Ouch! Hey.
Well, I’ve been with Mrs. Cliffy for over a decade now so this was a long time ago, back in high school. The girl and I were really on the same wavelength about a lot of things; she was witty, smart, good-looking, and something of a sex fiend – these are all good qualities. However, she had a ton of baggage from a previous relationship (she said her previous boyfriend date-raped her; I believed her at the time, although in retrospect I think it’s possible she was covering up for guilt at having slept with him. Regardless, she still had a lot of pain from that time.)
Anyway, while we had a lot of fun together when she wasn’t depressed, she was depressed pretty much all the time – and she expected me to be sympathetically depressed whenever she was. While I am a generally happy-go-lucky fellow, I’m actually pretty susceptible to depression and it simply wasn’t safe for me to be unhappy whenever she wanted me to be. This made me push away sometimes and that made her incredibly needy and clingy. It got to be that I dreaded seeing her because of how much she’d hang on me. Eventually the only time I wasn’t unhappy to be around her was (apologies for crudeness, but this was the literal truth) was when she had my dick in her mouth. I realized that I didn’t want to be the asshole who kept stringing along an emotionally-damaged girlfriend just for the sex so I dumped her. Then she hooked up with the guy I’d stolen her from and he threatened to kill me so I became less sympathetic. 
I heard a while ago that she’s doing well – shit that seems like the end of the world when you’re 16 is like water off a duck’s back by the time you finish college.
–Cliffy
Great stories people. Well, they’re not really as great as they are sad and depressing.
He was the serious type of guy. He wanted to get married, produce some kids and be a big happy family. I wanted to finish high school.
The guy I’m currently with isn’t a boyfriend, just “a guy I’m dating” and I’m still young (college student) so we’ll see where that goes. And if it doesn’t progress to anything, then I’ll chalk it up as another check on the list.
Let’s see…
I’ve really only had four serious girlfriends, actually.
The first one was when I was in eighth grade. Her family moved away.
The second one was in high school. Her parents were divorced, and she lived here in New Yorj with her mother, aunt, and grandparents. But it was an emotionally abusive situation for her, and I helped her run away to California to be with her father.
The third one was a high school romance that couldn’t really be sustained through college. I had to tell her gently that a long-distance relationship couldn’t really work.
The fourth one I’ve been married to for the last 21 years.
:eek:
Are you sure you’re not me from last fall? EXACT SAME SCENARIO.
I hear ya, sister.
She acted strange and distant for a week, I confronted her ,she said she wasn;t sure if she still loved me, but was aure that she couldn’t really have fun if she was with me. Apparantly fun meant cheating on me because that’s what she did. She slept with some other guy, and I only found out because I noticed a used condom n her trash, and we had never had sex at her place, cause she had just moved in. I just left.
I usually dismiss them without prejudice.
The last guy I dated (briefly, not briefly enough) seemed like a nice guy. Not the type I’m generally attacted to (translation: not nice guys) so I thought I’d give him a chance and see if the spark would develop. He dumped me because I wouldn’t sleep with him (yet). Insisted that the physical part of a relationship was very important (um, yeah – when its mutual!). He was very ugly in breaking up. Bottom line, his private persona was 180 degrees from his public persona (everyone kept saying what a great guy he was).
Whew. I’ve been lucky enough to never hook up with any complete psychos, and I, uh, hope that my exes would mostly say the same of me.
Last but one: ten mostly good years, but we got a bit tired of each other and I wanted to move back the the USA, while she wanted to stay in France. Later she became pregnant to a Swiss artist and married him, she says, mainly for the citizenship papers. We’re still in touch, and I have the impression I could go back to her if I wanted, but I don’t.
Last: curious, basically platonic relationship with spectacularly gorgeous 26-year-old stripper, who, while rather wonderful in many ways, had serious trust issues and a bit of a prescription drug habit. Never more than friends, really, but for a while she would get quite annoyed with me if I didn’t check in by phone with her every day.
While I’d have been up for taking it further, it became fairly obvious that my role was mainly to let her vent about the various mistreatments she had suffered in life (not that she didn’t have good reason to vent about many of them) and that I was kidding myself if I thought she was interested in anything but friendship. Also became obvious that she had never really had, and could not conceive of, a relationship, even friendship, that was not at some level a transaction for goods and/or services. Sad to have to walk away from her, but it was apparent that she was about to disappear anyway.
I’m sure no one really gives a crap about any of this, but hey, thanks for provding the chance to spew.
The last guy I dated (briefly, not briefly enough) seemed like a nice guy. Not the type I’m generally attacted to (translation: not nice guys)
Always nice to have confirmation that women don’t like nice guys. ;]
so I thought I’d give him a chance and see if the spark would develop.
Funny, that sounds an awfully like something I typed in an email once!
