Wait - Diogenes is a black woman? I always figured Dio for a bitter liberal white 20 y.o. man in birkenstocks. 
I can’t let this issue go by without a link.
A lot of black women are not very subtle about their bitchiness, apparently preferring to express it in a direct manner. That frightens a lot of [white] people, who are used to a more subdued form of condescension.
Maybe you’re not intimidating, but genuinely assertive. And I mean that in the best sense of the word. A person who knows what he/she wants and knows how to express themselves in a way that people respond to.
You don’t sound like a hostile or mean person.
Maybe your curse of intimidating people is actually the gift of outstanding communication skills.
Some, some of the time, yes. Maybe even most of them, most of the time.
Certainly in some professional situations (I’m currently a teacher) one has to be very careful to watch oneself. One or two well-meant but fumblemouthed and overbroad generalizations in front of the wrong class can get you in very deep trouble, and at times, it can make me very, very nervous.
It’s possible that the OP might be having the same effect on servers, etc.
And I’m with Whynot.
For a while, in the 90’s, and somewhat into the early 2000’s, racial sensitivity was somewhat high, or at least seemed like it was high. At times it almost seemed like just saying the word “black” could get you in trouble. That seems to have lessened quiet a bit in the past few years though, but I guess it’s obvious that some people still feel the need to walk on tiptoes when it comes to racial issues.
This kind of reminds me of the Daria episode Gifted. Daria and her friend Jodie (a black female classmate for those of you who never seen it) as well as both their parents, are visiting a school for academically gifted students. Their parents have never met before. When Daria’s parents see pretty much the only black couple in the room, Helen, Daria’s mother, goes over and says “You must be Jodie’s parents.”, to which Michele, Jodie’s mother, somewhat angrily replies “Why do you say that?” to which makes Helen nervious and she has no reply.
should just read “which makes Helen nervious and she has no reply.”
woodstockbirdybird, Okay. I see your point. I don’t understand why folks find it difficult to be honest about things, though. [sigh]
TheLoadedDog, It’s okay. I don’t mind if you came in by mistake. I don’t bite. Honest. [giggle] Bunnies are cute, aren’t they? Oh, and about showing you some body language tricks, well, I’m not sure how I hold myself, hon. It’s not something I pay attention to. It’s just something I do. If you want to learn no-nonsense body language tricks, then I suggest you become a schoolteacher. 
kimera, You know I have asked some folks what they find scary about me, but they say my asking them scares them too. What’s a girl to do?
silentgoldfish, As much as Snoogykitty thinks I’m a cat, I’m really not. But, your post about glasses and fangs gave me a fit of the giggles as I tried to picture myself as an orange kitty wearing shades.
Tenar, I can’t help but ask questions about stuff I don’t understand. And, I do enjoy good service, when it’s offered. Sometimes I, too, get ignored by bartenders-- that is until I wave some cash around.
This Year’s Model, no, hon., I don’t have a beard. 90% of the time I’m laughing and giggling and smiling. I still don’t see why that should scare folks.
Waverly, [giggle] I don’t have a gun, but I do have a purse. You think that dude thought I was going to hit him with it or something? [innocent eyes]
Whynot, Yes, you’ve got my description down to a T, but I don’t intend to make folks feel “inadequate, ugly, or stupid.” I wonder if I do give off the impression that folks are “unworthy” of being in my presence. Hmmm. I’ve learned to project a no-nonsense attitude so I could survive as a teacher. Perhaps I was in schoolteacher mode when I addressed the bouncer.
cricetus, yes, I won’t hesitate to make a scene, if the asholeish behavior warrants it. I don’t make scenes to be mean or anything.
grienspace, I wasn’t with a Mike Tyson look alike. The bouncer fella was black and my friends are white and Arab.
BubbaDog and gaucho, Who is Wanda Sykes? 
RickJay, Yes, I’ll register a complaint, or request that X be done, if I feel it’s reasonable to do so.
Revtim, The bouncer was black. Why would I accuse him of racism?
Biffy the Elephant Shrew, I don’t understand. Would you unpack your post for me a little bit?
monstro, good question.
Diogenes the Cynic, Now this is interesting and quite educational. I never thought of it like this before.
ninetypercent, I wasn’t being a bitch. And, I don’t think it’s being bitchy to be honest about things. Life is too short for needless prevarication and deception. Bouncer dude caught me off guard because the bar in question doesn’t usually have a bouncer and because he came at us from right behind the corner of the door as soon as we stepped into the bar. So yeah, I was a little on the defensive, but I certainly don’t think I was that intimidating.
