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt for me not to abandon her completely while she’s going through a tough time.
Most people don’t like her at all right now and that can’t help her original problem.
wait a sec. you know twins that at least one of which is fucked up enough to sleep with people out of spite? damn. if i wasn’t taken, i’d be asking for numbers.
i like how each time you bring in a detail that totally confuses what’s been said so far. this twin twist is kind of a big detail, thanks for making things interesting.
first off, you are under no obligation to help her through this tough time. it might be nice of you, but you certainly don’t owe her anything after what she did. this doens’t mean you should completely abandon her, but i don’t think anyone could hold that action against you.
how about you let things cool off for a few more weeks. she did a crappy thing to you, but maybe it wasn’t so bad. i mean, it wasn’t like she held a gun to your boyfriend’s head, right? so maybe things will end up ok after all. it was shitty what she did, but at least you are no longer with a guy with such low morals he’ll sleep with one of your best friends.
if it were me, i’d be tempted to shoot the bitch, but i’m wacky and violent that way. i probably wouldn’t, opting instead for something more subtle and demeaning, like throwing circus peanuts at them.
but i don’t know these people, and i don’t know you. so i say drop a metric ton of circus peanuts on her, and let bygones be.
so i say drop a metric ton of circus peanuts on her, and let bygones be.
BTW- I keep adding these little details one by, I suppose, because if I told every funny little twist in the OP nobody would understand it. It’s way too difficult.
But because this is getting so incredibly complicated (it already was, I just didn’t let on in the OP), I may as well add another one-
My former boyfriend was the one paying for her therapy!!!
Oh christ. Go ahead and say what you want, I agree with all of you on how twisted that is.
But as for dropping circus peanuts on her-
I already did the petty thing, but not with Circus Peanuts.
See, one night I went out food shopping and I came home with a special treat for my roommates.
“Look what I brought home!”
I had purchased a box of Leopard Twinkies. I had never heard of them either, but they looked good at the time, i guess. I don’t really know what I was thinking.
They were chocolate chip Twinkies, all brown-spotted.
I gave one to Beth, and she looked at it suspiciously and took a cautious bite. Then she grimaced as if in pain and slowly chewed it up and washed it down with a Diet Coke.
She told me, as politely as she could, that she coudn’t finish it, and WHY THE HELL DID I BUY LEPROSY TWINKIES?
I told her I had wanted to surprise her, and i said come now, they aren’t all that bad, and i took a bite-
blooooorrff!!! God, it was terrible. I fed the rest of it to my rat, now I imagine we are all infected.
Moral-don’t ever buy Leopard Twinkies.
So one night the Evil Twin had to sleep over for commuter-related reasons, and in the morning she asked politely if she could have something to take with her to work for lunch, and guess what-
I gave her a big box of Leprosy Twinkies.
She hadn’t tried them, so she said thank you.
In all seriousness Turpentine, have you ever watched that show? “Friends” sleeping with boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends, whatever, to get back at whoever. Watching these types of shows leaves me absolutely incredulous–because the people tolerate this behavior and act like it’s a huge deal it happened, but are unwilling to terminate the relationships that brought on the problems in the first place.
To echo what essentially everyone has said, dump your friend. I have a hard time even calling her a “friend” when her actions are considered. She has shattered your trust to the 9th degree, apologized for it, then done it again, apologized for it…hmmm. Methinks her sincerity is lacking, or at the very least her resolve.
I know it’s hard to let go of someone who was a close friend, but please consider that this friend was never truly as close as you once believed. It is not cruel or even immoral or unchristian to snap the strings. You’ve forgiven her, but forgiveness does not mean you allow her back into your life in the same capacity as before. Forgiving is wise, but pretending everything is the same as it was before is completely foolish. This person has established a pattern that says she will betray you and use you, if you let her.
Lose her. She’s proven she will do this repeatedly. Until she gets serious counseling she’s a loser. And hon…being roomies with her sister doens’t mean you have to love the rest of your roomie’s family. Be polite, but NEVER let her back in again. She’s poison.
Hey, turp, I’m sure you didn’t do anything to deserve any resentment or anger she has toward you. And, I don’t think you can count on her being honest about it if she does feel that way. When someone is unwell mentally or emotionally, they can be passionately convinced of things that have absolutely no basis in reality.
With the limited info we have here, and given the fact that she did this to her sister, too, I would hazard a guess that she is jealous of your friendship with her sister.
I don’t mean to harp on this, but I just want you to understand how dangerous it would be to give her complete trust again. Maybe with therapy and time, you will be able to trust her. But you had better give it a long time, with “good behavior” on her part.
Turpentine: You gave some really great advise when I needed it, so I’m going to try to return the favor.
For yourself, and for peace, you need to forgive her. In the long run, it is something you’ll be able to reflect on with pride.
If she is going to be in your life regardless of her being a friend or not, consider her downgraded. I had to do that with a friend who was consistently hurting me. In my mind, I downgraded her to acquaintance and kept her at a friendly distance. And of course, I wouldn’t introduce her to anyone I cared about. Your former friend, I mean.
Take care! You have lots of people here who care about you.
Oh, one other thing I wanted to mention.
I can truly believe that your friend didn’t think about hurting you when she did those things. The thing is, she wasn’t thinking about you at all. And that’s the part that really hurts. Your feelings had nothing to do with her needs at the time, and if she had taken the time to worry about you, it would have gotten in the way of what she wanted. She obviously didn’t care much about you or your feelings. Very bad for you. Stay as far from her as you can. And the next time she comes over, fudge brownies can hide the taste of chocolate ex-lax pretty easily.
Yup, Yup. I agree with Heloise. Downgrade that
leopard twinkie chokin’ bitch to acquaintance level.
And go have some fun with pretty boy for heaven’s sake.
