Who's a lousy lay? Revisited

Several posts taken together in the original thread are very disturbing: (Original thread in case anyone needs to see who said what.)

Is this really true? Dammit, I am 32 years old now. That is too far along to have not uncovered a truth of this magnitude. I knew SOME girls hadn’t had great experiences with sex, but MOST?

Hi. My name is Oreo. I am a woman, and I have never had an orgasm.



No, seriously. I’m not very old yet so I guess it’s still possible, but I’ve never had an orgasm with any of the guys I’ve been with. FTR…that’s 3 guys, and the 3rd I hope is going to be the last.

I’ve tried everything. (Well…maybe not EVERYTHING! :D) Many different positions, manual and oral stimulations, toys, naughty videos, etc. Masturbation is boring to me. Nothing seems to work.

That said, I still LOVE having sex. I love the intimacy of it, and it is physically pleasing to me. Afterwords I feel incredibly relaxed and at peace and just plain happy. So I really don’t think it’s because the guys I’ve been with have been doing it “wrong.” But I never have reached those peaks of ecstasty you read about in trashy novels.

I admit I have faked it before, just because it seems to disappoint the guy so much if they don’t make me orgasm. Me, I’m perfectly content with what I’ve got. I’m sure orgasms are wonderful things, but I’m just not sure how to get there. I’m not sure how “normal” this is or not. I’m kind of curious to see what other people say.

I’m such a freak…

Ooops…I guess I should add that I’m 25, if that makes any difference.

Make this a bit easier for the girls to answer.

a. I never have an Orgasm during missionary sex (dms).
b. I seldom have an Orgasm dms.
c. I occasionally have an Orgasm dms.
d. I frequently have an Orgasm dms.
e. I nearly always have an Orgasm dms.
f. I nearly always have at least one and often several Orgasms dms.
g. I usually have more than one and ocasional/frequently have 20 or more orgasms in a single session of missionary sex.

Don’t laugh at g. It does happen.

f. I’m very proactive. I don’t rely on the man to know which is the right spot; I find the “grab onto his ass and grind like there’s no tomorrow” method works quite well for me…and guys seem to dig it too. In fact, I have a much easier time getting off during intercourse, and specifically missionary, than any other position or activity. His weight on top makes the needed pressure much easier to achieve.

hmmmm… lots of readers, but very few posters.

Throw me a bone here. (Maybe I should avoid that phrase?)

Sex threads tend to have a very high view-to-post ratio. The good folk of the SDMB are just voyeurs, it would seem.

I am an F tending towards G.

Like Geobabe, I know what I want and I know how to get it. Not too many inhibitions, and just about anything makes me happy.

It has always amazed me the sheer percentage of women who don’t reach orgasm on a regular basis. It makes me want to start running a service or something to help them out.

I’m an a. :frowning:

uh, yeah… Me too. ehhem.

Seriously though, maybe the reason I’ve never been exposed to this is: The reluctance to speak up (even so far as to post here) is the same reason they are being satisfied? Needs some more research there.

I’ve had one significant relationship where the girl had not frequently had orgasms during sex in the past.

It took a little while (a couple weeks) to really unlock her. I mean, she was coming once or twice per session from the start, and she was VERY happy about that, but I really had to work at it to get her there. So far, every girl I have me has AT LEAST one way that works very well for her. Its easier to find if she already knows what it is. But, it is findable anyway. With her I just kept working through slightly different pacing, depth, angle, etc. and finally found a couple of good ways for her.
Warning TMI ZONE
A few months later when her birthday arrived, I decided I was gonna give her 50 big O’s in a session. Didn’t tell her that was the objective starting. (Yes, I was keeping count) Somewhere around the mid 20’s she made some comment about quantity, and I said she was about half way there. Even then she didn’t think it would be possible. In the end, we actually went past the mark by a couple. By that time they were only seconds apart.

There is a REALLY REALLY TMI similar story, but… probably better not post that one.


But for many years I had trouble orgasming, partially because missionary was about the only position we tried. Oral or manual sex could always do the trick, though.

I was also bored by my attempts at masturbation, never successfully masturbating until I was in my late 20’s. I found the secret though, so I hope this helps:

Use your mind. You know how you’re reading a novel and all of a sudden you stumble upon an unanticipated sex scene, and you start to get all tingly and squirmy, and you wish you wouldn’t, because you’re reading a book and not in bed with a hot, sexy man? You should mark your place in the book and run to the nearest private spot and masturbate while reading the interesting paragraphs. Works for me. The mental stimulation has to be there, and it has to be words. Guy porn (pictures) won’t do it for me.

So obviously your sex partner has to be actually sexy and not just there. Can he role play worth a darn? That helps.

Once you start having orgasms more often, it gets easier and easier to have them during missionary sex.

That’s one woman’s two cents.

I have written (private distribution, not general publication) two books (both of which have received great acclaim) under the name of Doctor Happy:

Better Love - Teaches men how to become better lovers, by focusing more on what women actually want.

Better Luck - Teaches men how to get the women interested in them enough so they can practice Better Love.

Through my endless hours of research, I have discovered that many women do profess to have never orgasmed. However, most can. It is all in the technique. I am a marathon man myself, and have unwittingly created several nymphomaniacs. My ability to make love like the Energizer Bunny (keeps going and going)is better for the women than for me, but I still enjoy myself.

I have found that by taking your time and spending at least 30-60 minutes on foreplay followed by at least 1-2 hours of sexual intercourse (various positions, fast/slow), helps increase the woman’s chances of orgasming.

Another hint might be to focus on multiple stimuli:
i.e. finger the G-spot, lick the clitoris, and tickle the nipples.

Finally, a little ingenuity and experimentation can go a long way.



In addition to being the proud owner of a Hair-Trigger Clit[sup]TM[/sup], I can have multiple orgasms from most any kind of vaginal sex, missionary included, if I’m sufficiently warmed up (which is pretty much a requirement but that’s another story). I can also have multiple orgasms from just taking a break and lying there, but still … ahem… engaged. I can also have Aftershock Orgasms[sup]TM[/sup], where I’m lying there afterwords, with no or minimal physical contact, and bang, there goes another one. Then there is the Rolling Orgasm[sup]TM[/sup], where one orgasm just runs into another and another nearly indistinguishable.

I am a very lucky woman.

Actually, technically that may make me a g.


I may just have to conduct some more research with you and include the results in my next book…