Why thank you, kevja. That’s real sweet of you. I’m not a hostile or mean person, and I do try very hard to communicate well with folks.
furt, I’m the disclaimer queen in the classroom. As a teacher, you never know whose toes you might step on, even though all I’m trying to do is to expand my students’ horizons past MTV, BET, and whatever else it is that they get into. [sigh]
MasterControl, Really? I hadn’t noticed this, nor have I seen this Daria show you mention, but then I am an alien from another planet. Why would saying the word “black” get a white person in trouble? As far as the situation in the Daria espisode, wouldn’t it have been more prudent and courteous for the white parents to have introduced themselves first, rather than to make assumptions about folks? I’m not saying the white parents in the episode are being racist, but they are being rude and perhaps a little condescending. In most social situations, I would like to be met and respected on my own merits, rather than on the assumptions folks may have about me, but perhaps that’s just not a realistic goal.
Your “I’m a short black woman” reminded me of a scene in the movie Jumping Jack Flash. Whoopi Goldberg is frantically attempting to identify herself to the police while the bad guys are uprooting and towing away the phone booth she’s in.
“I’m a little black woman in a big silver box!”
Probably means nothing to anyone else, but I always thought that line was hilarious. At least when spoken by Whoopi Goldberg in a moving phone booth.
Why am I reminded of that scene in “White Men Can’t Jump”
The one where all the guys are sitting around trying to watch the game when the two black gals stand in front ot the tv scolding the guys for this and that to where finally one of the guys turns to the other guy and says:
“Hey man, why don’t you tell them to move out the way of the tv?”
To which the other guy responds
“Shit! I aint tell’n them that. You crazy? those are two black women up there!”
Thank you, Biffy. That is a hilarious image you’ve described. 
SHAKES, LOL! It’s not just the fellas what ought to be careful. I’d be wary too about talkin’ trash to another black woman, especially if I know she’d go off on me, and I’m not tryin’ to be dealin’ with that.
That kind of answers your question.
Man, I’m jealous. For some reason, most people don’t find me (white female, 5’0, 100lbs, rather young looking) very intimidating.
Actually, sometimes people don’t find me at all, ‘cuz I’m too frickin’ small. Or they assume I’m 13… :mad:
Well, I should have mentioned that it was a cartoon origionaly shown on MTV. It definitly wasn’t a little kids cartoon though. It was slightly more for girls, but it was made in such a way that guys, like myself, could enjoy it too.
Well, that’s somewhat of an exaturation to help make my point about racial sensitivity being, or at least seeming to be, high there for a while.
Maybe you misunderstand. They weren’t judging them as people. They knew Jodie was black (they drove her to the school), Jodie said her parents would be there, they saw the only black couple there, and put two and two together. Granted part of the mother’s (Jodie’s mother) problem was that she seemed to be a somewhat bitter person on general and the father didn’t get upset in the least.
mmmmmmmm!!!, petite… uh… er… cite!.
Unclviny
Maybe it´s the clothing ?
Tee hee. Reminds me of a time I made a complete ass out of myself by accident. (In my limited defense, this was years ago.) At the time, there were only three black people working at my job: a black man married to a white woman (whom I had met); a black woman married to a white man (both coworkers of mine): and another black man (Mark) whose marital status I did not know. One day I came out of the building after work and saw a black woman (who I did not know) step out of her car and wave at the upper windows. She saw me looking at her, and said “I’m here picking up my husband.” “Oh!” said I. “You must be Mark’s wife.” She looked at me and smiled with what I interpreted as a combination of amusment and resigned disbelief at my stupidity as Fred, yet another coworker who is very white indeed, came out the front door and kissed her hello.
Yep. Another biracial couple. (Turns out that my other black coworker was – and still is – single.)
Color my face red. :smack:
Off topic, but I think that mixed marriages are pretty cool. I wish there were more of them. Of course I’m married to another white person, but not out of any racial preference or anything, I just use to be very shy, and when I decided to change that, the girl I had the nerve to ask out just happened to be white.
Maybe it’s your eyes. I’ve known some black women who can look downright terrifying when they have that mean look in their eyes, like snakes.