I honestly can’t recall since my teens when looks attracted me to a man. Yeah toothless Larry’s or Billy Bob’s aren’t included.
I agree. And, on a separate but related note, the people I find most attractive are women in that range of several dozen over. I’m perfectly comfortable if the rest of the world happens to notice.
Re-entering society after 15+ yrs of polluted views and trying to build a new life, I now know everything really does matter. In order to be the best I can be, understanding is key for me.
Over said years i gained weight over time. Things were said to me, some still do, all while I’m struggling to accept and love my self as I am, which I’ve succeeded in doing. What has been said to me and about me doesn’t hold any power in my opinion of myself. Most opinions are dust in the wind, I care not why they even form them. But some count, being able to understand how and why they are formed helps me properly value them emotionally, also I know where to stack people on my totem pole.
It’s just negative input from wrong sources. I’ve allowed myself to believe when people HAVE IN MY FACE TOLD ME that I should expect from others.
Porn, ha porn. Well I haven’t watched much, actualy kinda intrigued to find out how watching porn could do for me.
Wow, being a supportive husband, tending to his wife’s emotions is awesome. Ya know being active, actively putting health and wellness as a main priority in life would have definitely eliminated the surgery. That’s sad that she chose to mechanically alter her body just for asteic purposes. I don’t agree with weightloss surgery at all.
Thank you, you’ve brought a new understanding to my so called thought process! Any good woman would be a fool to see a man that looks back, understands, and wants to make it twice as nice, and she not want that back too. Yes a fool she would be, so yeah good luck to you!
Wimpy little bitch to me is not an accurate description, unless your trying to bring it new meaning. Eye candy is a shiny but temporary cover for shit.
Believe this or not but I honestly, for lack of better words, been brainwashed into believing everybody does and will treat me as what I’ve known. Words, yes just words online but it’s a shiny star. Being my first post on here, I definitely say it was a smart decision. There really are some evil folks, but perhaps not all are rotten.
This is not correct. This is a blanket statement that shrewdly alludes to all masculinity being “toxic” and steams of being a stealthy sociopolitical statement.
Being masculine does not make one an asshole that wants to get with a BBW in secret and lie about it or be ashamed of it in front of friends, it just makes that man insecure and not confident, both of which are counter to the requirements of being the stereotypical “masculine” male. What OP is speaking of are just insecure man-children who cannot think for themselves and let society/media influence what is acceptable for them, also something that is not “manly”. Real men don’t hit women, treat them as a commodity or judge them for their size, all of which are traits of an insecure “non manly” male. A real man has integrity and stands up for what he believes in and likes, and treats women well, regardless of what others think or whine about.
Back to the Topic at hand.
Big women are just as beautiful if not more than the brainless ones with the figure of a two by four. There are of course limits, the only line that could cross into “fetishism” is when the person is akin to the mom from “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”. That is just purely not attractive.
OP, if someone is not interested because of your thickness, they are not true men. A person can weed out the ones who will just waste their time as they are little insecure boys.
I heard this before in a discussion about this same subject.
“The meat is for the Man, the bones are for the Dog”
Agreed
Honestly, 30-40LBS is nothing! That doesn’t even count for a woman being “Big” or “Thick” in my opinion, it’s more preferable than being the skin and bones type. On the note about prestige and highest status, wouldn’t it only make sense from an evolutionary perspective for men to want and desire women with some extra pounds?
was referring to myself. I don’t know whether or not you’re wimpy or a bitch.
I don’t know of anyone who’s attracted to overweight women and ashamed of it – maybe they’re out there and are just good at keeping secrets. I will say that as someone who’s attracted to slightly overweight women and not ashamed of it, it doesn’t really come up in conversation a lot. That said, I think there’s a difference between a basic attraction and everything else that goes into choosing a life partner. I’d love my wife no matter what she looked like, but I’d prioritize being healthy, active, and living a long life over physical appearance. If she were to put on 20 attractive pounds and gain some knee pain as a result, that’s no good.
No, nothing like 80%. Men in all cultures like pretty women in devastating numbers, and they settle for less pretty ones, prioritising other aspects. However, liking pretty women over non-pretty ones is in our genes, not society. How society deals with deviations from the norm may be different.
“Toxic masculinity” is an invented concept to put down any masculine expression that some people don’t like. Labelling as such precludes conversation or dialogue and is an easy escape from debate.
Exactly. Although if your dad played catch with you and didn’t force your sister, who didn’t like it, into doing it, he had “toxic masculinity” or something like that.
Agreed 1000%
Being accepted in your social group is very important for most people and going against the grain is always a difficult choice. I almost never drink and, even if there was no real pressure, it was always “come on, join us” and it was 15 years until nobody asked me to drink, even as a joke. The easy part is to fake liking beers, drink two and be done with it.
Dating “below” your attractiveness level is inherently different for men than for women. Men are more visual in their preference. Good looking women can take an ugly man far more easily than the reverser and not for societal reason but for genetic ones, reinforced by society.
Agreed, but also real women don’t look or settle for violent men.
