Why I Can't Go To OhDope (or, Persephone's Longest Post To Date)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My husband just left. He’s on his way to New York, to pick up his other son.

The boy is coming to stay with us for a while.

Apparently his mother got herself involved with a bad guy, who stole from her. She’s staying in a motel right now, hiding from this guy. She’s got no place to live, no job, no money, and no functioning vehicle. She moved from Angola to Niagara Falls over the summer, but the kids never started school after they moved. Nope. Haven’t been in school since it let out in June.

We hadn’t heard from her for a few weeks, and last week Monday, my husband tried to call her (because last Monday was the boy’s birthday). The number we had was not in service anymore. He got hold of her through her sister, and that’s when we heard the whole, sordid story.

She said she was going to be moving to South Carolina. She’s got an aunt there or something. Then last night, she calls up sobbing, asking if we can come get the boy. Today.
She asked the girls’ father to do the same (he lives in Indiana).

I’ll give her points for finally figuring out that the kids need to be gotten out of there. She’s acting in their best interests now (when one of her sisters told her to get herself in to a women’s shelter, she didn’t want to do it because she “didn’t want the kids to go through that”).

As much as I dislike this woman, I feel some sympathy for her right now. Because I’ve been where she’s at, except I didn’t have kids at the time. I’ve literally run from an abusive man. I’ve lost everything, including my pride and self-esteem.

So, the kids will be staying with their fathers until she gets herself together. She can do it, I’m sure. She’s not a drug abuser, or a child abuser. She’s not neglectful. She’s employable.

She’s got some serious issues. I hope she can find it within herself to get some psychiatric help, too. I think I know what her problem is, but since IANAD, I don’t want to sit here and make a diagnosis.

I’m not going to OhDope because I’m going to stay home with my stepson. I had arranged for my mom to take my kids that weekend, but I don’t want the boy to just get here, then be dropped off somewhere else so soon. I know it’s just for a couple of nights, but still, he needs to know for certain that we’re not abandoning him. He knows my family, and loves them very much, just as they love him. But right now, he needs to just be able to put his bags down, and not have to pick them up again right away.

To make a long post even longer: Since he hasn’t been in school yet this fall, I’m guessing he hasn’t had much of an opportunity to talk to anyone regarding 9-11-01 along with all of the other issues in his life. I’m thinking some sort of professional counseling, some time in the not-too-distant future, might not hurt (he’s on my health insurance, thank Goddess, so it’ll be covered). What thinketh you?

Thanks for listening. :smiley:

2

As-much-as-we’ll-miss-you,I-can’t-think-of-anything-more-important-than-a-child’s-well-being.
[sub]sniff–we’ll-just-have-to-find-some-way-to-go-on-without-you–sniff[/sub]

stay-home-in-peace.

as-for-all-the-rest-of-you-slackers–shame-on-you!

3

I think you’re doing exactly the right thing and, yes, that young man is definitely going to need some sort of counseling, bless his heart.

And bless you, too, Persephone.

4

Love, let me know if there is anything he needs.
We had to take my sons sister for a while. Great kid, just a bit frazzled cause of her mom.
Her mom was a drinker and abusive, so at least you step-son doesn’t have that going for him.
How old is he? I might have one out of five his age, and two of them are online, or they could do snail-mail.
Keep in touch and let me know if you guys need anything. I have little, but what I can share is all yours.

5

Jesus. Take care of the important things, Cristi. The rest of us will be around when you have time.

6

he is a very lucky kid to have you and your husband.
i’m with kricket, let us know if you need anything. i love shopping for school stuff.

7

Well, jeez. Here I was getting ready to yell at you for dropping out of OhDope, and now I’m left without a leg to stand on. Take care of that kid; he’s more important than a bunch of drunken internet geeks.

My mom is a school secretary, and she occasionally gets cases where a kid hasn’t been enrolled in school for months and months. She tells me it’s very important that you have the name and address (and the phone/fax number if you can swing it) of his last school in hand when you take him in to register. That way, his records can be quickly and easily obtained and his return to school doesn’t have to be delayed any further.

I hope to see you at HoliDope at the end of December, but my love and thoughts are with you and your family right now.

8

Once again you have proven to me that I have excellent taste in friends.

((((((Cristi)))))))

Much Love and Prayers coming your way, and your young man’s way. And the rest of the family’s way, too…this might be a tad stressful on them, too. But I know that you and Mr. Pers can handle it.

Cheri

9

Definitely, you are going to be right where you need to be. I’m so glad your husband is getting him. My aunt and uncle took in my aunt’s nephew under similar circumstances. Gave the kid stability he’d never had. 8 years later, he’s healthy and happy and normal.