- He dumped me because I wouldn’t sleep with him (yet).*
It’s a pity that, at least in my experience, “yet” is female-speak for: “I’m not brave enough to tell you no, so I’ll just string you along with a maybe.”
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Don’t need those kind of people nor relationships, I’m insane enough already without people refusing to be honest with me. I simply do not do subtle…
- Insisted that the physical part of a relationship was very important (um, yeah – when its mutual!).*
Maybe he was telling you the truth - to him, it may well be very important. You may not like that, and certainly there is no reason for you to date guys like that if it’s not true for you. Absolutely, you should know yourself well enough to NOT date people with whom you don’t feel compatable. But if I may make an observation, your sentence there smacks of how utterly offended you are that he would tell you such a thing, or worse yet actually mean it. Horrible, evil person! DARING to look for more than a platonic friend in a girlfriend. God, what is the problem with these men??
(Snork.) Frankly I think the physical is important for a lot of guys, it’s just that most of them are inclined to lie about it so chicks don’t flip out - since that seems to almost always be the response from the female side of the equation. Since, after all, sex is so dirty, horrible and evil and you’re a bad person if you ever engage in it.
He was very ugly in breaking up.
Indeed! Well, tell us about it - that’s what this thread is for, isn’t it? Did he do something untowed at your birthday party? Maybe cuz he didn’t wanna be there in the first place? (G)
Bottom line, his private persona was 180 degrees from his public persona (everyone kept saying what a great guy he was).
Funny how people can be totally different in public and private, isn’t it?
-Ben
Kabong
- I’ve been lucky enough to never hook up with any complete psychos, …
Never more than friends, really, but for a while she would get quite annoyed with me if I didn’t check in by phone with her every day.
*
Dude, maybe not a “complete” psycho, but hello control issues! Whew, man! Makes make a good story, though, I guess.
-Ben
Wha…? Eek.
As for my ex’s, there have been three that I ended.
One was psycho. She had depression problems. She also got overly involved. And she wanted sex before I was ready. And it only lasted 2 weeks…
Another simply started to annoy me. There was no specific thing I could identify that did it. She’s a really sweet person (still is), and really, really pretty. Yet for some reason she still annoys me. I don’t know. And I felt really bad that I couldn’t give her any good reasons when she asked.
A third I ended cause I was leaving for college. Still good friends. Was mostly mutual. Nice girl. Just didn’t want to be going out with her when we’re away from each other 8 months of the year.
Naw, wasn’t that. Because of her job and her past history with guys, she assumes that any man who pays any attention to her is only after some ass and will split as soon as he knows it isn’t forthcoming. Hey, I’m only human and wouldn’t have said no if I thought she was attracted to me, but it was clear fairly early on that she wasn’t and I was perfectly happy to be a friend as long as she wanted.
Thing is, she’s now in a relationship, the 3rd since I’ve known her, that is just as unlikely to pan out as those before. I don’t really see any point to making an emotional investment in someone who expects me to call all the time, but only gets in touch herself when she wants to complain about not connecting emotionally with the guy she’s regularly sleeping with.
Despite any of this, she’s definitely no psycho; she’s fully aware of most of her emotional issues and is working to get over them. If she’s not always successful, well, some of the things life has dealt her take a long time to get over.
Last: Lied to me, about everything. EVERYTHING.
2nd to last: Didn’t want to get married, and I was tired of being good enough to be a girlfriend but not good enough to be a wife.
3rd to last: Holy needy whiny depressive, Batman!
4th to last: Knocked me up on purpose, emotionally abusive, alcoholic and drug addict. I stuck it out for 18 months because I stupidly felt that my son needed a father, no matter what sort of jackass he was. I was wrong.
I’ve got this funny overly-religious paternalistic thing about “forsaking all others”
Silly me.
You too dwc? Now why are we like that? Why do we expect someone who made a promise before G*d and everybody to stick to it? Must be something wrong in our upbringing.
Otto summed it up nicely in this thread:
I think this accurately describes my last relationship. I had to get out because it wasn’t fair to her. She wanted the whole ball of wax, and I did not.
Middle school relationship, 8th grade. I never really liked him all that much, but he was desperate and I felt sorry for him. We went on a grand total of three dates in a five-month period; he hit on my best friend at my birthday party; and I didn’t want to kiss him. It took a few months before I got up the nerve to dump him (which I ended up doing over IM–I’m such a coward), and then he got all suicidal and blamed it on me.
Four years later, we’re friends again, after a couple years of not speaking to each other for no particular reason.
And yes, that was my most recent (and only) relationship.
He forgot to mention he was still married and under indictment for Felony Aggravated Sexual Assault of a Child (his daughter) when he married me. Ended up in prison. Gets out next week or so.