I think the big thing is that the internet still has the stigma of being populated by losers. While I agree that people that think that are idiots I avoid a lot of grief in the short term by not telling people how we met.
I’ve met a few Brisbane dopers (and one Sydney one) irl now and was surprised how good looking everyone is :).
Before I met my boyfriend IRL, I started IMing with him at the suggestion of a mutual friend. (We didn’t get together until we’d hung out quite a bit in person, but sparks were there from the beginning of the IM relationship.)
People I know will be receptive to the whole story get just that. People who won’t only get the “mutual friend” bit, and are told that we were made aware of each other at the beginning of this past summer, instead of the beginning of the previous autumn. It’s not that I’m ashamed–from it–it’s just that I don’t really feel like dealing with the “you weirdo” vibe certain people give out after hearing that you met your romantic partner online. Life’s too short for that crap.
far from it, that would be.
bolding mine
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. Both concepts, really. People unfamiliar with the medium don’t distinguish between “online romances” (romances which exist exclusively or near-exclusively online) and literally meeting new people online (as you would at a club or bar or somesuch). Consider the difference between meeting your significant other in a bar (and then having the relationship proceed normally from there with dinner and movie dates, walks in the park, bowling, etc.) with meeting your significant other in a bar, and never interacting with them outside that establishment. The first one is normal, probably happens hundreds of times a day. The second one? (At least) Very vaguely creepy.
The second concept, the one I have bolded. It’s very, very easy to be different from your real-world self online. Heck, it’s so easy a lot of us do it unintentionally. I’m waaay more outgoing online than I ever am in person. This in turn makes me a more talkative person, a more-willing-to-argue person, a more-willing-to-confront person, and just generally a lot more of an extrovert than I’ve ever been “IRL.” I didn’t make the decision to do this consciously, it’s just sort of how my online-social-self has developed in the past ten or twelve years. If it’s so easy to do even unwillingly, I imagine it’s supremely un-difficult to do intentionally, especially when “under the spell of ‘love.’”
All that said, I met my current girlfriend online. We talked for about a month or a month and a half-ish before meeting, and that was a little over a month ago, so the relationship is definitely still in a very beginning phase. It’s taken both of us a little while to get through some trust issues which I think were compounded by the fact that we primarily interacted and became acquainted with each other online, but the more time we spend together, the more we become assured that each of us is really who we saw we are. It certainly can work.
Hmm, considering how rarely I am capable of doing a post of that length without major spelling blunders, perhaps I should have that post preserved somehow. Perhaps bronzed? (If that were possible). I’ve had my GF tell me that the pitch of my voice is a little higher than what I hear it as (From what I understand that is typical of most people. In fact her voice is more base than mine.) but she desribed my voice as being very “expressive” Trust me though, you never want to hear me attempt to sing. You may have heard of people who have developed the capability of shattering glass with their voices under certain conditions? In my case it’s so bad as is to endanger concrete.
That said - I met my girlfriend on-line 7 years ago… [missing 300 word post of the story] we have now been going out for 1 year 6 months
she lives in Missouri, I live in Cornwall… it’s stressful but rewarding - -
Whenever I tell people how we met - I always find myself defending the fact that I met her on-line.
I think I would be more embarrassed if I had met her through an online dating agency though - but then I think thats down to the dating agency, personal ads
( I can’t get a girlfriend stigma ) - - maybe if I had used that path, the few years where I was dating (between my last serious girlfriend and this one ) - I would have had better success… At least now I’m, with Miss Right (instead of Little Miss So-So Wrong, or Ms.Noooo! )
I do agree you only really get to know someone by living with them, or spending three weeks living with their parents (as I did in November)
And everyone has bad habits and annoying points… sometimes getting to know someone completely through communication can help put these in perspective when you discover them…
It was funnier the first time - honest…
And the award for most interesting use of punctuation, and (bracket placement) go to …
I personally would be a bit embarassed to admit to be involved in any activity of which sole purpose was finding a date. I dislike society’s pressure to be with someone at all cost and am very vocal about that belief. I prefer to do my own thing and see a relationship as a bonus if it came my way, rather then an aim in itself.
Therefore I’m into internet dating sites anymore then I’m into newspaper contact ads. That it’s the internet is not the issue and by the same token I would happily use the internet to make friends if I felt I needed some new people in my life.