Now, Cristi, let’s get down to brass tacks. Is this kid going to have much? School clothes, stuff like that? Hell, shoes alone for a kid are a budget-buster. I don’t know how I’d manage if we had another person added to our household unexpectedly! Let us help, please. Let us know if there is something we can do. A few of us, chipping in just a little, can make a big difference for him and you and wouldn’t be a burden for us except maybe having to buy a cheaper brand of beer at the next Dopefest. That’s the power of numbers.

10

Perse, man oh man, I am…, well, crap, I don’t know how to say it, but I love you and your family.

Steer ahead dear, you’re doin’ fine.

11

{{{Persephone}}}

You’re doing the right thing. Good luck.

12

I’m not sure what he’ll really need, if anything. According to his mom, he’s got his clothes & stuff. I’ll have to get him some school supplies, I’m sure, but that’ll probably be it (with the exception of socks & underwear–I’m of the mind that you just can’t have too many of those :D).

I don’t think this will actually be much of a real “disruption” in our family life. He’s a good kid, and he’s given me a lot less trouble than the children I’ve actually given birth to. :smiley:

Another thing that will be good for Timi (that’s the boy’s name, BTW) is spending time with my family. My family was the Original Brady Bunch, times two. My mom’s parents divorced when she was a teenager, and they both remarried people with children. I literally have more “step” family than biological family. And since all of that happened well before I was born, having family that isn’t actually blood kin is normal to me. as a child, I always knew that my mom had lots of brothers and sisters–they just didn’t all come from the same two parents. So, Timi will be nothing unusual to them. Just one more grandson/nephew/cousin to toss in for the name draw at Christmas. :smiley:

My parents are also divorced. My dad has remarried, and my mom has a permanent SO. My husband’s parents are deceased, and Timi’s mom’s family is completely and totally dysfunctional (think Springer here, folks). I explained this situation to my parents (several years ago, in fact) and asked them if they could possibly step in as active grandparents. Boy, did they ever NOT have a problem with that. They are his grandparents. I cannot thank my parents enough for that.

It’s time for me to go to bed now. Again, I thank you for letting me share this story, and I will keep you posted, if you can deal with my ramblings. :smiley:

Love, Cristi

13

I have never been to a dopefest. So, when Manny dropped, and now you, my world seems poorer.

But, having three kids of my own, you are a champ! Bravo!

I’m serious thinking of having a sexchange operation just so I can meet you at the Midwest Chic Dope. (Actually, I’m lying about the operation).

Take care.

14

Well, I’d planned on going to work today, but that ain’t gonna happen.

My husband and the boy just arrived, less than an hour ago. After driving all night (from New York to Michigan), husband is in no shape to take care of three kids. So, I’m taking yet another day off.

The Dianasaur is GEEKED that her big brother is here. Johnzilla doesn’t know yet, but I’m sure he’ll be geeked as well. And Timi is pretty darn happy to be here. :smiley:

Apparently he has a lot of stuff with him. I haven’t seen it yet, because it’s still in the car. But my husband says the car is packed. :eek:

They went through Canada to get there. Not surprisingly, they got stopped, both ways. On the way home, they even questioned the boy, to make sure that his dad was his dad. They even called his mother, to make sure that everything was copacetic. According to Timi, the guard at the border from Canada to Michigan (at Port Huron) was very cool. Asked him how old he was, and when he replie that he was eight, the guard asked him if he had a wife. Timi said no, and the guard asked him if he had a girlfriend. My husband said “I think he’s got several,” and Timi said “well, yes, but not in Canada.” The guard laughed, and waved them through. :smiley:

We’ve got his shot records, and power of attorney to enroll him in school. All I need is a copy of his birth certificate (easy enough, since he was born here in Flint), and he’ll be good to go. I do have the name and number of his previous school also (thanks for the tip, Juniper!). And the boy wants to go to school. When I told him that I was going to try to get him in to the school right at the end of our street (only a block away :D), that made him REAL happy.

Got to get coffee now.

Thanks again! :smiley:

15

Well, we are going to miss you at OhDope, but we all understand that right now you need to take care of your family. I’m sure he will adjust just fine to living with his dad and step-mom in a more stable environment than what he has had lately.

16

Cristi, you are a fine person. 'Nuff said.

17

You are a class act, Persephone. Please accept this big hug from your favorite East Lansing Doper:

{{{{{{Persephone!}}}}}}}}}}

I just hope your little ones don’t drive him batty! :slight_smile:

18

See, now this is the sort of thing that shows what a great person your are. Christi, you really are terrific and Timi is a lucky boy to be able to have the chance you and his father (and his mother, for that matter) are giving him.

Like many of the others have said, if there is anything I can do for you, do let me know.

I’ll miss you at the Fest, but you can make up for it next time we meet up :wink:

19

What a lucky kid! Hope it all goes well for you, 8yr olds are a challenge but they are also soooo much fun!

20

Cristi, I’m not surprised at all. You are just that type of person. Good to the core. Let me know if you need anything, I’ve been blessed and I’m willing to share! Take care. One day we will meet.