I thought, since I can’t seem to shut-the-f[cencored]k-up about her I might as well include some sort of warning in my thread titles from now on.
Today was the last time I will see her for three weeks. She’s off to Florida with her hubby (and her brother and her kid).
So why am I in a cheery mood? Sure I wished her a happy holiday like I intended to. I told her I’d miss her like Intended to. I get depressed when I don’t see her for more than a day. So why am I in a good mood considering I won’t see her for three entire weeks? I shouldn’t be.
I know she knows I hold a candle for her. I love knowing her.
I usually don’t drop in on these sorts of threads but I gotta say, this is NOT a healthy relationship for you from what I can see. Walk away. These situations rarely work out the way one might wish. Trust me.
Even so, she has a boyfriend AND a child. I can pretty much guarantee that waiting this out will only lead to considerable frustration down the road. Take it from one who has been there and learned. Walk. Away. Now.
I’ve decided to bump this thread and respond to this post because I am bored and have nothing else to do, and it needed an explanation anyway.
When I met her she didn’t have the boyfriend. The child is not the boyfriend’s. The child is of someone who left the scene pretty sharpish.
I can’t literally walk away because she works in the same office at the same time as me, so if you mean it figuratively… I may be inexperienced but I think I have some degree of sensibility. I am sure I can remain her work friend indefinitely.
The fact that she has been on holiday for over a week now has shown me that it would not take long to get over my feelings for her and get my life back to what it was before I met her (minus the bad bits… being overweight, in a rut, and having a drink problem)
If she leaves the company, or if for some other reason we get seperated then I will make efforts to be an out-of-work friend. I like her company and would want to keep it. Besides, I don’t think she’s the type to keep boyfriends for very long. She’s only 20 and I think this particular one is one of the temporary ones.
Common sense dictates that violating a pre-existing relationship in order to acquire a mate yields a mate who doesn’t respect relationships…Think “karma”.
Or if not karma, than preexisting psychological conditions that you can do jack shit to change.
In other words: If you think she’ll stay with you any longer than she stayed with anyone else, you’re probably wrong. If you think you can change her, you’re utterly and completely wrong and heading for a shitload of pain.
Relationships are hard enough without people dragging extra baggage into it. Everyone drags something into everything they do; this can be a good thing (experience, training, positive attitude) or a bad thing (unrealistic expectations, negative attitude) but something is always there, spoken or implied. To keep things simple, there should be as little baggage as possible, especially of the implied kind. She has a rather huge piece of preexisting complication in the form of the child (I love kids, I was one myself once, but they are nothing less than a fundamental change if you’re doing things right.), and if you drag much more into this relationship it simply isn’t going to work.
Rolling with the punches doesn’t mean signing your own execution warrant. It does mean not making this any harder than it has to be on either of you. Her child and serial monogamy and your ‘candle’ will make it harder for either of you to roll with any punch harder than a breeze. None of this looks very good at all, especially if either of you want to come out unbloodied.
Finally, she may settle down with the guy she’s with now. Holding a candle for a woman already in a relationship is unhealthy, but holding a candle for a woman on the primrose path is worse yet.
Okay, I hate to say it, but I disagree here. There’s nothing wrong, IMHO, with having warm, fuzzy feelings for someone. Lobsang is a big boy, and I assume he knows that, as she’s involved, she’s likely not someone he’ll end up involved -with-. Just the same, it can be nice to have that momentary high when someone you like passes by. Heck, there are women I see every once in a while at the local bookstore that I watch just because I like watching them. I’m not going to go anywhere with them, romantically speaking. I probably won’t even talk to them other than letting them know where a particular book is. But it’s still nice to -see- them.