Again, that’s just me. If you feel what’s really missing in your life is a relationship than I think the internet is as handy a tool as any. Though I do have to say that I feel there are too many people attaching too much importance to finding a date when they could be doing more interesting things with their lives. Just my humble opinion.
RickQ and I met right here at the SDMB. We met in person a few months later and married about a year after that. Sometimes we tell people we met online, but sometimes, especially if we think they won’t understand, we use our cover story of “met through friends” (hey, you guys are our friends, aren’t you?).
During a dinner out with Rick’s co-workers, I stopped conversation by referencing “the website where Rick and I met.” Turns out he had told them the cover story.
By and large, I agree with Sat on Cookie about the distinction between meeting and having a whole relationship online. However, for some people, there still is a stigma, even when the relationhip is clearly IRL (you can’t get much more IRL than being married!). No one has ever been rude about our meeting, but I still get the feeling that the cover story is somehow more respectable.
You carefully bracketed your post with “in my opinion” disclaimers, but you knew that someone would challenge you on this, right? 
How does wanting to date = placing too much importance on dating? :dubious: That seems like an awfully broad generalization. I’ve been single for a long time and am in no hurry to permanently change my status; I don’t need a man to feel complete; I feel no pressure to “be with someone at all cost” ( :eek: ); etc. But I would like to date, and I’m not meeting eligible men by “doing my own thing,” so I’m online. I also work full-time, run a Toastmasters club, do volunteer work, have a social life, and am in graduate school: tell me, what other “more interesting things” do you think I should be doing with my life?
For a very long time I felt like you: if someone happened to come along, that was great, but I wasn’t looking. However, I think it’s possible to decide to be proactive about one’s romantic/sex life without being obsessed about it. If you’re not that interested in dating, it’s ok by me – of course it’s your life, and your opinion. But I’m not going to generalize you as a spinster/eternal bachelor, so please don’t generalize me (and others who are interested in dating) as having placed some kind of unhealthy importance on meeting someone.
Sure. I suppose there was a bit of “ducking the issue” going on there. But it was also to make clear it was about me being embarassed in the sense that if I say have that belief and then go on a dating site that would be embarassing out of hypocrisy but if someone didn’t have that belief it wouldn’t be.
I didn’t mean to generalise about everyone using dating sites. If it came across that way I apologise. The generalisation that I did actually make was about society’s pressure on having relationships is causing too many people to be in relationships just because they feel they ought to be. I did qualify that this doesn’t apply to everyone seeking a relationship. Of course not. I do stand by my opinion that this phenomenon exists, though.
Okay then, I won’t. Seriously though, the post was really more about why I would be embarassed myself (i.e. because it doesn’t tally with what I say I believe) than whether people who date on the internet are sad and relationship obsessed. The other stuff got in there somehow because I do get irritated when single people are pressurised to be in a relationship which does happen quite often. That made me want to point out that not everyone is necessarily either in a relationship or looking for one. As no one claimed that, pehaps I shouldn’t have, but I guess it’s a hobby horse of mine.
Well, in addition to the internet loser/geek stigma, I think people also figure that you gamble your safety and privacy a lot more over the 'net.
I have a close group of internet girlfriends; we’re mostly pregnant or moms of young kids. Even though there was never any reason not to feel comfortable before, there was some stress after the incident with the murder/stolen fetus because they met online. The whole psycho factor, you know. Of course they’re psycho in their daily brick-and-mortar lives, too, but there’s something about not being able to size people up based on their physical characteristics, body language, home, etc., etc., that seems to wig a lot of people out.
I wouldn’t be adverse to dating someone I met online, but I have a few rules:
I don’t do online relationships-that is, I don’t make any promises until I’ve met someone in person. THEN, if there’s chemistry, it can proceed from there. But I won’t start something romantic online if I haven’t met the person yet.
Unless I fell absolutely head over heels after meeting someone, I don’t do the long distance relationship thing.
Guinastasia, I have the exact same rules! In fact, I even mention in my profile that I’m only interested in guys who live within 20 miles of me: I say, “I’m not looking for marriage, but I am looking for dates. Which means in person. Which means we can’t live so far away from each other that it takes an act of Congress for us to get together.”