Recently I bumped into an older woman who lives not far from me who I’ve met before, but I don’t actually know her. Just to be friendly I said “Hello. How are you?” I always thought that “How are you?” was just a figure of speech used as a greeting and that it doesn’t mean that the person asking actually wants to know all the details about how the other person is doing.
Anyway, out of nowhere this woman that I barely know starts giving me her complete medical rundown. She starts by telling me about her arthritis condition, about all of the digestive problems that she has, she tells me about all of medical problems she’s had in the past, and then she starts telling me about this operation that she’s schedule to get- all in graphic detail.
And if that weren’t enough, she tells me that I remind her of her son, who died recently. She starts telling me all about his having cancer, all about the tumors he had and all of the other problems he had before he died, and how much he suffered, and so on. I ended up having to sit through this one-way conversation for about 20 minutes, all because I asked her “How are you?”
Why do people feel like they have to tell everybody whenever something bad happens to them? What do they get out of it??
I’ve noticed that this happens a lot in ‘MPSIMS’. People start threads when their cat dies, or when their grandmother dies, or whatever, and other people here actually want to read this. Why? I can understand why somebody would brag when something good happened to them, because in doing so they make themselves look good. But why would anyone want to do the exact opposite of bragging? Why would anyone want to look pathetic to other people??
I’d think that older people just don’t have anyone to talk to, or they’ve exhausted those people that they can.
They get sympathy out of it, which in some cases is what they need. It validates their pain.
I’ve noticed the trend in MPSIMS too. IMO I think that those people are part of an online community, and are sharing their troubles with their friends.
There’s an old adage that says something to the effect of, “A joy shared is a joy doubled, a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.” Talking about your woes makes you feel less alone, gets you support and sympathy, and maybe will get you ideas on how to feal with them.
Now, talking about them uninvited to someone you barely know is a little weird, but not unusual, especially if that person doesn’t have help elsewhere.
I think one of the reasons is that the pain these people are feeling is very much the center of their thoughts, and it’s the first thing that comes to mind. I don’t think there’s actually a lot of thought behind it. That’s why, regardless of how bad I’m hurting, my answer to “how are you” is always “fine”-that way I spare people.
When we’re hurting, we NEED human connection; some people don’t have anyone to make that connection with. This is especially true with older people - they may be widowed, frequently their friends have passed away or are in hospital, their children may live far away and be wrapped up in their own lives. So sometimes a friendly stranger on the street is the only connection they can make to alleviate their loneliness.
It sounds to me like the older lady you encountered is in a lot of physical and mental hurt right now; she probably opened up to you like that because she needed someone to talk to and may not have anyone else. Your resemblance to her son probably also helped “open the floodgates.” Instead of feeling burdened, try feeling honoured that she felt like you were someone she could talk to about her troubles.
Oh, poor you, you had to listen to that woman for 20 minutes. Big whoop. She lived everything she was telling you, so cut her a ton of slack.
As far as looking “pathetic” to other people, gee, another nice thing to say.:rolleyes:
Why do people come and vent about their awful day at work, or how shattered they feel because their baby died suddenly, or how hopeless they may feel about things?
Yeah, some people do it for attention. Not the majority of people, but some of them do it for attention.
In other cases, people just need to get this thing (that they may have been holding inside for years and years) out of their system, and they feel that they can’t tell a family member because theu would be ashamed/embarrassed, so they go to a message board, where there is a modicum of anonymity, or they may tell a neighbor.
Or they may call a crisis hotline or go to see a counselor/shrink/therapist.
Why do you think it’s a good thing that people should want to brag about themsleves and how great they are?
Wait, I know the answer to that one, it’s yet another example of the "It’s all about me/I’m so special/I’m so important attitude that runs rampant through the United States right now.
Actually, it’s not so surprising that many people would rather share with a stranger. After all, you will probably never see that person again, they won’t be there on a daily basis to say “hey remember the time you go the DWI and were out of work for 6 months, didn’t that just SUCK”? Or even worse, be judgmental or throw your “confessions” back at you in an argument.
It’s natural for people to need the catharsis of confession, and many people ARE just lonely.
A lot of times, people don’t mean to, but once started, it just sort of all pours out. Especially with elderly people, t0hey’ve lost so much.
Even those who are “just looking for attention” the basis is in loneliness.
The anonymity of the boards probably makes people feel freer to share those miseries.
There’s a whole site dedicated to this ( http://www.notproud.com/ ) where people anonymously confess stuff. It’s really addicting and stuff ranges from the heartbreaking (“i cant love anyone anymore and its hurting me so bad”) to the fascinating (“i’m a married man but i’d love to be a 1950s housewife”) to the hilarious ("Work is for idiots. A person with imagination should be able to get through life without it. ")
People tell their misfortunes and business because other people LOVE to hear it. Would Jerry Springer, Montel, Sally Jesse, et al be where they are today otherwise?
