Why does she not want him to know she's getting divorced?

This is a strange situation my SO and I are getting kind of enmeshed in. My bf recently moved to to my town from out of state although we’ve been involved long distance for a while and we have many mutual friends. I have a female friend who is in the middle of a divorce. Seems about as amicable as divorces can be…and she is very very open about telling anyone who will listen all the details of every argument, every financial detail, every agreement. Enter BF’s college friend who lives close by. He is mid 30s and kind of hit by the realization that he’s spent his life on school and career and kind of forgot to look for a wife and is desperately searching for Miss Right.

We all know each other and the soon to be divorcee and and he apparently have kept in contact and from what I can tell they keep in very close contact because she seems to always know what he is doing from week to week. But she has made it very clear that she doesn’t want us to mention her divorce to him. At first I thought “Of course, she doesn’t want him to hit on her” but as time goes on, they seem to be in such close contact, I wonder if there is something between them already. She knows more of what he is up than my bf does! … Why would she not want him to know she was getting a divorce? Or if there is nothing but friendship between them, if they talk weekly why wouldn’t she tell him this really important part of her life? :dubious:

I would just back off and not worry about it but it puts my BF and I in an awkward situation since we are around both of these people both seperately and together. I am ready to tell her that I am not going to make a point to tell him anything but I am not going to guarentee that I keep secrets either…am I wrong? What am I missing in this big picture? I like them both but I think she is putting us in a bad place.

Have you asked her why she’s making this requirement of you?

She said she wanted to tell him herself but that was a while ago…IMHO she should have told him a while ago…how long am I required to shut up and let her have time to tell him herself? And why does it take so long? IT didn’t take her long to tell the rest of the known free world.

Does this guy know that she is married? Maybe she hasn’t told him that yet either. My guess would be that she is afraid that he will be scared off. There is still a stigma, however slight these days, with being divorced.

Speaking as someone who not only didn’t tell anyone he got divorced but didn’t even bother to tell anyone he got married in the first place, I can tell you that people have their reasons. I would try to accomodate such a friend’s request, even if I didn’t understand the rationale behind it.

Well I hadn’t thought of that angle…I assumed he knew she was married. They’ve known each other for years…yikes…I am going to take an aspirin and avoid both of them.