Agreed
Disagreed. For my sexual preferences I will judge as I please and so will women. If I like skinny girls and not chubby ones, there is nothing wrong or toxic or insecure about it. Liking dumb women is no worse than liking intelligent ones. To each their own.
Not quite agree.
Who decides what a real man is? I hope it’s not you.
Also, standing up for what one believes is good, but you can’t go making a fuss about everthing and avoiding conflict can be useful.
Treats people well, not just women.
OK.
If you’re talking about yourself, perfect, but you’re, surprisingly, demeaning women for not looking like you prefer. Some men like “flat” women.
As a more than general rule, the fatter you get, the less attractive you get to the general population and appealing to ever diminishing number of, in this case, men.
If you like 200kg women, more power to you.
No, they’re men who don’t like fat women, and that’s ok.
Purity vows like that seem exhausting.
“Each man should choose the type of women they like without others judging” means something and you seem to have forgotten it.
This makes it sound as if men who don’t like fat women aren’t “smart” or “brave” enough to be attracted to fat women - when, in fact, many men are simply not attracted to fat women, period.
This is entirely subjective. This is like people who insist, “People of a certain race are just as attractive as people of another race.” You can insist on that as much as you want, but ultimately, people’s behavior will prove it to be true or untrue.
Totally. Since adulthood, I don’t think I’ve been in that range – as in, I’ve always been more than 30-40 lbs overweight. But I carried it well most of the time (now I’ve got baby weight in all the wrong places that I haven’t lost yet, but that’s another story). Yet, I still managed to have a fairly active dating life and found a husband who loves my curvy, soft body.
As far as from an evolutionary perspective, part of the reason I have the extra weight (that’s so hard to lose) is due to a condition that causes infertility. I have PCOS, and one of the most common side effects is central obesity. Sure, usually some extra padding is an indicator of fertility, but sometimes it’s a sneaky little mofo.
Historically, it was seen as an indicator of social class to be fat, too. If you were skinny, it meant that you did physical labor for work and didn’t have enough resources to feed yourself well. The best chicks were the fat chicks; wealthy, well fed, able to bear children, etc. Heck, Tevye dreams about his wife having a proper double chin during Fiddler on the Roof.
But lately, the most socially desirable women were the skinny women who had time to work out, hire nutritionists, eat selective diets, etc. It’s usually an indicator of having resources. And in a capitalist society like ours, socially desirable is king.
sorry if this kind of zig-zagged. It made sense as it was coming out of my head.
No, i was trying to say is, if your more worried how a lady will treat you rather than how others accept her appearance that doesn’t correlate anywhere with being a wimpy little bitch. Quite the opposite if you ask me
How old are you? Are you young and someone who has a long history of feeling rejected and defective?
Feeling comfortable in your own skin is fine. But do you know why being rejected or feeling inferior hurts? Because humans are social animals. And among social animals, status is important.
Part of growing up is finding the balance between social obligations and self acceptance.
I disagree. Toxic masculinity is when men are straight-jacketed into gender roles that make them dysfunctional. Gender roles where men can’t ask for help or show weakness, and the only emotions they can show are anger and rage. Those suck, and they suck just as bad as the gender roles that say women can’t work in science or handle responsibility.
What an awful thing to say. People come in all shapes and sizes and people’s attraction to others comes in all different forms. Why not just leave it at that and not castigate people who happen to be very thin or very fat?
To reply to** Gigi**, Velocity and Aji
Confused with the replies, maybe I worded it wrong (it was late when I posted).
That is what I am saying, it all depends on personal preference, I am not reflecting my own preference on the matter nor saying all thin people or all larger people are bad, or those who have a preference for either of them are. To the beholder one can easily be just as beautiful as another is my point. It all depends on the person really. My apologies if that part sounded like a blanket statement, not my intention.
Yeah, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that, like I am shaming people or something for not dating a larger person, or someone outside of their preference that absolutely wasn’t my intention. It really depends on the persons.
Thanks for the clarification!
I didn’t think this still had to be said but Toxic Masculinity does not and has never suggested that all masculinity is toxic. It’s pointing out the fact that elements of traditional patriarchal society isn’t just bad for women, it also polices men in a way that is devastating.
I usually try and refrain from negative. I think I’ll indulge just once.
No I am not young, I’m 36. Perhaps I’ve been sheltered, mind effed, and abused in every way possible. But that’s not what I inquiring about. Some of us have really lived lives that most don’t and can’t ever wrap their tiny brains around. I was put away on on a shelf for years and treated as such and more but that’s as far as I want to go with that. So I was honestly wanting to know an answer. This shelf putting person treatment came across to me in one way and that was as being ashamed of me. Also the same said person made me believe that everyone man that I would ever come in contact with would treat me the same, they would be ashamed of me. So I honestly was seeking a non biased answer for my emotional future reference.
Well, the person who said that every man you met who was attracted to you would be ashamed of it was wrong. Maybe some of them will be. It’s up to you to decide whether or not you want to have anything to do with them.
And I mean that seriously - if you decide not to date them, it doesn’t make them wrong. It just means they’re not for you.
Regards,
Shodan